Relationships are tricky, you never know what to expect or what changes can occur over time. You might think that it is the grand, conspicuous altercations and fights that break up couples but that is far from the truth. One thing that all couples, even the ones in long term relationships need to fear is a lack of emotional intimacy. Emotions are prone to run rampant and interfere with a relationship’s integrity if left unchecked. Poor and destructive emotional habits can cause irreparable harm to a relationship. That is why it is imperative to learn about them and avoid them for the sake of a secure and strong relationship. So, if you want to learn more about these detrimental emotional habits that can slowly kill a relationship, keep on reading.
Lack of gratitude and appreciation for your partner
As the relationship gets older, spouses get used to each other and stop complimenting the good parts in each other. Taking someone for granted slowly breaks that person, as it’s a basic human need to feel appreciated and seen by the person you love. If there are no words of appreciation, this slowly chips away at their connection and emotional intimacy.
Brushing hard topics under the rug
Ignoring difficult conversations and being non-confrontational can do more harm than good, although for the time being this may seem like the best option for maintaining peace over conflict. A healthy relationship thrives on opening up and being honest with each other about your feelings, rather than suppressing the ill-feelings and allowing resentment to build.
Weaponizing Silence
Emotional abuse is the most dangerous form of abuse as it’s not even visible but the wounds caused on the soul by it leave scars that never fade. Silent treatment amounts to emotional abuse, as the victim starts second-guessing their value in their partner’s life and thinking maybe everything is my fault. There’s an irrevocable damage to the self-esteem of the victim of silent treatment. A study revealed that emotional hurt from emotional abuse activates the same areas of the brain that process physical pain.
Incessant criticism
When constructive communication is continuously replaced by incessant harsh criticism it weighs heavy on the partner who is at the receiving end of that criticism. They may start seeing themselves as less than, incapable, flawed and ultimately drown into deep depression. This causes irreparable damage to the emotional connection between the partners in any long-term relationship. The person may not leave physically, but they emotionally check out from the relationship and the decline of the relationship starts from there as they are no longer emotionally invested in it.
Buildup of Resentment
If one or both of the partners start seeing every fight or disagreement as a chance to take precedence over the other then that relationship is in huge trouble. A couple is supposed to be a team, working as one unit but when there’s a shift from “us” to “me versus you” then extreme challenges arise in the relationship which are hard to overcome. This cycle of blame shifting leads to resentment in the hearts and emotional distance ensues.
Detachment as a Defense Mechanism
Over years, one partner may adopt emotional detachment as a tool for avoiding constant hurt. Detachment may seem like a perfect solution for short-term peace-keeping and harmony in the relationship; the emotional toll it takes on the partner using this strategy is immense and detrimental to the relationship.
No room for Emotional Bonding
As the relationship gets older, and responsibilities like kids, jobs, finances take the front seat, the efforts to rekindle emotional intimacy fade and your partner’s emotional needs are not even on your priority list. Couples fail to realise that no healthy relationship lacks emotional connection.
Deflecting Blame
If any or both of the partners are unwilling to self-reflect and accept their flaws or amend the ways in which they may be unintentionally causing harm to the relationship, peace and love evade such relationships. Living together starts feeling like a burden, as you blame your partner for the failing marriage and instead of fighting for the relationship you start fighting with each other. It would not be wrong to say deflecting blame and accountability are silent killers of long-term relationships. A couple can not grow together, as a team, if they aren’t allowing themselves to evolve with time for the betterment of their relationship.
Lacking Purpose
Sometimes, especially women, fail to find a purpose outside their marriage and children. At a certain point in marriage when the husband is too occupied establishing his career and managing major share of financial responsibilities of the household, the woman may start feeling neglected, and starts to doubt her partner’s love. When a partner emotionally over-relies on their partner to feel complete or happy they are signing up for despair. It’s not humanly possible for your partner to fulfill all your expectations, as different stages of married life demand a different more matured and responsible version of the couple.
Violating Each other’s Boundaries
Having no regard for your partner’s personal space or emotional threshold puts your relationship on a tightrope. These violations not only destroy the emotional connection, but also make your partner feel unsafe and insecure in your companionship.
No Understanding
If you aren’t listening to understand your partner’s perspective and only want things to go your way, you are unconsciously causing a dent in your relationship. This creates a deep emotional distance between you two which is unbridgeable if not fixed on time.
Nagging and Pessimism
Fault-finding and ingratitude with constant nagging steal the joy out of your relationship. If your partner fails to see the positive side of things but is fixated on negativity then your relationship is in the doldrums. A happy healthy mindset is what makes a happy home.
Lack of Emotional Support
If your partner fails to become your emotional anchor in times of distress or moments of vulnerability, then you can no longer trust them and you can’t open up to them. An eerie silence plagues such relationships, where from the fear of being emotionally abandoned one partner has to bottle up their truest deepest emotions and distance builds slowly.
No Attempts at Renewing Love
If you have fallen into the groove of daily life, you may have stopped noticing the countless ways in which your partner makes your or your children’s lives comfortable. You both no longer appreciate each other and what once felt special is now just expected of each other, you are performing roles out of routine not love. Love needs constant efforts and expression when these elements are missing love starts to fade away.
Not Rooting for Each Other
When you stop taking interest in your partner’s goals and dreams and stop celebrating their small victories as yours, from there your relationship starts going downhill. For a stable long-term relationship, you have to be your partner’s biggest cheerleader and support system.
Final Thoughts
Long-term relationships do not crumble as a result of a single event, rather a series of wrong priorities, hurtful events, emotional abuse and disconnect are what altogether erode the relationship sometimes irreversibly. The good news is that you can salvage your relationship by being more mindful, more appreciative and more present for your partner to restore trust, affection and closeness between you before it’s too late.
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