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16 Reasons Why Men Hesitate to Date Feminists

Updated on November 4, 2025 by TMM Staff ยท Dating & Confidence

A group of people activists with megaphones protesting on the streets.
ยฉGetty Images/Unsplash.com

It is a fact that modern feminism has altered relationships in novel ways. It has made women more independent, stronger, and expressive about their rights. However, all this progress has got some men silently questioning their place in the new order. Men aren’t opposing equality; rather, they are ambivalent about where they stand.

These men aren’t rejecting feminism. They support women’s rights explicitly. What really disconcerts them is the ambivalence brought upon by the phenomenon concerning notions of love, masculinity, and respect. They wonder about the mode in which they can coexist in a world that is being molded and redefined by feminism. Read on and learn how men feel affected by modern feminism and how this stress is altering the modern dating scene.

Table of Contents

Toggle
  • Men are Afraid of Saying the Wrong Thing
  • The Rules Keep Changing
  • Not Wanting to Appear as the Enemy
  • Feminism MadeTraditional Roles Obsolete
  • No Clear Concept of Equality
  • Fear of Being Misunderstood
  • Masculinity or Toxicity
  • Criticism for Preferring Traditional Dynamics
  • Feeling Unneeded
  • Double Standards Abound
  • Men Miss Simplicity
  • Fearing Rejection for the Wrong Reasons
  • Being Mistaken as Hostile
  • Always Being on Trial
  • Equating Feminism with Loss of Romance
  • Still Learning
  • Final Thoughts

Men are Afraid of Saying the Wrong Thing

A man feeling sad while his wife is crying in anger.
ยฉCurated Lifestyle/Unsplash.com

Men feel like they are walking on eggshells around feminists. They fret that a wrong comment or remark could be construed as a sign of disrespect or ignorance. They might mean well but they fear that their comments may be misread and the receiver may take offense.

The Rules Keep Changing

Anxious wife touching the shoulder of her husband.
ยฉGetty Images/Unsplash.com

What actually makes a good man? The definition of the category keeps changing frequently, and men can’t seem to keep up. One day it is chivalry, while the next it is respecting independence, and so forth. This ambivalence and dubious nature of the rules have made men confused about what women actually want.

Not Wanting to Appear as the Enemy

Men holding a women's equality banner on the road.
ยฉSamantha Sophia/Unsplash.com

There are many men who perceive feminism as the lens via which they are painted as the target or enemy. They feel that they are brought into this category simply because of being male. This opinion causes men to withdraw and go on the defensive instead of being open and forthcoming.

Feminism MadeTraditional Roles Obsolete

A man holding a woman in his arms.
ยฉAhmet Kurt/Unsplash.com

Men feel that the conventional mode of expressing their love via protection, leading, and providing roles has become obsolete with the rise of feminism. They feel like their natural, traditional instincts are being belittled or marginalized by being labeled outdated by modern feminists.

No Clear Concept of Equality

A man and a woman sitting on the ground.
ยฉA. C./Unsplash.com

What is the true definition of equality? That is a question that confounds men in the face of modern feminism’s overreaching influence. Is it splitting the bill? Is it making combined decisions? Is it taking lead? These expectations have become vague, and men are more confused than ever as to how to respond.

Fear of Being Misunderstood

Displeased lady talking with husband while man touching his chin.
ยฉGetty Images/Unsplash.com

No one knows what might set off a modern feminist. A remark meant as a compliment may be perceived as derogatory or inflammatory by these gals. Men shudder at the thought of causing a scene by being misunderstood, so they just don’t indulge anymore. If you are asking as to why flirting, compliments, and chivalry are dying, well, you have feminism to thank for this.

Masculinity or Toxicity

Woman looking at her husbandโ€™s phone.
ยฉGetty Images/Unsplash.com

Modern feminism wants men to be strong yet soft, commanding yet passive. This in itself is a contradictory notion. Men don’t know where they stand on the whole masculinity scale. They are confused as to what constitutes true or moderate masculinity and where the line that crosses into toxic masculinity is located.

