Men are expected to be strong and be impervious to harm, be it emotional or physical. They are expected to have it all together and be the calm, collected, and stronger voice in a sea of clamor and chaos within a relationship. This is a role that is inextricably linked with men, and its influence is ubiquitous, to say the least.
However, people tend to forget that men are also humans, and like humans, they can also grieve, fret, and be perturbed about certain happenings in their lives. They might don an armor of indifference and quiet strength, but it still sports some chinks. This shroud of nonchalance belies their true mental condition. They might be exhausted, emotionally and mentally, but still move automatically to keep the peace in the relationship.
That steely exterior might look strong, but it might be hiding a heart that his tired of the constant indignations, unfair demands, and emotional blackmailing in the relationship. Read on and learn why men don’t express their feelings about the weight of always being considered the strong one in a relationship.
Strength is Expected but Not Appreciated
Everyone expects the man in the relationship to be strong and dependable. However, he never receives appreciation for being strong. Everyone has assumed that he is the strong one, the rock in the relationship, and therefore not worthy or expectant of any praise or extolling.
No One Checks in
Because the man is the strong one, no one bothers or deigns to check in on him. He wants to be reassured and asked whether he is ok or not. He is stable, but even his resolve might vacillate if he feels like no one cares or checks in on him.
Hiding Emotions
Men aren’t expected to be morose, melancholic, or anxious or display any form of emotion. Society considers such men weak, and more often than not they become the targets of ridicule and castigation in the relationship. That is why men learn to hide their emotions and their pain, all in the name of survival. This pressure keeps building up within them and entails deeply adverse ramifications for their mental and physical health.
He Can’t be Vulnerable
Being the strong one demands that men remain invulnerable, or rather invincible, in the face of danger, frustration, constant nitpicking, and more in a relationship. That is why men prefer to remain stone-faced and unflinching and never let slip any of their desires, flaws, ambitions, or more.
He’s Tired of Fixing Everything
Men get extremely tired with the responsibility of fixing and maintaining everything in the relationship. Modern dating has made women incredibly vain, and they consider themselves worthy of special treatment. He accords it to them to maintain tranquility in the relationship. But all this sacrifice is for naught, and it hampers him from working on himself and attaining the growth that is necessary for his emotional stability.
Resting is Seen as Weakness
Men can’t rest, as the strong are expected to always be on their toes, always willing to take on the next challenge and complete the next errand with efficacy. He is made to feel guilty when he expresses tiredness or fatigue. That is why men don’t relent and keep on slogging, because the feelings of regret and remorse make rest seem like a luxury that they can’t afford.
They aren’t Comforted when in Pain
Men are praised for being calm and collected in the face of ridicule and chaos. However, it is when they express pain and hurt that the other person in the relationship begins to panic. He doesn’t receive comfort or understanding in this case. Instead, he is gaslighted into believing that he is the problem and that it is his very expression of hurt, justified by the way, that has caused harm and aggression to seep into the relationship.
Conflating Responsibility with Love
Men are expected to be loving and caring, and the most common means for doing so is by doing the household chores and running errands. He is responsible for all these things, but he has misperceived this to be an act of love. His partner expects him to do these things without any love or appreciation being a factor. Some men are able to distinguish between these two things, but they keep at it to keep the relationship alive.
He Doesn’t Want to Disappoint
Men know that there are many people in the relationship, like his wife and kids, that rely on him. He wants to take a break, slow down, engage in some cathartic activity, pursue his hobbies, and more. But he doesn’t because this would mean being weak, and that makes him a disappointment to the ones who depend on him.
Always Acting Fine
It tends to get tiresome after a while, always having to bear the burden of being “Ok.” It never really fits, and men still keep holding everything together. He knows that if he buckles or breaks down, then everything else will follow swiftly as well.
He Desires Safe Spaces
Every man wants to drop the tough guy act once in a while, even if he doesn’t constantly ask for help or assistance. This simply means a safe space where he can unwind and let his guard down. He wants to be able to let go of his responsibilities for a while and not be criticized for it.
He Feels Lonely
A man is praised and admired for being strong and resilient. But they don’t realize that this can be immensely isolating and makes him feel lonely. The big strong man is surrounded by many people who are appreciating his strength, but no one is really there for him. The dilemma is that he has very few people who actually see the real him and are able or willing to understand him.
Protecting Others
People in a man’s life might just begin to panic if he loses it, becomes depressed, or is seen as struggling. That is why the man has to hide his emotions and mask his consternation so that the others are protected and can continue to live without any anxiety or agitation.
He’s Emotionally Overworked
The strong man feels everything, and sometimes the weight seems to be too much for him. He becomes numb and unfeeling. This isn’t because of emptiness but rather a consequence brought on by exhaustion.
He Knows When to Stop Pretending
One of the reasons men leave relationships is because they know when things have run their course. Every man’s endurance and tolerance has a limit, and when it is exhausted by the constant nagging, nitpicking, and irrational demands from the other side, he simply packs up and leaves. That in itself is an expression of true strength.
Final Thoughts
Men are expected to be strong, unyielding, and utterly immovable. However, even they might buckle under consistent and ever-increasing weight. No one is willing to understand the man in the relationship equation anymore, and this is causing more problems with each passing day.
Ask Me Anything