You know you are stuck in a pattern when every date feels the same and you are beset by difficult women who are wrong for you. This is the hard truth and necessitates that some hard changes be made in your approach towards finding love. This constant attracting of wrong women will only bring you more bad luck, and in time, your energy will plummet to a level from which it might never rise again. Breaking this pattern might seem difficult at first, but anything is possible with the right mentality and enough effort. Your attracting these women isn’t indicative of your inability to love but rather a messy or flawed technique when it comes to dating. You are inadvertently sending out signals that cause these women to gravitate towards you. If you want to escape this revolting development, then keep on reading.
Conflating Chemistry and Compatibility
One of the first mistakes that you make is that you confuse chemistry with compatibility. Sure, it feels amazing when you go on a date with these bad girls. They are vivacious, energetic, and make you feel alive. However, this chemistry doesn’t translate to compatibility, as you learn painfully down the line. Chemistry cools off, and only when the embers are well and truly gone does compatibility come into the equation. Do try to remember this the next time you are on a date.
You are Drawn to Broken Women
You fancy yourself a fixer, one who can assuage the pain and anxiety being experienced by broken women. Well, you most certainly aren’t a therapist or psychologist because that is what these women need. You are looking for a healthy relationship where both partners are complete and have attained sufficient growth. These women are anything but, so ditch them for a truly settled woman who doesn’t need rescuing.
You Confuse Drama with Passion
A relationship with these sorts of women is highlighted by immense drama and emotional turbulence. You might be into passionate displays of affection, so let this dramatic debacle not confuse you. Drama and passion are not the same. The latter improves your bond, while the former exudes a veneer of stability. You should distinguish between them and avoid the dramatic one like the plague.
You are Blinded by Looks
A pretty face can hide some pretty messy secrets. But you are too busy gazing into those baby blues, those luscious lips, and that dazzling countenance to care about red flags. This inclination towards looks can seriously impair your logic and perception of red flags. Therein lies the problem, as you rush into a relationship with a pretty woman without recognizing the negative qualities beforehand.
You Don’t Know What You Want
You are probably one of those people who don’t actually know what they want in a relationship. For you, looks and humor are enough, and you are willing to settle just on these qualities. Well, it is better to introspect and find what you really want in a partner because otherwise, you are just going to end up with the bad girls all over again.
You aren’t Confident
The painful truth is that you are leading with insecurity instead of confidence in your love life. Confidence is the opposite of insecurity; it attracts quality and worthwhile partners. Insecurity, on the other hand, brings in chaotic parties towards you. So, work on replacing this insecurity with quiet confidence and you just might break this cycle of misery.
You Rush into Relationships
You are probably the kind of person that doesn’t take the time to reflect or deliberate before entering into a relationship. This rapid and temerarious approach usually ends badly, mostly with you ending up in the arms of the wrong women that you so want to escape from. It is better to slow down, step back, and contemplate deeply before you make a move.
You Love Misery
By now, it must be pretty abundantly clear to you that you might just be in it for the pain. You might have grown comfortable with the toxic patterns that mangle your emotions in these kinds of relationships. You also don’t give yourself the time to heal properly; hence, your propensity for such relationships lingers. Allow yourself to think and heal so that you can expunge such proclivities from yourself.
You Let Them Violate Your Boundaries
You are also likely to bring about the destructive side of such women when you allow them to violate your boundaries. You might be doing it for the sake of keeping the peace in the bond, but these women exploit this indiscretion and look upon it as a weakness. Be strong, and clearly define your boundaries. Articulate explicitly that you won’t tolerate any violation or overstepping in this regard, and all should become well in your future relationships.
Trying too Hard
You are constantly trying to be flexible and bend over backward to please the other person. You are always trying to please her and she will certainly show her true colors and treat you like a weakling. These women aren’t worth your time and effort, as they don’t appreciate what you have to offer. So, search for genuineness and not someone who wrongfully exploits you.
You Go for What Can Be and Not What is
You are the type of person who falls for what the future holds and doesn’t consider the present. Sure, there’s a probability of this girl turning out to be great for you. But that is what it is, an unpredictability and an unverified outcome. You should focus more on the present and what a person is offering before making the leap. Embrace the present, not the potential present.
You Fear Solitude
The very thought of loneliness brings a shudder down your spine. You want to remain in a relationship so that you can escape this undesired occurrence. This compels you to rush into relationships, even with those who can pose a serious risk to your sanity and emotional well-being.
You Don’t Consider Emotional Maturity
You aren’t exactly scrupulous when screening your potential partners emotionally. This leads to choosing an emotionally immature person. That person might put on a pretense of spontaneity and fun but they also circumvent the whole open communication and accountability aspects. This shows their level of emotional immaturity, which can be a huge factor for spoiling a relationship.
You Go for the Same Type
You might have a taste for bad women that keep breaking your heart. This means you are in serious need of rethinking and altering your taste in women. Rectify your tastes and long-lasting attraction will soon follow.
Attention isn’t Affection
You are the kind of person who conflates attention with affection. The attention part comes from the wrong kind of women. It is the intention and connection that you derive from the positive ones. Learn to distinguish between the two, and you will resolve all your dating issues effectively.
Not Deliberating after Breakups
You are probably attracting the wrong kind of women because you don’t give yourself the time to ruminate after breakups. You are unable to delineate and extract the mistakes and trends that led to the previous relationship and subsequent breakup. Chances are that under such circumstances, you are highly liable to repeat the same mistakes.
You Don’t Define Your Non-Negotiables Clearly
You are bound to keep running into the same kind of dates when you fail to delineate your non-negotiables effectively. Let your dates know about the things that you won’t compromise on, be it honesty, communication, peace, and so on. It shows that you are self-aware and only willing to take on those who will respect your wishes and are emotionally mature in turn.
Final Thoughts
Dating is hard, and the odds of running into the wrong or incompatible kind of woman are pretty high. However, you can mitigate these odds in your favor by following these guidelines. Who knows, you might just break the curse and find the person who’s right for you in no time at all.
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