Sometimes, a relationship suffers a blow not because the partners aren’t perfect for each other but because their relationship is plagued by double standards. Double standards lead to resentment and gradually the relationship collapses. To salvage your relationship, you have to be aware of the common double standards in relationships and how to deal with them.
One Rule For All.
The rules in a relationship must be upheld by both partners. It feels awfully unfair if you alone have to bear the burden of all the rules. Here are some ways to deal with a double standard in a relationship.
Being The First To Initiate
If one of the partners always has to take the lead, like ordering the food in a restaurant, initiating a conversation, or proposing first, it may appear like that one partner is doing all the hard work in the relationship. Sometimes your partner may just need a little nudge to start taking initiatives and help you outgrow the resentment of having to do it all by yourself.
Friendships
Sometimes your friends become a point of conflict between you two. They may not approve of your friend’s presence in the house or hanging out with them. Instead of letting this anger develop in your heart towards your partner, politely discuss with your partner the logic behind their disapproval. If the reason is valid, it’s okay to step back from a friendship that might have been doing more harm than good. If you expect your partner to care about your approval and spend less time with their friends, the same rule must apply to you, too.
Equal Distribution Of Chores
When you both are sharing living space and yet one of you has to do most of the household chores, then you have to be more mindful of your contribution to the household chores. It’s a smart move to distribute the household chores fairly between you both instead of feeling annoyed by your partner’s lack of interest in them.
Hangouts
Sometimes two entirely different personalities may be tied together; one may be a club hopper who loves spending nights out and drinking and also forcing their partner to have fun their way. On the contrary, you may have a partner who’s a homebody and likes staying in the house while you crave hangouts. You have to work out a balance where you both get to enjoy hangouts or date nights together and still have fun your own way with others.
Shared Expenses
If you both have shared finances, then it’s not rational to see your partner spending money on expensive hobbies while you are restricted from buying your favorite shirt. It’s so emotionally draining for one partner to make all the compromises while the other spends extravagantly. Having different spending habits is an issue that has to be talked about upfront, and a middle ground has to be reached.
Sex Life
Sex life is always assumed to be led by men, while women so conveniently avoid or even refuse sex many times. If a man has low libido, is stressed out, and does not feel like doing the deed, the woman starts assuming he’s cheating, or maybe he’s not attracted to her anymore. Men deserve a break, too; this does not necessarily have to do anything with you.
Insecurity and Control
If your partner is driven by jealousy and insecurity and tries to control all your moves and decisions, they may not like any interference from your part in their affairs. This creates a tense dynamic in your relationship. Have a conversation on this issue and try changing your habits to make it less stressful for your partner.
Humor
Laughter in a relationship is healthy, but there is a thin line between joking and mocking or insulting. If your partner has a habit of cracking insulting jokes about you in front of others, especially his family, then it stings a lot. Responsible behavior demands respect for each other’s emotional boundaries. If one partner constantly crosses that boundary while they themselves can’t tolerate even seemingly harmless jokes, then this is a classic example of a double standard. If your partner’s sense of humor bothers you, you must tell them how it hurts, so they may become more careful in the future.
Shared Activities
A stable and strong connection is built on many foundations, one being the ability to plan shared activities to spend meaningful time together. But if those are your partner’s ideas that always get approved while they are carelessly dismissive of your opinion on the matter, then this is hypocritical. Your ideas should matter too. Address this issue with your partner to make them realize.
Conflict-Resolution
If you both have a different approach to conflict resolution, your partner may shut down and not talk for days, while you may want to talk things out; such a relationship becomes emotionally abusive for the partner on the receiving end of silent treatment. Decide on a common conflict resolution strategy to overcome this double standard.
Meeting Expectations
Does your partner expect you to fulfill all their emotional, financial, and physical needs? While they themselves aren’t trying their best shot to meet yours? This shows a double standard. Resentment and hurt will start to build up in your heart, gradually chipping away at your emotional connection with your partner. Say out loud to your partner that you feel invisible and unheard.
Respecting Digital Boundaries
If your partner knows your phone password but his phone is inaccessible to you, it’s not right. Also, which information can be shared with others besides you two must be decided and agreed upon. Mutual trust requires transparency and respectful boundaries.
Children Care
When children enter into the couple’s lives, the challenge now is not just about managing household chores but also dividing childcare responsibilities. Mutually decide which responsibilities you both are willing to take before kids come into the equation.
Discuss It
One important thing is to discuss what you see as acceptable and what you see as unfair in the relationship; you may quote examples to drive home your point. For instance, your partner freely meets his friends and family but expects you to not meet yours without consulting him first.
Saying No
A healthy relationship is established when strict boundaries are in place from the very start, and your partner respects them. If your relationship is subject to double standards, then you have every right to say no to things if you don’t feel like doing them. This will help you feel empowered.
Equal Rights
Do you feel your partner has a free pass to hang out as and whenever they want? But they put a restraint on your mobility? A relationship has to feel like a union between two equals; you aren’t there to serve as your partner’s subordinate. Reach a balance; both stay home if there is a problem with you going out to make it fairer.
Middle Ground
The compromise you reach is different for different couples and also in the form of double standards you face as a partner in an unfair relationship. For instance, you may have a night duty and your partner works the day shift; your partner takes care of the kids at night while you cater to them during the day.
Final Thoughts
In the end, a healthy relationship is one that has two partners who are willing to break away from the double standards and start afresh. Striking a perfect balance that suits both is the key.
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