I think we can all agree when I say: You have to learn how to become more confident and social if you want to live a more fulfilling life.
Am I right? If you’re not exactly sure how to do that, then you’re going to want to read this entire post.
The advice that I’m about to share with you is not only practical, but it’s also based on real-world results.
As a short Asian guy, I used to feel very insecure about myself.
In fact, I had a hard time assimilating when my family and I immigrated to Canada from the Philippines. At 17 years old, I was 60 pounds overweight and I also didn’t speak English.
Standing at 5’5”, my height was also something that I felt embarrassed about. Because I’m a minority in a new country, I assumed that people wouldn’t like me due to my appearance.
My limiting beliefs held me back from putting myself out there. That’s why for the longest time, I had very few friends and my dating life was non-existent.
After I graduated from school, I worked as a structural designer and didn’t help my situation either. My job isolated me socially because I was required to sit in front of the computer for almost 40 hours a week.
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Needless to say, unless I made some drastic changes, my life would’ve been boring, lonely and uninspiring.
After years of self-education, learning from some of the best coaches out there and taking massive action, I was able to transform my situation. Nowadays, I feel more confident about myself, and have meaningful connections both in my personal and professional life.
In this post, I’m going to share with you my best tips to help you become more confident and social.
Let’s jump right in.
1. Learn What You Need
Confidence doesn’t just come out of nowhere. It comes from being competent.
To illustrate my point, you probably feel pretty good about your ability to drive your car to get you around, right? Obviously, it didn’t just start off like that.
You most likely took driving lessons and practiced repeatedly. You probably made mistakes along the way but you kept going anyway.
After a period of time, you’ve internalized the skills you’ve learned, have gathered enough positive reference experience and now, you can drive your car without even thinking about it.
Learning how to become more confident and social is no different.
You need to learn the necessary skills to help you reach your goals and demonstrate competence over and over again until you become competent.
See Also: 5 Tips to Build Self-Confidence
In this case, you have to know who you are, what you want and how to express yourself in different social situations.
2. Appreciate Yourself
It’s easy to feel inadequate when you compare yourself unfavorably to other people.
You get exactly what you think about the most so if you keep magnifying your flaws then you’re not going to feel good about yourself.
For example, the average height for men in North America is 5’9”. If you’re shorter than that, you can either consider yourself inadequate or shift your focus to something else.
That choice is up to you.
As the saying goes,
Whatever you appreciate, appreciates.
That’s why the quickest way that I know to improve your self-image is to make a list of your positive traits and review them regularly.
I recommend you get a journal or just a sheet of paper and start jotting down things that you like about yourself.
Imagine how good it feels when other people complement you? It’s pretty awesome, right?
You can give yourself that same feeling on a regular basis by actually doing this simple yet effective exercise.
I bet you anything you’re going to elevate your mood afterwards.
We all have flaws and nobody is perfect. But I can almost guarantee you that you can always find things to praise about yourself.
3. Become More Interesting
What do you do if you didn’t win the genetic lottery like me? The thing is, you can’t do much about your height, skin color and your face.
So stop worrying about those things and put your attention on what you can control.
For example, you can get in shape, dress better and travel more. You can read good books, play an instrument and take up martial arts. You can also learn how to dance, take good pictures and speak another language.
Regardless of how you look, you can make yourself more attractive and interesting by acquiring new skills and novel experiences.
We’re all dealt with different cards. Accept what you can’t change and channel all your energy on things that you can do something about.
4. Pick Your Battles
You can’t be good at everything.
That’s why your ability to put yourself in situations where you’re at a natural advantage is key.
In fact, I personally know someone who’s extremely confident with himself and is very popular in his social circle and is only 5’2”.
Even though he’s not tall, he made the most out of his situation. He discovered that his stature was well-suited for Olympic weight lifting.
Once he knew that, he immersed himself in the sport. In a short amount of time, he broke records and won medals from competing and quickly gained status in that group.
I share that story with you because it proves a very important point: you have to play games you can win.
Your goal should be to exploit your gifts. Choose circumstances where you can display your most attractive traits and naturally shine.
5. Improve Gradually
Everything and anything worthwhile takes time. If you’ve struggling with your confidence and social skills for a while now, you can’t expect results overnight.
It’s unrealistic and you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed.
My advice is to set small goals and only focus on doing a few things at any given moment. Seeing yourself make progress feels good and is also very encouraging.
That’s why you should never underestimate the power of building positive momentum.
You have to be patient and persistent if you want to create a permanent change in how you see yourself and how you interact with others.
6. Don’t Take Rejection Personally
Here’s the truth:
Not everybody is going to like you. That’s just how it is.
As a social skills coach, I noticed that most people struggle to put themselves out there because they’re so afraid of being rejected.
To put things into perspective, there are billions of people in the world. You don’t have to put up with anybody who doesn’t like you. Choose those who choose you back.
Remember, it’s not your job to convince people to like you. Your goal should be to become the best version of yourself and find other people who will like you for who you are.
7. Work With A Coach
We’re all given the same 24 hours in a day. You can always make more money but nobody can make more time.
Look, there’s nothing inherently wrong with reading blog posts like this one, listening to podcasts and watching YouTube videos to help you become more confident and social.
But if you want to fast-track your results, consider working with a competent coach. You’ll have someone give you feedback, you’ll get more tailored advice to your situation and you’ll also have someone to hold you accountable.
Personally, my life transformed when I decided to get some help from someone who knows what they’re doing.
You are the common denominator in everything you do so always make it a point to invest in yourself.
To sum things up, if you want to become more confident and social, consider the following tips:
- 1. Learn what you need
- Appreciate yourself
- Become more interesting
- Pick your battles
- Improve gradually
- Don’t take rejection personally
- Work with a coach
Now, let’s turn it back to you? Which one of these tips are you going to implement first? Leave me a comment below.
This is excellent.
From my own experience, no one ever loved me the way I wanted to be loved until I learned to love myself. What that meant for me was focusing on what I wanted out of life, what made ME happy and fulfilled, completely independent of finding a life partner.
I said, Okay I’m going to do what I love and makes me happy, and if someone fits into that life, great–if not, at least I’ll be doing what I love and being happy, even if I’m alone.
And you know what? That made me confident on a level I’d never been, which made me attractive on a level I’d never been.
I met my wife only a couple months later.
Very interesting and helpful article, thank you. Even having confidence and a healthy social lifestyle, it is always a good to stop and listen to another person’s life story. Can I share with you a quote from Margaret Cho: Just because you are blind and unable to see my beauty does not mean it does not exist’
Myke Macapinlac says
I’m glad you found this post useful!
🙌🏻 What a glow up 🙌🏻 Knowing how to dance is a secret lady-slaying weapon. All y’all out here getting yoked at the gym when all we ladies want is someone who isn’t mortally afraid of the dance floor.
Myke Macapinlac says
It’s one of the best skills to learn!