Men Who Dated Self-Centered Women Noticed These 15 Things That Make Them Hard to Deal With

You’ve probably met her. The woman who somehow turns every conversation back to her own story, her own problems, her own day. Perhaps you even dated her. If you did, you know what we’re talking about: that feeling when you realize that everything is about one person, and that person is not you.

At first, it seemed like confidence. Yes, that was a different thing altogether. Your needs are set aside. Your emotions are put aside. And soon, you find yourself in a relationship where you give and you get crumbs. Men who have experienced this know the patterns best. 

1. She Turns Every Story Into Her Own

You’ll begin talking to her about something that happened at work (perhaps a difficult meeting or a minor success you’re proud of), and within 30 seconds, she’s taken over the conversation. “Oh, that reminds me of when I…” becomes the soundtrack to your relationship. Your experiences are just the starting point for her to talk about herself.

The worst part? You no longer share at all. Why open up when she’ll turn the spotlight back on before you have even gotten your second sentence out? Dialogue turns into a solo act with you as the audience member who is allowed to clap occasionally. 

2. Plans Always Bend to What She Wants

It’s hard to imagine compromise. She wants Italian, so you’re getting Italian. Your plans are cancelled because she wants to see her friends this weekend. The relationship is on her time, her wishes, and her mood on that day.

You may offer her something you want her to do, and she’ll say yes, then somehow convince her to do what she really wants to do. After the 10th time, the magic trick becomes commonplace. You know that your voice is not heard when decisions are made. 

3. Your Feelings Get Dismissed Like They’re Inconvenient

Raise an issue that upsets you, and see how quickly she turns the tables. You’re being too sensitive. You’re overreacting. You’re creating a big deal out of nothing. She has a PhD in minimizing any feelings, particularly those related to her behavior.

But what if you push back? She will cry, get angry, or find some other way to make you the bad guy for even bringing it up. Your feelings turn into issues she has to resolve rather than legitimate experiences that she should care about. You learn to swallow your feelings rather than express them, as it causes more problems than it does to keep your mouth shut. 

4. She Takes But Never Gives Back

It’s always you who’s doing the work. Planning the dates. Memorizing key information. When she has had a bad day, checking in. In the meantime, she sits back and enjoys everything you do as if it were her birthright. The effort is unidirectional, and that’s not your way.

Request her to do something small for you (pick up dinner, remember an appointment, or help you out with something), and somehow it becomes a big inconvenience. She’ll do it when she’s ready, if she’s ready, but she will let you know how much trouble you have caused her. The scales are so weighted against her that they could be broken. 

5. Apologies Never Actually Come

She screws up, offends you, and goes too far, and somehow, you never hear “I’m sorry” from her. She’ll deflect, make excuses, blame circumstances, or turn things around so you’re apologizing to her by the end of the argument.

When she’s obviously at fault, she somehow evades responsibility. The best you can do is an apology, which is more of an explanation as to why she was justified in doing what she did. You end up feeling like a crazy person because you’re expecting her to take responsibility for her errors. 

6. Everything Becomes a Competition

Having a family problem? This is much more complex. Did you have a bad day? Well, her day was worse, so buckle up and listen. She can’t give you a moment, and everything becomes a competition that she must win.

But if you do something she hasn’t, then God forbid. The passive-aggressive remarks begin to come out. The backhanded compliments. The little things she does to make you feel like you’re not doing as well as you think you are because she can’t stand you being better than her, even for a second. 

7. She Plays the Victim When Called Out

Attempt to correct her behavior, and she is the one who is being attacked. It is she who is suffering. It’s her who can’t believe you treat her like that. The discussion you began about what she did somehow turns into you comforting her and apologizing for what she did wrong?

She has learned how to turn the story around. You enter a conversation with boundaries in mind and leave the conversation as the bad guy. Any criticism of you is twisted into mean, unfair, or cruel. 

8. Your Achievements Get Downplayed

You’ve been working towards something for months, and when you land it, her response is… underwhelming. Perhaps a “That’s cool” or a simple “Congrats” before she goes on to literally anything else. She can’t really celebrate you because your success could destroy the environment she’s the star of.

She will look for ways to tear up what you’ve done. Yeah, but did you consider… or I mean, it’s good, but, The praise is qualified, with asterisks, or immediately pivots back to her own stuff. You soon discover that she’d prefer you to be small so she can be big. 

9. She Knows How to Guilt-Trip You

Whenever you want to do something for yourself (hang out with friends, do a hobby, take some space), she makes you pay for it emotionally. The sighs. The remarks regarding your “busy” or “no time” attitude. How she makes you feel like you’re selfish for having a life outside of her.

And it works. You begin to cancel plans, you stop doing things you enjoy, and you change your whole life to make sure she is happy. The guilt becomes your new normal, and before you know it, you’ve reduced your world to whatever size makes her comfortable. 

10. Compliments Only Flow One Way

She needs constant reassurance. Tell her she looks good, tell her she’s smart, and tell her she did great. Rinse and repeat every day. But when was the last time she said something nice about you? When’s the last time she noticed the effort you put in or acknowledged something you did well?

Probably never. If she did, it was half-hearted and forgettable. You’re her personal hype squad, and she gives you nothing in return. The imbalance becomes so apparent that you begin to question whether she likes you or if she is more interested in having someone around that makes her feel good about herself. 

11. She Treats Your Time Like It’s Worthless

She’ll be late. Make sudden changes to plans. To cancel on you due to something better coming up. Your time is of no value to her. You should be flexible, understanding, and available when she needs you, but it doesn’t go the other way around.

Challenge her on it and she’ll seem like you’re being silly. It’s only 20 minutes” or “I had something come up; relax. She doesn’t want to see how disrespectful it is, because in her world, her priorities will always be more important than yours. 

12. She Needs an Audience for Everything

Every little thing she does requires witnesses and applause. Made breakfast? Better post it. Had a thought? Share it with all in a 5-mile radius. She wants to be validated, and you are supposed to do it when she needs it.

However, when do you need help or encouragement? Crickets. She’s too busy to notice you’re struggling; she’s too busy to curate her image and to fish for compliments. You are her sidekick in her one-woman show, and your needs only come into play when they get in the way of her performance less. 

13. She Keeps Track of Everything She’s “Done” for You

Each kindness, each kindness, each kindness is recorded in her mental books. Believe me, she will bring it all up the second she needs it. When you ask for something or ask her why she does something, she will always say, “Remember when I did this for you?

Love becomes transactional. There are receipts for kindness. You know that she has been keeping track all along, and you always end up owing her, regardless of how much you give her. The relationship is not so much a partnership as an ownership, where the other person never forgets what they’re owed. 

14. Your Boundaries Get Ignored or Mocked

Establish a limit, and see if she steps on it or teases you for having one. “You’re being ridiculous” or “Why are you so sensitive?” She takes your restrictions as a suggestion that she can ignore when it doesn’t suit her.

But if you set those limits? Be ready for the consequences. She will give you the silent treatment, passive aggression, or hurt feelings. You soon discover that if you have needs or limitations, you are the problem, and you cease to set needs. 

15. She Makes Everything About Her Struggles

Having a challenging situation at work or with family? You’re not going to get much help. She’ll listen for about 30 seconds, then start talking about how she did it, but it was definitely harder. Your troubles are footnotes in the story of her life.

And if her day was not a little stressful, heaven forbid. One day, your problems are put on hold because she needs all the emotional energy in the room. When she’s down, you’re her therapist, her cheerleader, her emotional punching bag, and when you’re down, she gives you nothing.