Relationships are a two-way street, sure. You give a little, you take a little. But some things are just.. non-negotiable. Knowing where to draw the line is vital because the last thing you want is for someone you love to keep overstepping your boundaries.
No one wants to wake up five years later and wish they had noticed the signs sooner. So here’s your cheat sheet on seventeen dealbreakers you should never, ever shrug off, even if the rest of the package seems perfect.
1. Dishonesty is a slippery slope
It starts with a “little white lie” about where they were last night. Then it’s something bigger, and before you know it, you’re questioning everything from their compliments to the stories they tell about childhood.
Trust is like a glass of bourbon. Once it’s spilled, you can mop it up, but it’s never quite full again. If someone can’t be straight with you, no amount of charm should outweigh that gnawing doubt in your gut.
2. They don’t respect your boundaries
Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re more like fences with gates and you choose who gets through. If someone constantly pushes past what you’re comfortable with by checking your phone, making jokes that cut too deep, or showing up at your job uninvited, that’s a big red flag.
Over time, it feels like death by a thousand paper cuts, and nobody needs that.
3. Emotional unavailability
You can love someone who feels like a locked safe. You can also exhaust yourself trying to crack it open. If every vulnerable moment is met with silence or deflection or worse, mockery then you’re dating a brick wall.
Eventually, you’ll feel lonelier in their company than you ever did alone.
4. Chronic irresponsibility
Everybody forgets to pay a bill now and then. But if they’re always broke, dodging calls from their boss, or treating life like an endless frat party guess who’s gonna end up carrying them like a backpack up a mountain. You’re building a future, not babysitting a perpetual teenager.
5. They belittle your ambitions
You’ve got goals. Maybe you want to start your own business, run a marathon, write that book whatever. But if your partner rolls their eyes every time you bring it up or makes snide comments about your “little dreams” that sting isn’t going away.
A good partner should be one of your biggest supporters. If that’s not the case, then maybe you should rethink the relationship you have now.
6. Contempt and constant criticism
You know that feeling when you’re being pecked at by tiny birds? That’s what it’s like to be in a relationship where contempt has set in. Little digs about your weight, your job, your laugh, it all adds up.
Soon enough, you’re walking around hollowed out, wondering when you started feeling so small.
7. Jealousy and possessiveness
A tiny flicker of jealousy can feel flattering, sure. But when it turns into full-blown interrogations over every text you send or who you talk to at the gym, that just screams major insecurity.
Don’t let someone shrink your world to the size of their jealousy or possessiveness because it’ll only limit your potential.
8. Poor communication
If you need a Ouija board to figure out what they’re thinking you’ve got a problem. When someone shuts down, plays games, or picks fights just to avoid saying what’s really on their mind it creates tension you can almost taste.
Silent arguments can be more deafening than shouting arguments.
9. They disrespect your family and friends
You’re not dating in a vacuum. Your life includes your buddies, your mom, your weird uncle with the dad jokes all of them.
If your partner bad-mouths or freezes out the people you care about, holidays and birthdays turn into awkward landmines. That’s no way to live.
10. Disinterest in intimacy
Intimacy isn’t just about what happens between the sheets. It’s cuddling on the couch, that look across the room, the hand-squeeze during a tough moment.
If someone stops showing affection or treats it like a chore, that lack of closeness chips away at the bond little by little.
11. Substance abuse without effort to change
Everybody has their own struggles. But if your partner’s relationship with alcohol, drugs, or even gambling spirals out of control and they refuse to get help, it’s like driving on bald tires through a blizzard.
You’re risking both your safety and your sanity. You’ll thank yourself for it in the long run.
12. Different core values
You don’t have to agree on everything, but if your visions of the future clash on big-ticket items like kids, religion, and lifestyle, you’re essentially rowing in opposite directions.
It can be exhausting and aimless. Nobody wants to spend years paddling in circles, so think this one through and see if you can really live the rest of your life with someone who views the world differently from you.
13. Manipulative behavior
Gaslighting isn’t just a buzzword. It’s when someone spins your reality so you start doubting your own memory, your instincts, and even your sanity.
If you often find yourself confused and apologizing for things you didn’t do, that’s a red flag the size of Texas.
14. No gratitude or appreciation
Nobody likes feeling like a butler in their own relationship. When someone stops saying “thank you” for dinner, errands, or just being there it breeds resentment fast.
Those small acknowledgments keep relationships warm. Don’t settle for someone who treats you like background noise.
15. Unresolved anger issues
You ever walk into a room and felt like you’re tiptoeing on eggshells? That’s what being with someone who can’t manage their temper feels like.
The tension is suffocating, and even the happiest moments feel shadowed by the next outburst waiting to happen.
16. They waste your time
Life’s short. If they’re chronically late, cancel plans last-minute, or treat your schedule like it’s a suggestion rather than a commitment they’re showing you exactly how much they value you.
We all have that one buddy who’s 45 minutes late to everything but you don’t want to date that guy.
17. Cheating or betrayal
This one almost goes without saying but here it is anyway. When someone betrays your trust emotionally or physically it’s like trying to patch up a boat with duct tape.
Sure, you might keep it afloat for a while but you’ll always wonder when it’s going to sink.
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