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20 Habits Men Think Are Normal But Women Call Red Flags

Updated on September 7, 2025 by TMM Staff · Dating & Confidence

A man in a black turtleneck rests his head on his hand and looks at the camera.
©Paul Kim /Unsplash.com

Being a grown man means facing truths no one taught you. You might think some habits are just part of who you are, but the women in your life see them as warning lights. It’s time to stop shrugging off feedback and actually listen. Laugh if you want, but you’ll feel a sting when you recognize yourself in these patterns. Consider this your wake‑up call served with a smirk and a brotherly nudge.

Table of Contents

Toggle
  • Dodging Mistakes with Jokes
  • Playing the Blame Game
  • Emotional Unavailability
  • Pushing Past Boundaries
  • Never Meeting Up
  • Toxic Communication Habits
  • Rolls Eyes at Women’s Stories
  • Temper Tantrums and Rage
  • Flaky and Unreliable
  • Every Ex Was Crazy
  • Small Lies and Big Lies
  • Too Much Booze or Worse
  • Permanent Storm Cloud
  • Money Messes
  • Testing Your Loyalty
  • No Growth, No Goals
  • Me, Me, Me
  • Too Good, Too Fast
  • Jealous Control Freak
  • Mind Games and Guilt Trips

Dodging Mistakes with Jokes

A man with a mustache and curly hair smiles and looks down.
©Ahmet Kurt/Unsplash.com

Cracking jokes when you mess up isn’t charming; it’s deflection. She hears your laughter, but she also hears the hurt you won’t admit. Owning your mistakes is grown‑man stuff; making jokes just signals you’re scared of accountability. Ask yourself why the punchline always pops up when she calls you out. A sincere apology does more for your relationship than another one‑liner.

Playing the Blame Game

A man with a serious expression points his finger directly at the camera.
©Adi Goldstein/Unsplash.com

Pointing fingers is easy; looking in the mirror is hard. If every problem at work, home, or in your marriage is someone else’s fault, you’re not leading, you’re whining. Constantly casting yourself as the victim forces the people around you to shoulder your emotional load. Have you ever considered that you are the common denominator in all those conflicts? Taking responsibility doesn’t weaken you; it proves you’re capable of growth.

Emotional Unavailability

A man with a beard sits indoors, holding a white mug and looking out a window.
©Curated Lifestyle /Unsplash.com

Pretending feelings don’t exist might feel safe, but it makes you look empty. She notices when you never ask how she’s doing or shut down when things get heavy. Being emotionally distant isn’t stoic; it’s lazy. How can someone connect with you if you never show anything real? Open up a little and see how much stronger your connection becomes.

Pushing Past Boundaries

A woman in bed turns away from a man who is touching her shoulder and smiling at her.
©Getty Images /Unsplash.com

If you think that ignoring her limits is a sign of passion, think again. Crossing physical or emotional boundaries only proves you don’t respect her. A man who won’t take no for an answer isn’t romantic; he’s selfish. Ask yourself why her comfort bothers you so much. Respect builds trust; pressure destroys it.

Never Meeting Up

A woman sits alone at a table, looking at her phone.
©Praveen Gupta/Unsplash.com

Sending witty texts while dodging every chance to meet is a bad look. She knows when you’re all talk and no action. If you’re not ready to actually see her, stop pretending you are. Do you treat meeting her like a chore because you’re hedging your bets? Put your phone down, show up, and find out if there’s something real.

Toxic Communication Habits

A man and woman sit on a sofa, facing away from each other with frustrated expressions.
©Getty Images /Unsplash.com

Communication is more than ghosting her until you get your way. Silent treatment, sarcastic digs, and passive aggression aren’t as clever as you think. They leave her feeling disrespected and confused. When was the last time you said what you meant without drama? Healthy conversation isn’t a game; it’s the foundation of any lasting partnership.

Rolls Eyes at Women’s Stories

A man in a white shirt looks to the side with an annoyed expression.
©Curated Lifestyle /Unsplash.com

Rolling your eyes when she talks about harassment or double standards sends a clear message: you don’t care. Dismissing her experiences won’t make them go away. It’s tempting to write off issues you don’t face, but that laziness costs you respect. What if, instead of defensiveness, you simply listened and learned? Empathy makes you stronger, not weaker.

Temper Tantrums and Rage

A man with a beard and a baseball cap clutches his head and screams.
©Ante Samarzija /Unsplash.com

Flying off the handle doesn’t make you a passionate man; it makes you unpredictable. Yelling, slamming doors, or punching walls puts everyone around you on edge. Anger is a normal emotion, but using it to control a conversation or intimidate your partner is childish. Can you imagine her ever feeling safe when you explode over small things? Learning to manage your temper is a mark of real maturity.

Flaky and Unreliable

A woman with a short haircut sits alone at a coffee table, holding a cup and saucer.
©Dollar Gill/Unsplash.com

If your promises mean nothing, neither will your relationships. Telling her you’ll call and disappearing until next week is more than just bad manners. Being unreliable forces her to constantly guess where she stands with you. How can anyone trust a man who can’t keep his word? Show up when you say you will, and watch how much smoother life gets.

