We’re taught early to play small: don’t take up too much space, don’t speak too loudly, don’t want too much, don’t outshine. But shrinking yourself–in conversations, decisions, or even posture–doesn’t protect you. It erases you.
This isn’t about being aggressive or attention-seeking. It’s about learning how to fully inhabit your life. To show up. To stop apologizing for existing. Here are 17 concrete ways to stop minimizing yourself and start standing in your full presence.
1. Unlearn the Reflex to Apologize for Existing
“I’m sorry” can become a tick–a nervous placeholder when you’re afraid of being too much. Start noticing when you say sorry in situations that don’t require it: when someone bumps into you, when you have a need, when you’re simply taking up space. Try replacing it with “thank you” instead. “Thank you for waiting” has more dignity than “sorry I’m late.” Rewiring this reflex won’t just change how people see you. It’ll change how you see yourself.
2. Speak in Whole Sentences, Not Disclaimers
Pay attention to how you frame your thoughts: “I might be wrong, but…” or “This is probably a dumb idea…” Every time you pad your sentence with doubt, you’re training people–and yourself–to undervalue your voice. Speak with clarity. You’re not responsible for whether your truth makes everyone comfortable. You’re responsible for being clear, honest, and human.
3. Sit and Stand Like You Belong
Shrinking yourself shows up physically: slouching, crossed arms, holding your body in like you’re trying to disappear. Instead, straighten your spine, roll your shoulders back, and let your feet be grounded. Confidence isn’t just a mindset–it’s something you practice with your body. The more you physically take up space, the more your mind catches up and believes you deserve to.
4. Stop Qualifying Your Desires
Saying things like “I know it’s silly, but I really want…” or “I probably shouldn’t want this much…” teaches your brain to second-guess what lights you up. There’s nothing noble about pretending you don’t care. Desire is what keeps you connected to aliveness. Own what you want–not just in your private thoughts, but out loud. Practice saying, “This matters to me.” That’s enough of a reason.
5. Take Up Space in Conversations
If you notice yourself rushing through your stories or cutting them short, ask why. Are you afraid people will get bored? Are you pre-editing yourself for someone else’s attention span? You don’t have to dominate a room, but your words are allowed to breathe. Pause. Speak slower. Hold eye contact. Give your stories the gravity they deserve–and watch how differently people lean in.
6. Drop the Self-Deprecation
Humor is powerful–but if your go-to joke is always at your own expense, that’s not wit. That’s a shield. It creates a pre-emptive strike: you insult yourself before others can. But over time, it chips away at your self-respect and subtly gives people permission to agree with your lowest view of yourself. You don’t need to be the butt of the joke to be likable. Let yourself be seen without the punchline.
7. Say What You Actually Think–Not What You Think They Want to Hear
It’s easy to default to the safe opinion, the agreeable nod, the people-pleasing echo. But every time you override your truth to maintain harmony, you disappear a little. Practice small acts of honesty in low-stakes situations–“Actually, I don’t love that restaurant” or “I disagree, and here’s why.” Let your opinions have oxygen. You don’t need to be confrontational–just real.
8. Stop Asking for Permission to Be Who You Already Are
You don’t need a committee vote to change your career, dress differently, or want more out of life. Waiting for people’s full understanding or approval before you make a move is just another way of shrinking. Be respectful, yes. But stop outsourcing your self-acceptance. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for becoming more you.
9. Wear What Makes You Feel Visible
Style is language. It tells people how you see yourself. So ask: are you dressing to blend in or to be remembered? Are you muting yourself to avoid attention, or expressing something honest with how you show up? You don’t need to chase trends–just find what feels powerful on you. A bold color. A confident silhouette. A look that says, “I am here, and I’m not hiding.”
10. Make Eye Contact Like You Mean It
Shrinking people often avoid eye contact because it feels exposing. But the ability to hold someone’s gaze–even for a few seconds–is a quiet power. It says you’re present, grounded, and unafraid of being seen. Practice it when you’re ordering coffee, introducing yourself, or speaking in meetings. Eye contact isn’t aggressive–it’s connective.
11. Don’t Over-Explain Your No
You don’t need a ten-paragraph excuse to decline an invitation or say no to a request. A simple, direct “I’m not available” or “That doesn’t work for me” is enough. Over-explaining your no is a way of softening your boundaries so they’re more palatable–but all it really does is signal guilt. Your no is a complete sentence. Let it stand on its own.
12. Let Yourself Be Celebrated Without Deflecting
When someone compliments you, do you downplay it or change the subject? That’s shrinking. Learning to say “Thank you” without caveats is part of owning your presence. You don’t need to return a compliment immediately, minimize your effort, or make a joke. Let good things land. Receiving graciously is part of growing into your self-worth.
13. Ask for What You Need Without Apology
Whether it’s time off, more clarity, help with something, or emotional support–asking directly without wrapping it in guilt is a form of emotional maturity. You are allowed to need things. And more importantly, you’re allowed to ask for them. Practice this with people who are safe. Build the muscle. Clear asks create clearer relationships–and clearer self-respect.
14. Trust That Silence Isn’t Always Rejection
A lack of response doesn’t automatically mean disapproval. But if you’ve been conditioned to chase validation, silence can feel suffocating. Learn to hold your ground when you don’t get immediate affirmation. Let your ideas breathe even if no one claps. Let your boundaries stand even if someone pulls away. Other people’s uncertainty doesn’t have to shake your center.
15. Say Your Dreams Out Loud
We often keep our biggest ambitions secret–not because we’re humble, but because we’re afraid they’ll sound ridiculous. But hiding your dreams to protect yourself from judgment only shrinks your future. Say what you want to do. Say where you want to go. Speak it into rooms, even if your voice shakes. Owning your vision publicly is the first step to building it.
16. Let Go of the Fear of “Too Much”
Too loud. Too emotional. Too intense. Too ambitious. Most people who’ve been told they’re “too much” are actually just surrounded by people who prefer others to be less. Take that feedback and translate it: “Too much” usually just means “I can’t control you.” And that’s not your problem. You don’t have to tone yourself down to be accepted. Find people who can handle your full volume.
17. Practice Occupying the Moment You’re In
Shrinking often shows up as mental absence–second-guessing what you just said, worrying how you came across, editing yourself in real time. But your power lives in presence. Breathe into the moment you’re in. Speak, move, and respond from now–not fear of later. This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being rooted, alive, and unapologetically here.
Ask Me Anything