Accountability can be an uncomfortable thing to confront for anyone. However, in modern dating culture, many men silently confess that they feel like they are made to apologize, resolve issues, pursue their partners, and ultimately repair every issue and problem within the relationship. On the other hand, women get to escape accountability completely and can just avoid taking responsibility for their actions. There are numerous reasons why women do this and manage to get away with it. Read on and learn about these reasons right here.
Social Narratives Frame Men as the Problem
Men have been the subject of the entire dating advice for years now, focusing on what they need to do, fix, and alter in their relationships to make them work. They have to be more emotionally available and communicative and work through commitment issues. This has steadily painted them as the villains, the perpetuators of problems in their relationships. Women get to walk scott-free since no such framing is extended their way.
The “Happy Wife, Happy Life” Culture
A woman is holding the shoulders of a man while they are sitting in front of a Christmas tree.
The message is vividly clear with this statement: the man is ultimately responsible for everything and needs to expend all efforts to fix the problems. This culture promoting the notion of a happy home only being attainable if the happiness of the wife is ensured has been compounded by social media, television, and everyday jokes. Men are usually framed as the ones who mess up and are then expected to make everything right again.
Men are Conditioned to Endure Conflict
Men have been brought up with the ideals of being strong in the face of adversity, to not needlessly argue with women, and to just let bygones be bygones. With time, this conditioning has led many men to start giving precedence to peace over fairness in their relationships, even when they aren’t to blame for the issues that plague them.
Emotional Expression is More Acceptable When Coming from Women
When a woman expresses her frustration, then it is construed as emotional pain or hurt on her part by the society. However, if a man were to do the same, then this act would immediately be called belligerence or aggression. That difference is what prevents men from elucidating their part of the story to anyone.
Fear of Escalation or Public Humiliation
Some men worry that their act of defending themselves would be deemed adverse and be publicized far and wide thanks to the proliferative potential evinced by social media. They have seen the rise of recent movements like #MeToo and the damage they have done to the dignity and respect of so many men. So, to circumvent escalating things and public shame, they simply remain quiet.
The Breakup Threat Advantage
Men are at a disadvantage when it comes to modern dating and relationships. They know that if their partner decides to break up with them, then they will have far more exertion and time to invest in finding a new replacement. Women, on the other hand, hold all the cards since modern dating has rendered men replaceable for them. This is also a reason why so many men let women get away with not practicing accountability in their relationships.
Expectations of Being the Protector
Men are expected to be the protectors of women, a notion that has been solidified by cultural and traditional principles. Many men see this as a reason to excuse their partner’s shortcomings, especially their inability to take responsibility for their actions. If they do question this flaw, then it feels contradictory to their role as protector, and they simply back off.
Therapy Language is Sometimes Weaponized
A woman sitting on the sofa covering her face with her hands, feeling hopeless, depressed, or crying, visiting a psychotherapist.
The modern relationship vernacular comprises many terms like “gaslighting,” “emotional unavailability,” “narcissistic tendencies,” and so on. On their own, they don’t hold much potency but when used during heated arguments, they tend to immediately end the conversation completely. Women use these terms frequently when they are being interrogated about their shortcomings and culpability, allowing them to effectively make accountability feel one-sided.
Men Apologize Faster
Men apologize faster and preemptively to prevent conflicts from escalating in their relationships becasue of their predilection for peace. They don’t agree with the way things are but simply acquiesce to deescalate things. This might be a short-sgihted approach but it allows them to keep the calm and peace intact in their relationship.
Society is More Protective of Women’s Feelings
There is a ubiquitous tendency across cultures that accords unconditional emotional protection to women. There is nothing wrong with this but when the society becomes more protective of women’s emotions and feelings, then this narrative is exploited by many women to escape criticism and scrutiny concerning their relationship conflicts as well.
Double Standards in Jealousy and Boundaries
A man is called insecure and delicate if he feels insecure about his partner’s interactions and the boundaries she projects. Conversely, a woman’s insecurity and jealous propensities are labeled as her needing reassurance. The behavior is same but the interpretation is quite different.
The “Strong Woman” Shield
This is the age of the strong independent woman, the one who doesn’t need anyone and can do everything herself. She certainly doesn’t need to be questioned about her behavior and if a man does that, then he is framed as being threatened and intimidated by her success. That is the general consensus and dissuades many men from rendering honest feedback.
Men Fear Being Perceived as Emotionally Weak
A man runs the risk of being called fragile, delicate, or defensive if he questions, retaliates, or pushes too hard against his partner. That is why men choose to endure and absorb the blame completely, all the while keeping the frustration they are experiencing repressed and bottled up within them.
Accountability is Usually Framed as “Attacking”
When men ask their partners to explain their position, then they can easily shift it to being attacked by them or them overreacting or attempting to control them. The original problem gets obfuscated and instead the entire focus is brought onto his tone of delivery and overall verbal stance on the issue.
Simply Avoiding the Fight
At the end of the day, many women escape accountability because men simply want to avoid a fight. They don’t consider it to be worth the energy it expends or to hold any potential to change things for the better. So, they choose to remain silent instead.
Final Thoughts
It might not seem like it, but women do end up getting more favor when it comes to escaping taking responsibility for their actions. Not every woman does this but enough exhibit this tendency for it to be framed as a problem relevant to them. Healthy relationships demand equal and mutual responsibility, and ones where the entire blame is shifted onto one person can’t survive for long.
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