The notion of “self-marriage” is being sold as a conduit leading to superlative empowerment, healing, and sublime self-love for women in present times. However, the reality is anyhting but and under the surface, self-marriage is something quite different and perturbing. It is coming to terms with the realization that these women won’t be finding anyone to spend the rest of their lives with. So, they choose to remain single forever and mask it under the colorful and subtle label of self-marriage and self-love. Yes, there are some women who genuinely take this step because they cherish their solitude but that doesn’t apply to all of them. Read on and learn about the reasons why women are actually choosing to subscribe to the “self-marriage” concept in these modern times.
Giving Up on Men Ever Meeting Their Expectations
These women have been disappointed repeatedly for years by the men that they date. It might have been the men’s fault, or perhaps their own for positing such unrealistic expectations in dating and love all this time. Now, they choose to self-marry because they have given up on men ever being able to fulfill their expectations and demands and that is just sad.
Control Fels Safer than Compromise
These women don’t want to or can’t let go of control in their lives and relationships. That is why many of them lost the men that they were interested in or were with for so many years. Now, marrying themselves is a guarantee that control will never slip from their grasp. They won’t have to compromise, negotiate, or be accountable to anyone else anymore.
Independence has Turned into Rigidity
In the beginning, independence was great. It made these women feel empowered, alive, and invigorated. However, soon this strength turned into rigidity in their values, expectations, and approach towards dating and relationships. Partnership and opening up to someone else felt frightening so they eschewed this threat by marrying themselves.
Past Heartbreaks Irreversibly Made Them Mistrustful
These women must have suffered a lot at the hands of men from their past. They might have been betrayed, broken up with, or been jilted by toxic exes. Now, that mistrust from the past has permanently altered their approach and reasoning towards love, relationships, and dating in general. They can never trust another man again and the only one they feel like they can trust or turn towards is themselves.
Confusing Peace with Isolation
These women feel comfortable in silence. For them, solitude is a drug, one that they have grown addicted to and bringing someone new into their lives means giving up on it. They don’t want to risk being called the crazy, lonely ladies, and instead choose the more sophisticated and hip moniker of “self-marriage” to justify being alone.
Dating Fatigue
These women have had enough of constantly swiping, being ghosted by men, and going on dates that end up disappointing them. Just to mention here, it might be their own fault too, what with having lofty and unrealistic expectations in dating and all. But the point remains: these women have had enough of dating and are exhausted emotionally and physically. That is why they choose to marry themselves, simply because they can’t and aren’t willing to put in the effort anymore.
Wanting Benefits of Marriage Minus the Inconvenience
Ok, it needs to be said: these women consider men to be an inconvenience and find commitment to be an abrasive and repulsive part of marriage. They can’t sacrifice, compromise, or put in the effort daily. That is why they choose to marry themselves, because the only one who they can commit to is themselves.
Self-Love has Replaced Mutual Love
The narrative has shifted for these women from growing together with another person to self-love. They only consider themselves to be worthy of having access to themselves. The desire to achieve a connection with someone else is gone from their minds, only to be replaced by self-admiration and self-love.
Being Told They are Too Much
These women have been told again and again by their friends, partners, and even family members that they are too much and act roughly in certain aspects of their lives. Instead of accepting this constructive criticism, these women have accepted that they are indeed “too much” and have embraced their identity. They choose self-marriage because it allows them to avoid adapting or adjusting themselves in a relationship with another person.
Men are Viewed as Disposable
These women weren’t interested in forming meaningful and deep bonds with men and instead made them feel replaceable. They made their relationships feel like they were optional accessories for them and that is why they opted to go for self-marriage because the real thing was never a consideration for them.
Fear of Aging Alone
These women feared growing old alone, all by themselves, with no one around to call their own. So, they chose self-marriage, as it reframes solitude as empowerment. It allowed them to to avoid the deep fear of not being wanted later on in their lives.
Social Media Romanticizes Solitude
Social media has played its role in portraying loneliness and solitude as if they are something deeply attractive and worthwhile. Self-marriage is an operation that has gained steam precisely through the machinations of social media and the ones pushing for its perpetuation. Sadly, many women have been deluded into joining in on the trend without considering the long-term emotional cost of their choice.
Confusing Self-Respect with Emotional Distance
These women allowed their boundaries to become huge, menacing, and intimidating walls that no man could traverse. They let their desire to protect themselves distort into isolation and their growth stopped the moment comfort began.
Vulnerability Feels Humiliating
These women felt like opening up to someone, letting them know about their insecurities, vulnerabilities, fears, and flaws, was incredibly risky. So, they chose to close off completely and forever keep these humiliating, at least that is how they perceived them, things embedded in the deepest, darkest recesses of their hearts. Self-marriage was the only viable and safe option left to them in the wake of this choice.
Easier than Admitting Disappointment
The thing is, labeling it as “marrying myself” sounds far better and more empowering than admitting that you couldn’t find love or someone who could accept you the way that you are. Not the best outcome but certainly a likely one for women who can’t seem to compromise or balk at accepting someone who falls short of their expectations in love and relationships.
Final Thoughts
The number of women who genuinely thrive in solitude is very low. The majority of women who are going for “self-marriage” are doing it to justify their loneliness, failure at finding love, or rigidity towards change and growth in love. No matter how pretty the package may be, the reality will still remain the same.
Ask Me Anything