It’s a sad irony that a person who’s all in when it comes to giving their heart gives it to a person who’s afraid to lose their own. The easy-to-love woman is naturally open, and this openness makes the relationship feel like home, but for the man who’s not ready to commit, it’s a threat. This can result in a painful tug of war as one person is laying the groundwork and the other is searching for the exit. Knowing these differences can help you end the confusion of why things seem so one-sided and begin to see things for what they are.
She Can Envision a Future, but He Cannot Discuss Next Week
An easy to love woman doesn’t dread the passage of time, she enjoys thinking about where the relationship can go and what you can build together. For her, travelling for next summer is a fun way to bond. But if he’s not ready to commit, he’ll get uncomfortable as soon as you ask him about his plans for next Tuesday. He doesn’t want to commit to the future because he doesn’t want to make promises he may not want to keep later.
She Can Prioritize “Us,” but He Cannot Stop Thinking About “Me.”
Of course, she changes her perspective to include a partner and makes decisions that take into account both her and her partner’s happiness. She sees things in terms of a team. His life, however, is still a solitary one. He plans, moves, and makes major life decisions according to his own wishes, leaving you to fit in wherever there is a little extra room.
She Can Be Vulnerable, but He Cannot Lower His Guard
Easy to love means she’ll allow you to see her, her fears, her messy parts. She understands that intimacy is a matter of being seen. A man who is holding back will keep a wall up at all costs. He may be likable and entertaining, but he doesn’t show you what’s going on under the surface because he knows that emotional depth equals commitment, and that’s the one thing he doesn’t want.
She Can Value Partnership, but He Cannot Let Go of Total Independence
She knows that in a relationship, two lives are intertwined and that there is beauty in depending on others. He, however, sees any kind of partnership as a loss of his “real” self. He is very sensitive to his independence and feels that any request for his time or attention is an attempt to control him or to deprive him of his freedom.
She Can See Commitment as a Gift, but He Cannot See It as Anything but Pressure
For her, commitment is a safe haven for two people to grow and feel safe. It’s something she’s excited about because it means real worth. Being “locked in” is like a burden on his chest. He doesn’t see the security it offers, he only sees what he feels he has to sacrifice, and each step forward seems like a burden.
She Can Open Her Circle, but He Cannot Let You Into His
She is quick to introduce you to her best friends and family because she wants you to be a part of her world. A man who isn’t ready will keep you in a separate box. You may go out for months without finding someone who is really important to him. He keeps his circle closed because if you were in his inner circle, it would be too “real” and too difficult to leave later.
She Can Make Time for Connection, but He Cannot Look Past His Career
She knows that work is necessary but feels that a relationship must be watered regularly to survive. He’s using his career as an excuse to keep his distance. When he’s always “too busy” or “working on a project,” it provides him with a legitimate sounding excuse to not do the emotional work of developing a genuine connection with you.
She Can Be Consistent, but He Cannot Stop the “Hot and Cold” Cycle
With a woman who is easy to love, you never have to wonder where she stands because her love is consistent and reliable. He changes his mood depending on his level of panic on the day about the relationship. One weekend he’ll be everywhere; the next weekend he’ll be nowhere. This hot and cold behavior is his way of regulating the distance so you don’t get too close.
She Can Define the Relationship, but He Cannot Give It a Label
She enjoys being clear and is okay when you are on the same page. She doesn’t shy away from terms such as ‘boyfriend’ or ‘exclusive’. He will do anything he can to not be labeled. He may say that titles are not important or that he “just wants to enjoy the moment,” but he doesn’t want the responsibility that comes with a formal title.
She Can Plan for the Long Term, but He Cannot Think Past Tonight
Your lives are already intertwined in her mind for the years ahead. He is only concerned with the here and now. He enjoys the fun and the physicality of the moment, but when it gets to the long-term goals or shared values, he turns off because he’s not going to be there for the finish line.
She Can Stay and Talk, but He Cannot Handle Conflict
If a problem occurs, she wants to sit down and discuss it so that they can both get past it. She views conflict as an opportunity to get closer. He feels that conflict is “too much work” or “too dramatic. He is not emotionally ready to deal with the friction and his initial reaction is to retreat, go silent or exit the room.
She Can Go All-In, but He Cannot Stop Looking at His Options
She has decided to put all her efforts into you because she appreciates you. He always has one foot out the door. He has backup plans, whether it’s having his dating apps running or just keeping “friendships” with exes that are a little too close. He does this so that he never feels truly “stuck” with just one person.
She Can Embrace a Routine, but He Cannot Stand the “Boring” Parts of Love
She finds peace in the quiet moments, such as cooking dinner together or watching a movie on a Tuesday night. She is aware that true love is in the routine. He is afraid of the “boring” life. He believes that if he doesn’t do something new and exciting, he is losing his youth. He thinks that stability is synonymous with being “dead” and runs away when things get too domestic.
She Can Compromise, but He Cannot Meet You Halfway
She is willing to make changes to her plans or adjust her habits because she cares about your comfort and the health of the relationship. He is very stiff. He expects you to fit into his life, his schedule, and his preferences without him having to change a single thing for you. He is not a man of compromise.He is not a man of compromise, he is a man of battle.
She Can Be Curious About His World, but He Cannot Find Interest in Hers
She asks him about his childhood, his dreams, and his day, for she wants to know his soul. He maintains his curiosity at the surface. He may ask you how your day was, but he isn’t really interested in the detailed answer. He doesn’t want to get to know the real you because the more he knows, the more he may care, and the more he cares, the more difficult it will be to remain uncommitted.
She Can Be an Open Book, but He Cannot Stop Being Secretive
She is not afraid to reveal her thoughts, where she is, and how she feels, as she has nothing to lose. He’s very secretive about his personal life. He may conceal his phone, be vague about who he is with, or have a part of his life that he keeps a secret. This is his way of keeping you from having a “key” to his life.
She Can Grow With a Partner, but He Cannot Stop Chasing “Freedom.”
She knows that in a committed relationship you have a new kind of freedom to be yourself and to grow. He still has a very limited understanding of freedom, which is the freedom to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, without having to answer to anybody. He doesn’t know that he is just repeating the same cycle of freedom he is after.
Final Thoughts
It is a lovely quality to be loved, but it can be tiring when you’re pouring your love into a vessel that’s deliberately cracked. If a man is not ready to commit, he will always find a way to say, “now isn’t the right time” or “this relationship feels like pressure. You can’t make a man love you until he is ready to love you, and you can’t make a man ready to love you until he’s ready to love you. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to realize that your effort is not being returned and leave and go to someone who sees your effort as the gift that it is.
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