Thinking of dating in your 40s? Well, we have to tell you that it is a totally different ball game now. The rules have shifted, and what was considered to be the “norm” in dating has been completely overhauled. The competitiveness of dating in your 20s and 30s has been replaced by an entirely different set of quests and regulations. You are expected to know about your values, have a sense of responsibility, and an inclination towards peace at this stage of your life. So, it is understandable that the nature and characteristics of the dating scene alter as well. You know, that old “Dating Playbook” that you valued so much? Well, you are going to have to throw it out now because it just doesn’t quite cut it anymore.
The Three Days Wait Before Texting Back
Come on, even you have to admit that this was a stupid move. This move oozed immaturity in your 20s and it sounds even more insipid in your 40s. You are over the age where such games appeal to you. Maturity demands directness, and this certainly is anything but. It is nothing more than manipulation rather than being enigmatic.
Playing Hard To Get
Look, you are 40 now. The entire “Playing Hard to Get” schtick might have worked in your 20s, but that certainly won’t sit with your potential partners at this stage. You are only going to be deemed unattractive and unapproachable by those you date if you pretend like you are unavailable. So, cross this old technique off the board.
Fancy First Dates
You should skip the thoughts about fancy candlelit dinners and the perfect outfit at this point. Those in their 40s are more interested in the little things like a walk, going for great coffee, or simply having an engrossing conversation. Presentation just doesn’t take the front seat anymore.
Don’t Bring Up the Past
Your past is a part of you, and to quote Rafiki from the Lion King, “The past does hurt, but you can’t run from it”. This brilliantly encapsulates the approach your should adopt while dating in your 40s. Talk about your past, your scars, your stories, and listen to those narrated by your date in return. This makes for a genuine and deeper connection, one that you are mature enough to realize by now.
Perfection in Looks is a Requisite for Being Loved
Confidence overtakes appearance and contouring at 40. Real attraction at this point comes from ease of connection, being able to laugh together, attaining great chemistry and more. Flawless features, selfies, and filters are no longer relevant.
Love Happens Instantly
Slow and steady wins the race, as it does one’s affection and heart. Instant love might seem appealing and exciting, but emotional safety and consistent bonding are the real deal. These are what matter when you cross the 40s threshold.
Don’t Be the First to Reach Out
You are no longer in the dating game to satisfy your ego or engage in games founded around it. You are free to reach out as it doesn’t mean you are desperate. It means that you are mature, emotionally secure, and intentional in your approach.
Following a Timeline
You might have been into dating with a strict timeline in mind. You wanted to be married by 30 and have kids by 35. Well, those deadlines are gone, they are zilch, into the wind. These don’t define you, or your love life anymore. Relationships and the rate at which they unfold should be per your pace, not society’s.
Opposites Attract
Well, this is something that is somewhat undeniable. Yes, opposites do tend to attract for a while, but with time, the spark fizzles out. This is because shared values and compatibility on an emotional level are more conducive to keeping love alive in contrast to novelty.
Don’t Express What You Want Too Soon
You are at that stage in life where you aren’t afraid to express yourself and say what you want out aloud. You are free to allow this openness to what you want in companionship, dating, fun, and commitment as well.
Divorce Spells Doom for Dating
Ok well this is just pure balderdash. Divorce should never have been a spell of doom for dating, be it in the past or now. Divorce is no longer seen as the end for dating. Rather, it is considered to be the start of something new and fresh. You have swung for the fences once and learned everything about yourself and your dating preferences. So, you are ready to give it a go once again without any trepidation or strings attached.
Love is the Key to Happiness
Happiness doesn’t spring from love only, it comes from within. Similarly, dating is merely a path to joy, rather than a source of it. Love can be counted as a bonus in dating and not a compulsory component.
Men Make the First Move Always
Gender expectations are obsolete now. If you are dating at 40, then confidence is what matters. It is sexy and it is appreciated. Taking the charge, confessing your interest to someone, and approaching him or her unabashedly is seen as a sign of self-assurance.
Don’t Talk about Careers or Kids at the Start
Real life context is loved and not considered heavy any longer. It is a necessary part of the dating scene in your 40s. You are looking to generate compatibility with your date, and keeping information about these topics can spoil this endeavor pretty quickly.
Settle To Escape Solitude
You don’t have to settle just because you don’t want to be alone. You are beyond these fears and are no longer struck with anxiety at the thought of solitude. So, you should settle for anything less than what you want and limit yourself to facilitate someone else.
You Can’t Change What you Want
You know you have grown as a person when the same thing that appeased you at 25 no longer fulfills you. That is why evolving in your sense of standards isn’t to be conflated with confusion. It is actually a symbol of clarity.
Love’s Expiration Date
Love isn’t exclusive to the young. It can be pursued and attained by anyone at any age. You know at this stage that cupid can strike you with his arrow anytime and at any place. Love is ready to bloom between two willing people, regardless of their age.
Final Thoughts
Whether you are in your 40s or not, you need to know that dating and its pertinent prospects don’t dry up. The rules change but the possibilities for entering the dating scene remain the same. All you have to do is modify your approach, adjust your attitude, and you will be ready to date in no time at all. So, don’t give in to what the naysayers say about dating in your 40s and bravely venture forth. The rules have changed and we might even say have grown far more favorable for you.
Ask Me Anything