Gaslighting isn’t always obvious, and it doesn’t usually involve insults or shouting matches. Gaslighting actually begins silently and without any previous indicators. It subtly ingrains doubt into a relationship and complicates matters. It is manipulation that is conducted on the emotional level. It is intended to erode your confidence, memory, self-respect, worth, and perception. It is one of the most abhorrent, despised, and toxic forms of control. There are certainly telltale signs of gaslighting and when you are being subjected to it. Read on and learn all about them.
Denying Things that You Know Happened
They will have the gall to look you straight in the eye and obstinately deny anything happened, even when you clearly remember it happening. This is denial, but don’t mistake it for confusion. It is manipulation, pure and simple.
You Apologize Repeatedly Even When You aren’t to Blame
You know you are being gaslighted when you are the one constantly saying sorry only to keep the peace intact in the relationship. With time, you are manipulated into believing that you are to blame for everything, so you stop struggling or opposing altogether.
Twisting Your Words
Gaslighters have the uncanny ability to use your words and twist them against you. You might express your feelings, and they will distort them into evidence that you are the one being difficult. Your own views and expressions are turned into fuel for the fire that consumes your relationship and sanity.
Every Argument Leaves You Confused
You start getting confused more often at the conclusion of each argument. You get prone to second-guessing what they said, doubting what is true, and wondering whether you are the one who’s being unreasonable in the relationship. This is a classic signal of gaslighting, confusion that leaves you pliable and utterly compliant.
You are Labeled Crazy or Overly Sensitive
You are likely to be labeled as too sensitive or even crazy when you express your grievances or feelings of hurt. They either ignore or mock these feelings exorbitantly. The aim is to make you second-guess your emotional reactions so that you relent and stop opposing them.
Altering History
Gaslighters will bring up situations from the past but will alter the details to insert themselves as the justified party while you are painted as the culprit. The more you protest, the more intense their insistence gets about their version being the correct one. The longer this proceeds, the greater will be the chances of you explicitly doubting your memory.
You Tiptoe around Them
It is as if you are forced to walk on eggshells around gaslighters. They assess, notice, and analyze every word that comes out of your mouth and every expression that you make. This caution on your part isn’t done out of love but rather due to the fear of agitating them.
Using Love as a Weapon
They use your love as a weapon to guilt trip you into doing their bidding. They will bring up loving them and then claim that if you truly did, then you would do this or that for them. Genuine love isn’t something that coerces you into feeling guilty and manipulates you into being more compliant.
Constantly Seeking Their Approval
You are trained to constantly and consistently seek the approval of gaslighters. You are manipulated into believing that their opinion is the only one that holds merit or value. Validation from them satisfies you while they dissuade any attempts at forming independent opinions emphatically.
Projection
These people love projecting what they are doing onto you. For instance, if they are lying then they will vehemently accuse you of being the liar. It is a tried and true method of theirs for deflecting blame and ensuring that they stay on top and in control.
Feeling Drained instead of Loved
You are bound to feel drained and emotionally exhausted after engaging the gaslighters in conversation. Love isn’t supposed to leave you in this depleted state. It is a clear indicator that you are being subjected to gaslighting and outright manipulation.
Distancing You from Your Support System
Family members, close friends, and other people who you can depend on, they constitute your support system. The gaslighters subtly break off your link to them so that you don’t get beneficial feedback and advice from them. This ensures that you don’t get to rectify your ways through discussion with the people who support you and remain dependent on the gaslighters indefinitely.
Flipping the Script
These gaslighters are adept at flipping the script onto you when confronted for something unbecoming and reprehensible that they committed. They play the part of the victim so profoundly that you instead end up consoling them and losing all the steam that you had gathered.
Doubting Your Sanity
You begin to question your emotions, sanity, instincts, and memory. This loss of trust in yourself stems from the ministrations and machinations spun by the gaslighters. This is exactly what they want, for you to donut yourself and never question them.
Silent Treatments Used as Punishment
These people are highly likely to use silence as a weapon against you. They withhold affection and communication and completely withdraw from you. This forces you to pursue them and constantly apologize till you can get back in their good graces. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t the one at fault here; the gaslighters revel in the fact that they can spin you around their finger like this.
Explaining Simple Things Repeatedly
Gaslighters tend to pretend as if they don’t understand even the simplest things you share with them. They force you to repeatedly explain yourself till you start feeling belligerent and irrational. This isn’t misunderstanding but merely psychological deterioration camouflaged as ignorance.
Missing the Version the Gaslighters Pretended to Be
You are bound to find these gaslighters as incredibly charming, focused, and attentive. They eventually devolve into the loathsome creatures that they truly are. You should recognize this to be a sign when you miss the version of the person that they pretended to be when you first met. But it is important to know that person never really existed at all.
Final Thoughts
Gaslighting should never be mixed with misunderstanding. It is pure and malicious manipulation, designed to bring a person under control via any means necessary. A person gains power over the other by erasing confidence and mangling the truth. Gaslighters are rarely sorry for what they do. It is better to break off completely with them once you do realize the onset of gaslighting and spare your emotional and mental health such agony.
Ask Me Anything