Just like weddings themselves, etiquette for wedding gifts isnโt as straightforward as it once was. Letโs lift the veil on modern wedding gift-giving.
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So youโve been invited to yet another wedding. No matter how many times it happens, itโs always a momentous occasion. I mean, why wouldnโt you be thrilled for a couple in your life taking such a huge and important step in their relationship?ย
Even more, the fact that youโre invited means youโre important to them. Plus, you get to bust out your most handsome wedding attire.
The upside to contemporary wedding culture is that anything goes. Each happy couple can find a way to make the tradition their own.
The downside is that you never know what might be proper etiquette and what might be a faux pas at any given wedding. These days, it seems no two ceremonies are made alike.
Wedding etiquette for gifts can be particularly confusing. You never want to bring any awkwardness to the custom of spending money on someone. Some might argue thereโs an inherent awkwardness in the custom naturally, so etiquette is of the utmost importance.
Weโre going to bring some clarity regarding gift-giving on this special day.
What Is Wedding Gift Etiquette Exactly?
Gift-giving etiquette means following the customs of courteous and polite protocol around the exchange. Easy examples include wrapping your gift properly instead of putting it in a grocery bag and spending the proper amount.
Donโt buy someone you barely know a Porsche, and donโt gift your lifelong best friend an airport keychain on their wedding day (unless thereโs some kind of special meaning behind it that you both appreciate, of course).
Here are some always relevant wedding etiquette rules.
The Safest Bet Is Also the Best: The Wedding Registry
If thereโs a wedding registry, just stick to it and donโt look back. Curating a registry of potential gifts they want is truly a gift to you as a wedding guest.
The registry often reflects their needs as a new couple, whether theyโre moving into a new house, newly moving in together, or simply planning for the future.
And often, thereโs a wide range to choose from, allowing you to accommodate your financial situation. Trust me. They wouldnโt have put those salt and pepper shakers on the list if they didnโt really want them.
And just because they chose the items themselves doesnโt mean your gift has to be complete without your personality either.
My friends know me as the whiskey and martini connoisseur in their lives. Iโve converted many anti-whiskey and anti-martini friends with my ability to shake up a good drink. So, if there are martini glasses, whiskey glasses, or a cocktail shaker on the registry, Iโll often go for that as my gift.
Iโm also the local watch enthusiast in my friend group. If thereโs a wall clock on the registry, I’m all over it.
Think about your special relationship with the couple! Perhaps thereโs something there that can represent that. Otherwise, whatever you choose from the registry will be absolutely perfect!
Off Registry Gifts Should Be Highly Specific
Let me start by saying that going off the registry is a huge risk. They might already have what youโre considering or perhaps not even have room for it in their home.
Only do this if youโre especially close to the couple. Perhaps the groom is your lifelong best friend or even your brother. In some cases like this, buying them a big-ticket item too lavish for the registry wouldnโt be inappropriate.
Perhaps theyโve expressed the desire for a particular gift on more than one occasion, and you know for a fact they arenโt receiving it from anyone else. When my best friend got married, I was in a situation in which I felt fully confident to go off the registry.
Iโve known him all my life. Iโve worked in the art industry for over a decade, and I knew for a fact I was the only person in his life with the connections I had when it came to art. So I got him and his new wife a painting I knew they always wanted.
An important thing I considered when doing this is that I wasnโt stepping on anyoneโs toes. It was something only I was able to provide. Donโt go for some high-end present when itโs something, say, their parents wish they could give but canโt.
Just as your suit shouldnโt outshine the groomโs, your present should be likewise respectful.
Something you definitely shouldnโt do is go for random wedding gift ideas, like glassware with no meaning. Basics like that will often be on the registry anyway, so just get them what they want.
No Registry or a Request for No Gifts
If the invitation explicitly requests no gifts, then itโs truly best to respect that. There might be a reason behind it thatโs really meaningful to them. Perhaps itโs a family or cultural tradition. You just never know.
If thereโs no registry, this usually means they simply donโt want any form of a physical gift. Many etiquette experts say that this is often a sign that a gift card or even a cash gift is completely appropriate.
Even if they donโt necessarily expect or want a present from everyone, a convenient, non-imposing gift is always a nice gesture.
Of course, it isnโt rude to simply ask the couple. In these cases, my go-to question is to politely inquire if I might have missed a registry link.
Cash Wedding Gift Etiquette
And speaking of cash, these days, there are many instances in which they make a perfectly fine wedding gift. Just make sure you know this for certain, though.
Many couples will even set up a honeymoon fund, which allows you to donate as much money as you want. Every newly married couple deserves a honeymoon, but sometimes theyโre too busy putting their own funds aside for a house or even a family.
Destination Wedding Gift Etiquette
The main thing to consider when it comes to gifts at a destination wedding is to not inconvenience the couple. Donโt give them something huge that theyโll have to lug back home. Even a coffee table book is just added weight for them to stress over when theyโre packing.
Make sure your registry gifts are going to their proper home address. Anything you give physically at the destination shouldnโt exceed the size of an envelope. This means gift cards, or better yet, a recyclable greeting card with information on their digital gift card.
Groom’s Parents Wedding Gift Etiquette
Every couple is different. However, traditionally, the physical contributions that the groomโs family is responsible for are the rings (including the brideโs), the groomsmenโs suits, and gifts for the groomsmen. Sometimes, theyโll also contribute to the florist fees.
When it comes to event-related gifts, the groomโs parents can fund the rehearsal dinner, the marriage license fee, and often the honeymoon.
Again, this is strictly traditional. These days, the groom may pay for a lot of these himself with help from his parents. Sometimes, the bride and groom split the costs of these, while both parents help a bit.
Many people find comfort in the traditions, as it gives everyone a set place. I certainly did when I got married!
FAQs
Here are some quick answers to commonly asked questions about wedding gift etiquette!
Is It Okay To Give Money as a Wedding Gift?
There are some instances in which cash gifts are appropriate, for example, when thereโs no registry. If thereโs a fund set up, perhaps for a honeymoon, then cash is fully welcome.
What Not To Give as a Wedding Gift?
Donโt go off the registry unless youโre close to the couple and confident in the specificity of your gift. And donโt step on peopleโs toes. If the brideโs parents want to get them something specific, donโt try to beat them to the punch.
How Much Should You Spend on a Wedding Gift?
Spend within your means! Most couples understand that everyone has a different budget.
How Late Is Too Late To Send a Wedding Gift?
Traditionally, sending a gift within a year of the wedding date is appropriate.
Conclusion: The Perfect Present
As many invitations might say, your presence is the present, right? Technically, in the strictest sense, a wedding gift isnโt required.
But in modern times, when registries and sensibilities allow for a wide range of gifting options at every budget, why not provide a gift? Itโs a special day!
Do you have a strategy when picking out a wedding gift from a registry? Let me know in the comments!
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