Divorce is supposed to herald a fresh start, one where new possibilities for love and connection are abounding. All the paperwork is done, you have managed to overcome the custody battles, and you have finally learned to look after the household chores and learned to manage everything. With everything being so streamlined, you enter the dating world with lofty spirits, only to be hit in the face with the cruel reality that most women aren’t what you have been looking for in terms of dating. They are completely bereft of emotional availability and some are even irrevocably prejudiced against men, what with having had their hearts “broken” several times in the past. Read on and learn about the reasons why these dysfunctional middle-aged women make it immensely difficult to date after divorce right here.
Claims of Being Healed are False
She might say that she has healed and moved on, but that only applies to her social media accounts. The latter will be filled with motivational quotes about knowing her worth, the value of peace, and so on. In reality she will still be testing you for the crimes of her exes, will be avoiding therapy, and will be looking for ways to spoil the date actively.
Bitterness Hidden under the Guise of Experience
Sure, she doesn’t abhor men at all; she just makes claims based on her superb experience. She will automatically assume that you are lying and will cheat on her and tacitly extrapolate that you will end up disappointing her. If that isn’t unresolved bitterness talking, then what else is it?
Venting About Her Divorce
You might ask her about her divorce out of politeness, and instead of a concise, summarized version, you receive the full scoop from her lips. She will tell you about her ex, what he did, and how it made her feel, right up to the final custodial battles and so on. You feel like you aren’t there for a date but rather in the capacity of a therapist, which you didn’t ask for.
Claims of Wanting Stability
She says that she wants security, consistency, predictability, and peace in her life now, but again, that only applies to her social media accounts. She thrives on chaos and unrest and peace makes her nervous. She will instantly be drawn to those men who are chaotic by nature, mistaking it for chemistry while actively construing peace and respect as boring.
Hyper Independence
The first thing she will let you know is that she is super independent and that she needs no one, is capable of handling everything herself, and treats emotions as weakness. What she is trying to tell you is that you shouldn’t be expecting warmth from her side if you do end up going steady with her.
She’s Financially Empowered But Still Expects You to Pay
She is the kind of woman who will instantly tell you that she is her own woman and doesn’t rely on anyone when it comes to finances and money. All she needs from you is that you pay for the dinner, bear the expenses for the entire date, and prove that you are a serious one by not flinching at the thought of opening your wallet. She doesn’t realize that she is contradicting her own claims in this manner.
High Expectations But No Self-Reflection
She will have a complete checklist that you need to be able to fulfill if you stand any chance of dating her. She will demand high emotional intelligence from you, expect you to earn handsomely, and want you to come off as confident but not arrogant and protective without being controlling. The ironic part is that when you inquire about what she brings to the table, then she will either remain silent or will expect you to just make do with her “energy.”
Claims of Hating Drama
She might say that she hates drama in her relationships, but she actually misses the incendiary vacillation and sparks that it entails. She will call you boring if you are too calm, too much if you are too expressive, and predictable if you appear too steady and thoughtful in your approach. To her, love needs to feel like a capricious twister that is highlighted by unresolved trauma for it to feel exciting and worthwhile.
Claims of Not Being Ready for a Relationship
She is the kind of woman who will assert that she isn’t yet ready for a relationship but will still desire the benefits that come from being in one. She doesn’t want to be encumbered with labels, pressure, or expectations that come from being in a relationship. However, she will still expect you to deliver emotional support, fidelity, immediate correspondence, and protection. Basically, she wants you to be there for her, but she won’t be willing to commit completely.
Her Friends are the Jury
She is the kind of person who convenes with her friends on everything, even you. She will discuss everything that has to do with you with her friends, be it your attire, job, punctuality, and so on. You can bet all of these are being discussed in her friends’ chat group while she is sitting across the table from you. It makes you feel like you are auditioning in front of a committee.
Claims of Being in Her “Soft Era”
She is the kind of person who says that she now wants to be more feminine and tender and be cherished and provided for by a good man. However, when she ends up getting upset, then she will go for the blows. She will make you feel closely and meticulously evaluated, questioned, and emotionally gaslit. It is then that you will understand that she is “soft” when it suits her.
One-Way Expectations of Communication
She wants open and honest communication in her relationship, but that only applies to you in her mind. She wants you to always explain yourself, defend your stances, and be the one who conveys everything while she just sits there and processes. This makes you feel like you are the plaintiff in a court, being heard out by a lawyer or a one-person jury.
Claims of Being Over Her Ex
She will proudly claim that she’s over her ex and has moved on from him, but she will still be keeping tabs on him. She will vigilantly be keeping an eye on his life through his social media accounts and will be able to tell you about his new job, the color of his car, and even the color of his new girlfriend’s hair. This shows unresolved emotional infatuation and an inability to move on in her case.
Wanting Men to Lead But Only When it Suits Her
She wants her date to be decisive and lead in everything until it ends up clashing with her preferences. She also wants her date to be masculine, except when it ends up threatening her independence and authority. She also wants strength, but only if it is flexible.
The Realization That This is Harder Than the Divorce
The final thing that you end up learning after dating such trying women is that the entire ordeal of divorce wasn’t as hard as dating these dysfunctional women. You survived the courtrooms, lawyers, and litigational talk, but even those weren’t as convoluted and challenging as these women are, with their claims of wanting something but expecting something else entirely.
Final Thoughts
It needs to be said that not all middle-aged women are dysfunctional or difficult, but the ones that are make dating feel absolutely horrendous and downright tough. Both people who date after their divorce have baggage, but it is the act of overcoming it and modifying your ways that can spell the difference between success and failure in dating after divorce.
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