When two people are bound in a relationship, whether it is a marriage or a long-term partnership, disagreements are bound to surface, and conflicts will be there, but some couples come out of the disagreement strong, while others develop an unbridgeable distance between them. The main difference between the two is how they decide to resolve their conflicts. Happy couples know the secret to a happy ending to such battles; that is, they know how to fight fair. They are fully aware of the fact that fighting is a healthy part of a healthy relationship, and it helps them understand each other better.
Here are 17 fair-fighting communication rules happy couples live by, which keep their relationships stable and their partners satisfied.
View Each Other As a Team, Not Competitors
A couple that considers each other a team rather than separated individuals will not let a fight take a bitter note. Even in any argument, winning over their partner is not the goal. Problem-solving is.
Fight about the Problem, Not Each Other
A couple that fights on fair grounds does not enter into disagreement to teach their partner a lesson; rather, the goal is to discuss a problem and reach a mutual decision about tackling it.
Do Not Blame Your Partner
A very important psychological technique of driving home your point to your partner without making them feel responsible for your problems is to use “I” instead of “You,” e.g., you may want to say, “I feel a little bad when I am not included in weekend hangout plans” instead of “You never take me out on your weekend hangouts.” This gives your partner a chance to see things as they are, without feeling attacked, which might make them react defensively.
Don’t Let Your Fights Turn Chaotic
Mature couples do not stir chaos; rather, if things get heated, they may step back to cool off until they are in a calmer state to resume the conversation. They give each other space to reflect.
Stop Using Underhanded Comments Or Insults
Fair fights are not marked by sarcasm, destructive criticism, and insults. You should keep the sanctity of your relationship alive even during the most vulnerable moments. You should understand that words carry the power to leave irreparable damage to the relationship, so you should avoid hurtful tones and words.
Do Not Dig Into The Past
A couple that fights fair does not dig into the past. You should discuss any issue that comes up head-on instead of putting it aside to use as a weapon in the next argument against your partner. In a fair fight, couples prefer to heal from traumas instead of letting them turn into deep-seated resentment or unhealed past traumas.
Know The Thin Line Between Honesty And Hurting
A mature couple understands that honesty should not come at the cost of their partner’s emotional health. Therefore, you should know the difference between being honest and being brutally honest in a hurtful way. Do not let kindness evade your relationship; to maintain a calm atmosphere, even during a fight.
Be Accountable
A couple that respects each other and fights out of love, not animosity, is willing to accept their part or mistake and work on themselves to amend their ways.
Let Your Partner Talk First
An emotionally intelligent partner gives ample space and time to their partner to pour their heart out without cutting them off. Active, nonjudgmental listening is viewed by him as an indispensable healing tool. So, let your partner talk uninterrupted before you intervene with your words.
Do Not Jump to Assumptions
A fair fight requires understanding and maturity from a couple. If you want to make your partner feel valued and validated, do not judge them; instead, ask questions calmly to gain perspective and understand them.
Listen, Not React
Instead of planning your next hurtful or witty comeback while your partner speaks, keep your sole focus on keeping your mind and heart open to understanding them. Good listening paves the way for good communication.
Gentle Touch to Soften the Tone
Never underestimate the healing power of a gentle touch; a little pat on their back or a gentle press of their hand can soften your partner’s tone, and things can quickly move back to normalcy.
Keep the Fight Solution-Centric
Deal with the problem, not your partner, as the fight is about that problem. Keep in mind that losing in an argument with your partner, if it brings peace or resolution to the conflict, is not a loss but a win for your relationship.
Don’t Use Separation as a Threat
Bear in mind not to use leaving as a threat to quieten your partner, as it only creates insecurity and mistrust in your relationship. Your partner may be intimidated into silence, but this will leave a scar on their soul, which is hard to recover from. A fair fight seeks conflict resolution, not conflict avoidance or obedience.
Keep Your Gestures and Body Language Calm
Keep a calm demeanor. As long as you have control over the tone of your voice and body language, e.g., not resorting to sarcastic laughs, eye rolls, or death stares, there is a chance of ending the fight on cordial terms.
Be the First One to Apologize
To move forward from the fight, be the bigger person. Don’t feel ashamed of approaching your partner first and apologizing. This neutral gesture will win their heart, and they may reach a mutual consensus on the problem with you happily.
Always End the Fight On a Good Note
The key to a fair fight that does not spiral out of control is to resolve as a couple that no matter how tough the situation gets, you have to end your fight on a happy note with a workable solution as an outcome.
Final Thoughts
Happy couples do not try to brush uncomfortable discussions under the rug; rather, they deal with them head-on. They do not avoid disagreements; rather, their fights are on fair grounds as they keep in mind that in the end, love should win because that is the real win for their relationship. When you follow the 17 communication principles, your relationship will come out stronger from a fight, rather than weakening. With empathy as a core value and love for your partner in your heart, there is no way any fighting can drift you apart.
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