Identifying when someone is taking advantage of you can be frustrating and difficult when someone is taking advantage of you. Those that take advantage of others have their methods that are calm and collected, so they seem perfectly fine at first impression. You may even be blindly defending their behavior because you like this person. There are, however, behaviors that become so consistent that they are practically impossible to ignore.
Being taken advantage of can be incredibly frustrating and can show up in a number of ways that may seem insignificant at first and can become incredibly dramatic or obvious in the future. These include the consistent draining of your emotional health, time, and even energy. These behaviors are incredibly and frustratingly common, and they develop incredibly slowly, making them incredibly hard to initially identify, especially when they create an unstable emotional environment. These are incredibly damaging behaviors that you may be able to start to identify and watch the development of behaviors over time and so gain a possible sense of control over your emotional health.
15 of the more popular consistent behaviors of someone using you are as follows:
They Only Contact You When They Need Something
A common behavior of someone using you is how one-sided the communication is. They will reach out to you when they need some type of support. Whether that be in the form of advice, cash, or emotional support. They will, and have, ignore their contact when they are doing well in life. People tend to place their focus on their own preferences and needs rather than focusing on everyone’s needs to make the entire group feel heard and valued. With time, some become aware that they do ALL the giving and someone else does nothing but take. This unbalanced dynamic can cause some to feel unvalued and can lead to emotional fatigue.
They Provide Little If Any Support.
Every relationship should have some amount of mutual support, but some lack support completely when they feel others need support, and when some people feel that someone else needs support, that is when they should step in and offer support, and that is when people should show their support, but again, some lack this completely.
They Often Protect Their Interests Over Yours.
People that lack the ability to use their own means to make their own choices, like the ability to use their own time to make their own choices, usually feel some sense of guilt that they need to rely on others to stay in control.
Most Relationship Lack Equity.
There is a chronic imbalance of time, effort, and resources. You may find yourself making plans, offering assistance, or initiating discussions, whereas they do very little in return. It is vital for relationships to feel balanced, even if that is not always the case to the same degree, as the disparity begins to grow; this often translates to one party being taken advantage of.
They Sidestep Any Real Commitment
If someone is using you, they will probably sidestep any real commitment in an official capacity to the relationship. That could mean leaving things open-ended, not being willing to define what you are, or glossing over what are supposed to be substantial discussions regarding the future. This allows them to simply keep reaping the benefits without any responsibilities or even any obligations to you.
They Are Not There When You Need Them
Reliability is a cornerstone of any relationship. In the case of someone who tends to be absent in the hard times but conveniently shows up when they need something without reciprocating, that shows a complete lack of care.
They Kind of Show Up When There Is Something In It For Them
They may seem to make a genuine effort to be in the relationship, but that is very open to being used as a means to manipulate you. This may result in feelings of anger or frustration. In this case, because it is always there, but for the moments of genuine need, the absence is more pronounced.
They Compliment You Insanely
True manipulation may use compliments as tools. When someone is absolutely over the top regarding the compliments, it may be a very serious red flag, especially if what seems to be a genuine compliment is followed by a request or even a favor. This technique is commonly employed to trick you into letting your defenses down, as well as to make you more inclined to offer something or agree to something.
Not Respecting Your Boundaries
When you are trying to maintain a healthy relationship, it is important to establish boundaries. When someone constantly pushes or disregards your boundaries, it reveals a complete lack of regard for your needs. This can include asking you for things that you are uncomfortable with giving, or simply ignoring your concerns altogether.
They Keep The Relationship Superficial
Someone using you may keep things like friendships from getting deeper by shifting the focus of conversations to things like upper-level practical concerns or business needs, rather than emotional needs, divesting the relationship from the emotional needs. This stagnation keeps the relationship from evolving into something deeper and instead maintains it around their core self-interests.
It’s All About Them
Whether it’s conversations or business, self-interest is the primary focus. When it’s your turn to speak, the focus is immediately taken away from you. You are left with the balance of feeling unimportant and inadequate, as your feelings and ideas are neglected and overshadowed.
They Manipulate You
You might be able to tell that your role in the plan or activity is defined by the extent to which it serves their needs. Your presence seems to center around your value and what you can provide, such as convenience, resources, and support. If there is no value to them, they probably will not make an effort to include you.
You are Pushed to provide Help
They might create a feeling of urgency or the need to get their way. This flow of control might restrict you in a sense of clarity. This might restrict the room of choice you have to the establishment of boundaries. This type of control can build up to the point of being overwhelming, and you might feel like you have to assist them out of obligation, even if you would prefer not to.
They Downplay Your Achievements
If some people close to you do not get particularly excited when you do well, if they do not seem to have such moving emotional responses, or if they even seem to have ill will towards your increasing merit, their intent is not particularly positive, and what they seem to have is an emotional distance, a distance that can be a debilitating support.
You Feel Empty After Spending Time With Them
The indicator that is probably the most obvious is the emotion you are left with after you spend time with them. You might start to feel unappreciated or exhausted because one or more relationships in your life are not in balance. An emotional response is often a sign of a one-sided relationship.
Final Thoughts
If you feel someone is using you, it’s typically not easy to come to terms with. Often people do not want to admit to themselves that a relationship is not as mutual as it appears. It can be uncomfortable to accept this, but it gives you the opportunity to create or re-evaluate boundaries that mentally and/or emotionally prioritize you. There is reciprocity and mutual appreciation in healthy relationships. Relationships that are emotionally supporting and caring are the most fulfilling. Relationships that are missing these factors can be emotionally exhausting to the point that the relationship no longer holds any purpose. Part of emotionally and mentally protecting yourself is recognizing warning signs of an unhealthy relationship and determining who you want in your life.
Relationships should keep you feeling respected and appreciated. You should not feel as though you are being used or left out. Your relationships should be uplifting. If you look at long-term patterns instead of short-term individual moments, you will better understand the systems in place around you and create opportunities for better, more balanced relationships that will add real value to your life.
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