Cheating is an act that breaches and irrevocably erodes trust in a relationship. It ruins any chances of a couple’s continued future together. It makes you feel like you have died and there is no point in continuing any longer. The hate, the disdain, and the disappointment that you feel towards the one who cheated is immeasurable and it plummets you into the depths of despair. But there does come a tiny flicker, a menial thought, in your mind where you consider forgiving them and taking them back. You might brush it off as nonsense and utter insanity. However, what if you were to seriously contemplate this probability? Is there truly a scenario where you can take them back without sacrificing your wellbeing and respect? Some people might argue, and they will be right, that cheaters never change or mend their ways. However, read on and see if there is a chance that you can get back together with your cheating ex, and what conditions dictate or determine this outcome.
It Should be A Conscious Choice
The first thing that you need to remember is that this is a huge choice. The ramifications will be wild and that is why you need to give this decision the focus and attention that it demands. You are taking back a cheater; keep that in mind. Only make this decision if you feel like there is no chance for you to continue or survive without them in the picture.
Cheating Doesn’t Invalidate What You Had
Cheating doesn’t mean that you weren’t in love or that the latter was fake. Cheaters sometimes cheat because they have a problem or a propensity to cheat. It doesn’t mean that they didn’t love you. It might change your perspective a bit and allow you to heal.
Restarting Your Relationship
If you are serious about going back to your cheating ex then remember that things will never be the same again. The old rules of your relationship will no longer apply. You will need to create entirely new ones from the ground up, effectively restarting your relationship.
Observe Their Actions, Not Words
The cheaters might lament, they might cry, and be deeply penitent. But don’t pay attention to what they are saying. Instead, focus on their actions and ascertain their commitment. If their actions are contrary to their remorse, then they aren’t worth it.
Don’t Lose Your Self-Respect
You should never ever try to take back a cheater if it deteriorates your self-respect. You should never compromise on your boundaries or appear weak when taking back a cheating ex. It just means that the relationship is simply not worth the trouble. After all, it is you and yourself that matters the most.
Trust Can Never Go Back to the Way it Was
Trust can certainly be rebuilt between two people, but that memory will linger on forever. You will never be able to trust them to that deep, tacit degree that you used to before the cheating debacle occurred. The scars simply don’t fade and the way you deal with them will determine the course of your endeavor.
Cut Them Off if They Attempt to Shift the Blame onto You
This is crucial and you need to remember this: you are not to blame for the cheating. No matter how much they complain about your absence, of not being there for them emotionally or literally, and not catering to their needs, just reaffirm your resolve to protect your self respect. Cut them off completely in this case and never ever go back. If they have the gall to blame you for their infidelity then they are abominations that you should drop immediately and permanently.
Choose Change Over Promises
The cheaters might regurgitate promises after promises of their penitence and undying love for you. They might try to reassure you that this discretion will never happen again. But it is a change that you should push for and ignore the promises. Look for genuine growth in them, over the course of months, to corroborate the veracity of their promises.
Healing Should Come First for You
You don’t owe the cheaters anything, much less the empathy of an instant forgiveness. You need to focus on healing from the wounds that they have inflicted on you before you choose to give them a chance at redemption.
The Nature of Cheating
You can gain a better insight into the mindset of your cheating ex by understanding why they cheated. The nature of the act matters as it will determine if it’s something fixable or not. For instance, a cheater who cheated because of emotional deprivation has a better chance of rectifying their conduct as opposed to one who cheated out of boredom.
See if They Hide Their Phone Again
This is the most obvious, overt answer to the dilemma, “Will they cheat again?”. If they are open with you and let you peruse through your phone or use the latter openly, then this is a positive sign of redemption. On the other hand, if they continue being secretive, furtive, and defensive about their texting or social media usage, then this shows maleficence on their part. Drop them like a rock in this scenario and be quick about it.
Consult Your Loved Ones
Sometimes, our past affiliation with the cheaters blinds us. We aren’t able to discern the red flags easily. However, our close friends and family members most certainly can. Consult with them regarding this approach and they will give you an honest and completely informed decision. They are being judgmental and protective, and that is a good thing.
It Shouldn’t Feel Desperate
The very act of taking back a cheater should feel empowering and not reek of desperation. It should be a conscious choice, one predicated on practicality and not simply as a means for escaping loneliness.
Second Chances Depend on Their Willingness for Healing Too
Trust can’t be rebuilt by yourself. You need to be able to depend on the other party as well. The cheating ex should also be willing to go to therapy, put in the work, and strive to the fullest extent possible. Only then will the odds improve in favor of your relationship’s potential reconnection.
There are Consequences to Change
People rarely change without consequences. Sadly, a cheater only learns a lesson when he or she loses what they had taken implicitly for granted. You don’t have to rush into a relationship to allay this remorse. Give them time to soak in the mistakes that they made and experience penitence.
Don’t Take Them Back Too Soon
Healing requires time and ample space. You don’t have and certainly shouldn’t jump right back in the saddle. The wounds are still fresh and the cracks are still susceptible to damage. Entering the rehabilitation phase so soon will only serve to exacerbate these conditions.
You Can Still Choose to Walk Away
You can love someone but it might still not be enough. The best thing, in some cases where cheaters are concerned, is to walk away. This can be the best and most empathetic thing that you can do for them. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love them, but rather that you love them enough to let go.
It All Rests on You
The choice to take them back or to drop them is up to you. The course that you choose will be influential in shaping your love life. So, ask the real question: can you trust yourself again to let them in again?
Final Thoughts
Going back to a cheater is a complicated decision. It requires much thought and consideration. This isn’t some small decision that you are making. You are opening yourself up to a world of heartbreak and potential abandonment once again. So, don’t take this decision lightly.
Ask Me Anything