Divorce in present times has been altered to fit a new description; it has been made synonymous with themes of liberation, empowerment, and personal growth. Social media encourages it, modern culture extols the one who initiates it, and all around, laurels are heaped upon the woman who takes this step, calling her strong, independent, and empowered. While the zeitgeist of modern times treats divorce as a brave act of self-actualization, it completely ignores the reality about the ones who suffer most due to divorce, that being the men. This is an uncomfortable truth, one that doesn’t go away no matter how much it is denied or neglected. Divorce is praised as progress for women but men are the ones who are expected to silently absorb the entire fallout. Read on and learn about it right here.
Expectations of Being Strong
Men are expected to be strong and tough after their divorce instead of being bereaved or sad. If a man shows even the smallest hint of grief or vulnerability after being divorced, then he is called weak, a failure, and too sensitive. Men aren’t supposed to show grief, merely endure quietly, and overcome their predicaments silently.
Financial Loss
Men have a lot more to lose financially than women do when it comes to divorce. They take an immense financial hit, but people don’t call it a loss. Instead, this financial loss is rebranded as the man’s responsibility, as the assistance that is expected of him as a social responsibility to his ex-wife and children. It doesn’t matter just how negatively it impacts a man’s social stability; all that matters is that he pays out.
Losing Daily Access to His Children
For many men, divorce doesn’t just spell the end of their marriage; it also means that they end up losing daily access to their children. Where they could once hold and love them whenever they wanted, now they have to engage in a protracted and messy litigative battle to get visitation or custody rights, something that is treated as normal by society when it comes to men.
Male Identity Is Dismantled Overnight
Many men connect their identities irrevocably with their roles of husband, father, provider, and protector. Divorce brings a halt to this connection and men end up losing their identity in an instant, leading to emotional collapse and despondency.
Emotional Silence is Expected
Men aren’t silent after divorce because they don’t feel anything; they remain quiet because expressing their feelings of hurt and pain puts them at risk of being branded resentful, unstable, and bitter by the society and all those around them.
Men are Told to Be Supportive
Men are usually expected to just bear with the crushing transition of divorce and put up silently with the changes that it brings into their lives. They are expected to remain quiet and endure the transition that they didn’t initiate without any resentment, resistance, or objection.
Loneliness is Normalized for Men
It is a fact that post-divorce loneliness and isolation hit men far harder than they do women. However, the ironic part is that these crushing feelings of isolation experienced by men aren’t discussed at all. Men end up losing partners, friends, and the anchors that grounded them emotionally at the same time, something that should be cause for concern and demands assistance, but that doesn’t happen for men.
Recovery Timelines Favor Everyone Else
Men are expected to stabilize and recover faster than women and are given very little time and space to achieve normalization. They are expected to almost immediately bounce back emotionally, financially, and practically for the sake of everyone else without giving them the emotional assistance and consideration that they need in this regard.
Male Pain is Framed as Ego Instead of Injury
When men speak up about their pain and the grief they are experiencing after divorce, then they are judged for it. People dismiss and belittle these expressions of grief and hurt as sensitivity and pride, or consternation stemming from control issues and entitlement. No one gives any regard to the fact that a man might actually be experiencing genuine emotional loss.
Men are Expected to Stay Decent at Any Cost
Any expression of sadness, grief, or anger initiated from the man’s side is treated as a weapon that can be used against them. Silence is the best policy for men because otherwise they will be judged and criticized. They are expected to remain reasonable and decent and repress their emotions for the sake of their family, friends, and all those around them.
Society Treats Men as the Shock Absorbers
Divorce culture automatically assumes that men are tougher and therefore capable of absorbing far more pain and grief than women. That is why they are accorded less sympathy and understanding, are given fewer resources for recovery and are expected to put up with sacrificing far more than women.
Men are Rarely Asked What Divorce Took From Them
Women are inquired about this question and extolled for their resolve and unwavering strength. However, no such questions or conversations are made in connection with men who are blatantly told to focus on themselves and not lament or complain about what they ended up losing because of the divorce.
Male Hesitation After Divorce is Pathologized
It is a truth that men hesitate to reenter commitment or date after their divorce. However, instead of being tolerated for it, their reticence is pathologized. Those men who become cautious, selective, or show little to no interest in remarriage or dating are branded damaged instead of discerning or conscientious.
Men are Expected to Fund Closure Without Receiving It
Men have financial obligations that they are expected to honor for as long as they live without receiving any emotional support in the process. Men keep paying the price financially long after they are told to recover and move on from the trauma that divorce inflicted upon them.
Questioning The Narrative Makes Men the Villain
Any critique or critical remark on modern divorce and the expectations surrounding it made by men is immediately labeled as anachronistic, archaic, chauvinistic, and anti-progress. Men come to learn that silence is often the best policy under these circumstances as compared to honesty and openness.
Final Thoughts
Divorce can be justified, liberating, and even life-saving, but it doesn’t change the fact that it is far more impactful and damaging for men than it is for women. Also, men don’t receive the same level of understanding and support as is readily available to women after their divorce comes through.
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