While parenthood can be exciting and rewarding, it’s no secret that having a baby can rock your world. It can be stressful running on two hours of sleep while giving round-the-clock care for a helpless newborn baby. This big change can affect your marriage. Spoiler alert: It’s not all bad. If your marriage is going through a big change, you are not alone in the boat. In this post, we’ll talk about 15 ways marriage changes you after having a baby and what you can do to make your marriage stronger. Keep reading.
Communication Becomes Transactional
Before, you and your partner can schedule dates, go on spontaneous trips, or, if not, you can just talk to each other about mundane things while having dinner. Now, all of that can be a distant memory, especially if you don’t have a babysitter. It might even be hard to remember the last time you talked about things other than “It’s time for a diaper change,” or “You can have dinner first. I’ll look after the baby.” To overcome this, you must find the time to spend with your partner, like watching a movie after the baby goes to bed, or going out on a Saturday night if you have a babysitter or family member to look after the baby.
You Might Hate Your Partner A Little Bit
New moms can have hormonal changes after giving birth. They can have baby blues that could result in intense mood swings. This could be why a new mothers gets annoyed with their husbands in everything that they do. This is nothing personal. For husbands, what you can do is be more patient with your partner, even if you’re also tired. She’s gone through a lot, and the best thing you can do is support her. Help her with anything, even if she didn’t ask you to. Taking the initiative to know her needs shows that you value her, and even if this new journey is challenging, she’ll never be alone because she has you.
There Will No Longer Be Spontaneity
Spontaneity is out the window now. You can’t just think of going somewhere and “just go.” Now, trips need logistics planning. You need to prepare bottles and a lot of clothes for the baby, just in case you need them. The key to making this work is embracing the change fully. While you can’t do the things you used to anymore, you can still find happiness in doing simple things together. It could just be grabbing a coffee while having meaningful conversations. Fun looks different now, but it sure is fulfilling knowing that you have a partner who supports you and a baby that adds to the joy.
Reduced Physical Intimacy Or None At All
A mother’s body has gone through a lot, and you will have to wait for about six weeks after giving birth before having sex. But even with the approval of the doctor, you might not really have the time and the drive to be intimate with each other. Between feedings, laundry piles, and diaper changes, finding the right moment feels impossible. Intimacy is important in marriages because it builds emotional closeness and strengthens the bond. While you might have to schedule sexy time, it doesn’t have to be less fun. Create a cheeky calendar invite to build anticipation and excitement.
There Is No Such Thing As Downtime
You used to spend hours before bedtime reading novels, or you might have watched a couple of Netflix shows with your spouse before going to sleep. Now, downtimes are non-existent. If there is, that time will be used for throwing the trash or preparing your baby’s things for the next day. While bonding with your spouse while cleaning the kitchen might not be sexy, it’s your reality now. Maybe you can catch up while making the bed or cleaning up the toys. Giving time to your partner or complimenting each other can do so much for your marriage.
Finances Tighten
It’s no secret that raising a kid is expensive, and your budget for dinners out or spontaneous travel has suddenly become the budget for formula, diapers, doctor visits, or clothes. Without proper planning, it can create stress in your marriage. Your difference in spending habits can also create tension. To overcome this, it’s imperative to create a budget and stick to it. Talk about your priorities and what you are willing to compromise. Think of it as a shared goal, and you are working together as a team. Not only can you make ends meet, but you can also strengthen your bond.
Dividing Parenting Tasks Can Be Tricky
Dividing responsibilities can be tricky because one might feel more obligated to take care of the baby. It’s never 50-50, with a long list of things to do. Take into account the invisible labor, like remembering everything and anticipating needs. Because of this, one might feel they are doing more than their partner and might feel resentful. That is why clear communication is important to navigate this situation better. It’s also important to remember that sharing the load fairly doesn’t always mean splitting it evenly, but what works for both of you. For example, you are better at cooking than your partner, so you have to do it.
Alone Time? What Is That?
Even in relationships, having time for yourself is healthy. It helps you relax and recharge, so you’ll have fresh energy back into the relationship. When you’re caring for a newborn, you won’t have the time to do that. It might be easy to lose sight of your needs, or you might feel guilty of wanting some alone time, but you need to recharge and reconnect with who you are outside of your role as a partner and a parent. Talk to your partner and communicate how each of you can take a “me-time”. It can be a walk in the park or a 1-hour yoga class.
You Have A New Bond
Parenthood deepens your marriage. It’s about being collaborative in building a life together. Through the ups and downs of parenting, you’ll see your partner in a new light. You’ll be celebrating milestones. You are not just lovers, but co-architects of the life you are building together. While parenthood might be hard, it’s totally rewarding, and there’s a great sense of comfort that, through it all, you are standing beside each other because you are not just parents, you are a team.
Priorities Realign
Having kids can mean a change in priorities. Before having them, your focus might be on travel plans and advancing in your career, but when you have kids, their needs come first. Feeding routines and sleep schedules will be your top priorities. To navigate this realignment, it’s imperative to revisit your priorities together and reassess what matters the most at this time. Is it finances or family traditions? Sit with your partner and communicate with each other. Realignment doesn’t mean your life is put on hold. It is growth.
Resentment Can Build
Frustration can easily build up in marriage after having kids, not because the love has diminished, but because the relationship doesn’t feel like 50-50. One might carry more emotional load than the other, or one spouse feels less appreciated. In marriage, it’s not always 50-50. It’s 60-40, or 80-20. It’s not about who’s doing more, but supporting each other and compensating for each other’s temporary limitations. You are a team, after all.
You See New Sides Of Each Other
When you’ve thought you see all of your partner’s sides, wait til you see them become a parent. Parenthood reveals layers of your partner you’ve never seen before. Some changes might not be easy. The stress of parenthood might make your spouse feel overwhelmed or struggle with patience. On the other hand, some changes are heartwarming and might deepen your emotional bond even more. It’s nice to see how your partner cradles a newborn with tenderness. These changes are a chance to grow together.
You Miss The “Old Us”
Before having kids, your world revolves around adventures and spontaneity. Now, there has been a shift in priorities. It’s not that love has diminished, but your new responsibilities take center stage now. While you can’t bring back the old version of you as partners, you can rekindle the spark that must have been buried under feeding schedules, sleeping routines, and sleep deprivation. Make time for each other and revisit old rituals, but adapt them to your new life. For example, streaming your favorite shows after the kids have gone to bed.
You Learn To Compromise
Parenting involves making a lot of decisions, like parenting styles, career choices, and family routines. Before, you only thought of compromising your favorite travel destination for your partner’s choice. Now, it’s more than that. It’s about finding common ground on a daily basis to make everything work. It’s imperative to make compromises to support each other both in parenting and in each other’s goals.
You Become Stronger As Partners
Parenthood makes your relationship stronger in ways you never expected. You learn to rely on each other through sleepless nights, tantrums, and the emotional rollercoaster of parenting. You divide tasks or step in when one can’t. You got each other’s backs, creating a sense of unity and reinforcing that you’re in this together.
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