Marriage is a sacred bond and it takes a lot for it to shatter. Marriages do collapse, but it happens only after a long series of neglect, emotional infidelity, unresolved resentment, unmet expectations, and loss of investment on the part of both partners. There are certain habits perpetuated by both partners that lead to the gradual but sure erosion of the connection and intimacy within the marriage that culminates in divorce. These habits are what effectively kill a marriage and destroy any chances for reconciliation in it as well. Read on and learn about these subtle and silent habits that destroy marriages right here.
Saying “I am Fine” When You Clearly Aren’t
It feels easier and more peaceful to avoid small disagreements and conflicts instead of resolving them. But it leads to the formation of resentment, which keeps on accumulating until it eventually explodes in a dramatic conflagration of passion and anger, consuming the marriage and destroying it completely.
Rolling Your Eyes
This might be a simple gesture, which most people construe as innocuous but it has the potential to readily corrode the connection between two spouses. When done repeatedly, it tends to erode mutual respect and the destruction of the emotional connection in the marriage.
Keeping Score
When both partners start keeping score about who did what in the marriage, then it becomes less of a partnership and more of a competitive arena. Resentment takes root and love vanishes because the latter can’t survive in an environment permeated with competition and negativity.
Spending More Time on Phones
When both partners spend more time on their phones, laughing at memes and jokes that they see on them instead of with their spouse, then it damages their connection. You stop paying each other the time and effort that you deserve and it erodes the cohesion and integrity in your marriage.
Assuming Mind Reading on Your Partner’s Part
Marriages die when spouses start expecting each other to be able to read minds and just know what they want without explicitly stating it. Honest communication allows for effective completion and satisfaction of expectations but letting them remain unspoken leads to disappointments, ones that distort into resentment, which eventually destroy marriages.
Withholding Small Affection
When partners stop affirming their love for each other through small, consistent displays of affection like holding hands, casually touching each other, or even spontaneously hugging, then this physical distance morphs into emotional distance. It destroys the marriage as it accumulates gradually when it is left unchecked.
Public Criticism
The foundation of every marriage is respect, and when both partners start criticizing each other in front of others, mocking, dismissing, and denigrating each other in public, then respect starts to erode. Once it is gone, the foundation of the marriage begins to crack until it eventually collapses.
Letting Appreciation Fade
Everything is noticed in the beginning of a marriage. Appreciation is abounding and both spouses extend gratitude towards each other for even the smallest contribution they make. Later on, when effort and appreciation start to vanish, then the level of emotional investment that both spouses have in the marriage follows in the same vein, ultimately leading to the marriage’s destruction.
Avoiding Difficult Conversations
All marriages need to address the difficult conversations pertaining to money, issues of intimacy, differences with in-laws, parenting styles, finances, and more. Couples who make the mistake of delaying talking about and dealing with these issues magnify their intensity and destructive potential.
Comparisons with Other Marriages
Social media has an uncanny ability to make relationships look easy and utterly effortless. Most of the time, what you see is a carefully curated and contrived version of what relationships should be. But many couples end up shattering their marriages by comparing them to these ersatz versions that they see online.
Prioritizing Winning Over Understanding
Some people aim to win and win only when it comes to arguments. However, doing so in marriage usually means the erosion of the connection that exists between partners. Those people who let their ego dictate their actions in these cases end up destroying their marriage.
No More Curiosity
Marriage demands that both spouses remain curious and fascinated with each other, their tastes, preferences, and their inner world. Ceasing to be curious about your partner usually means the death of marriage, as it causes intimacy to vanish and that is precisely what many people end up doing.
Small Lies
Small lies that are perpetuated in a marriage simply to avoid drama or chaos have a way of eroding trust in a marriage. When repeated instances of dishonesty become common in a marriage, then trust fades completely in it and once it is gone, then so are the connection and cohesion.
Treating Your Partner Like a Roommate
Every marriage has chores and responsibilities like managing logistics, looking after the kids, paying bills, running errands, and so on. But only those marriages end up imploding where both spouses forget to be romantic with each other and instead shift their entire focus on practicality and function.
Taking Your Partner For Granted
Automatically assuming that no matter what you do, your partner will always be there as if their presence is a given, a tacit probability, is a mistake that has cost many a marriage dearly. People tend to lose all interest and leave their marriage when they start feeling like their efforts and very presence are being taken for granted for too long.
Final Thoughts
It isn’t big betrayals or dramatic moments that destroy marriages; it is the small habits and detrimental patterns that do so. The scariest part is that none of these behaviors feel dramatic when they are being committed. They might even feel innocuous and downright normal at times. However, when they are consistently repeated, they eventually chip away at the foundation of a marriage till it eventually collapses.
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