Every Ex Was Crazy

Three men sit at a dark wooden table in a bar or restaurant.
©Taylor Friehl/Unsplash.com

When every ex‑girlfriend is labeled crazy, the common factor isn’t them. Complaining about your past partners while painting yourself as the hero or the victim is lazy storytelling. It screams that you haven’t learned a thing from your own history. Why would she believe she’s any different if you never own your part? Reflecting on past mistakes shows maturity; blaming everyone else shows you’re not ready.

Small Lies and Big Lies

A person sits in a dark room under a blanket, looking at a phone with a glowing screen.
©Dipqi Ghozali/Unsplash.com

Lying about little things turns into lying about big things. Those harmless fibs about where you were or who you saw add up. Each lie chips away at trust until she’s playing detective instead of partner. Ask yourself why honesty feels so risky. It’s easier to remember the truth than juggle a dozen stories.

Too Much Booze or Worse

A man with dark hair looks at the camera while drinking from a glass.
©Brett Wharton/Unsplash.com

Having a drink to relax is one thing; needing a drink to function is another. Regularly overindulging in alcohol, drugs, or gambling doesn’t just harm you—it drags everyone around you into chaos. She isn’t going to save you from your vices, and she shouldn’t have to. Are you hoping she’ll look past the mess because you can’t? Seeking help is courageous; ignoring addiction is cowardice.

Permanent Storm Cloud

A man in a denim jacket holds his hand to his forehead with a frustrated expression.
©Oleksii Berdnikov/Unsplash.com

There’s a difference between being realistic and being a constant downer. If every story you tell involves a villain out to get you, you’re the common link. Negative energy wears people out and leaves no room for joy. Do you want to be the guy who sucks the air out of the room every time he speaks? Choosing to focus on solutions instead of problems makes you much more pleasant to be around.

Money Messes

A man with a beard and glasses sits at a desk, counting money with a laptop in front of him.
©Vitaly Gariev /Unsplash.com

Living paycheck to paycheck because you splurged on a new toy isn’t edgy; it’s irresponsible. Debt without a plan, hidden spending, and expecting her to bail you out show a lack of maturity. Your financial habits reveal your values and your vision for the future. When was the last time you made a budget and stuck to it? Being intentional with money builds trust and stability.

Testing Your Loyalty

A woman sits in bed with a worried expression, looking at her phone. A man is sleeping behind her.
©Getty Images/Unsplash.com

Dropping hints just to see how she’ll react isn’t romantic; it’s manipulative. Creating artificial drama to gauge her commitment is a waste of time. These games only show that you don’t trust her or yourself. How would you feel if she tested you constantly? Genuine connection grows through honesty, not mind games.

No Growth, No Goals

A man lies on his back in bed, using his phone and wearing headphones.
©Getty Images/Unsplash.com

Coasting through life might feel comfortable, but it signals a lack of purpose. A man with no ambition or self‑improvement plan isn’t as carefree as he thinks; he’s stagnant. When you refuse to learn or adapt, you drag your partner down with you. Have you ever asked yourself what you want beyond the next paycheck? Setting goals and working on yourself keep your relationship alive.

Me, Me, Me

A man in a blue shirt with his hands clasped under his chin looks to the side.
©Getty Images/Unsplash.com

If you can’t go five minutes without turning the conversation back to yourself, you’re not confident—you’re insecure. Constantly dominating the room and ignoring her thoughts makes her feel invisible. Real confidence is quiet and generous with attention. Do you know what her dreams are, or are you too busy talking about yours? Listening more than you speak is a sign of genuine strength.

Too Good, Too Fast

A woman holding a bouquet of flowers looks at a person who is giving her a gift box.
©Kateryna Hliznitsova /Unsplash.com

Showering her with gifts, compliments, and promises within days isn’t romance; it’s strategy. Love bombing feels like a whirlwind until the storm hits. After the rush, the controlling behavior and cold shoulder show up, and she wonders what happened. Have you ever noticed how quickly the charm fades once she’s hooked? Slow down and let the relationship build naturally; desperation never ends well.

Jealous Control Freak

A man leans over a woman in bed, looking at her phone.
©Getty Images/Unsplash.com

A little jealousy is human, but obsessively monitoring her every move screams insecurity. Constant questioning, accusations, and demands about who she sees or texts aren’t signs of love. They are attempts to control her world. How would you feel if someone tried to cage you like that? Trusting your partner is a choice you make every day, not something you demand from her.

Mind Games and Guilt Trips

A man in a white shirt with a straight face leans against a wall.
©Natalia Blauth /Unsplash.com

Twisting her words, denying what happened, or telling her she’s too sensitive isn’t just annoying; it’s psychological abuse. Gaslighting makes her question her own reality, and guilt‑tripping convinces her that setting boundaries is selfish. These tactics are meant to control and confuse, and they work until she sees through them. Why would you want to make someone you care about doubt themselves? Speak the truth, respect her feelings, and stop using guilt as a weapon.

Dating & Confidence

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About TMM Staff

The Modest Man staff writers are experts in men's lifestyle who love teaching guys how to live their best lives.

If an article is published under TMM Staff, that means multiple writers worked on it. For example, sometimes several of us have experience with a certain brand, so we collaborate to publish a more thorough review.

Or, if an article was originally written by one person, but then it was updated by someone else, we'll re-publish it under TMM Staff.

Remember: all of our articles (including those below) are written by real people with decades of combined experience in men's fashion and lifestyle topics.

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