Criticism for Preferring Traditional Dynamics

A man standing next to a woman on a beach.
ยฉFilip Rankovic Grobgaard/Unsplash.com

Feminism seeks to criticize and shame men’s propensity towards traditional dynamics of protecting, providing, and taking the lead in relationships. These are seen as indicators of dominance and oppression. Men just don’t have a clue on how to deal with this and just find eschewing modern feminists in dating as the logical path to take.

Feeling Unneeded

A man and a woman.
ยฉmehrab zahedbeigi/Unsplash.com

Modern feminism has made women swallow the notion that they don’t need men. They celebrate their independence and are quite content with being strong, diverse females. Men are increasingly becoming dubious about the roles that they can now occupy in the lives of these modern feminists.

Double Standards Abound

A woman is writing on a sign that says, "Keep your laws out of my body."
ยฉAndrej Liลกakov/Unsplash.com

Women should be treated with empathy, sincerity, and a delicate approach. That is the society’s demand, but it completely overlooks men’s emotional, social, or physical pain. This double standard has also left men cold, and some utterly disillusioned and apathetic towards feminism and women in general.

Men Miss Simplicity

A man and a woman standing next to each other.
ยฉSuhendro Purnomo/Unsplash.com

Dating is now rife with ambiguous rules, unwritten labels, and ideological filters. Men are expected to keep up with these swiftly changing landscapes in dating. Men miss the simpler times, when roles and expectations were clearly defined. They preferred when dating was about finding connection, not political or ideological alignment.

Fearing Rejection for the Wrong Reasons

A man and a woman standing in front of a garage door.
ยฉAlexander Mass/Unsplash.com

The majority of men are perturbed that not being woke enough, or being too conservative or religious, might lead to them being rejected in today’s dating pool. Feminists are wont to dismiss their advances if they don’t evince the requisite level of wokeness. They don’t want to risk being ridiculed or rejected for the wrong reasons.

Being Mistaken as Hostile

A man and a woman standing next to each other.
ยฉLia Bekyan/Unsplash.com

A confident, assertive man rarely approaches a feminist for fear of being labeled a misogynist or hostile. This usually occurs when communication gets distorted, and it is the flawed prejudice of the feminists that makes it so.

Always Being on Trial

A man standing next to a woman on a sidewalk.
ยฉThe Jopwell Collection/Unsplash.com

Going on a date with a feminist is akin to perpetually being placed under a microscope. A man feels like he’s standing on trial, where his every comment, opinion, and remark is dissected. He spends the entirety of the date trying to prove that he’s not a misogynist or sexist. This tends to get exhausting pretty fast.

Equating Feminism with Loss of Romance

A couple having a conflict and arguing in the bedroom.
ยฉGetty Images/Unsplash.com

Many men believe that feminism causes women to lose what it means to love and be loved. Romance leaves their system, and they become stoic, stone-faced women who can’t bear to look at a man for long. Now, this might seem far-fetched, but you can’t argue that the actions of some fervent feminists have played a pivotal role in cementing this perception amongst men.

Still Learning

ยฉCollins Lesulie/Unsplash.com

Feminism and men have a complicated relationship. Men are still undergoing the process of acclimating themselves to the changing trends and learning more about what it constitutes. Men admire and respect strong, independent women. They just have to learn more about the entire concept, and only time will bring true adjustment.

Final Thoughts

A sad man and a woman looking at the window.
ยฉSoroush Karimi/Unsplash.com

Men don’t hate feminism or feminists; they are simply confused about what to do. It does the feminists no favor that their own actions have served to exacerbate the condition. There needs to be focused and potent execution of dedicated efforts from both sides to ameliorate the issue. Otherwise, the divide and resentment between men and feminists will only continue to widen.

Dating & Confidence

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About TMM Staff

The Modest Man staff writers are experts in men's lifestyle who love teaching guys how to live their best lives.

If an article is published under TMM Staff, that means multiple writers worked on it. For example, sometimes several of us have experience with a certain brand, so we collaborate to publish a more thorough review.

Or, if an article was originally written by one person, but then it was updated by someone else, we'll re-publish it under TMM Staff.

Remember: all of our articles (including those below) are written by real people with decades of combined experience in men's fashion and lifestyle topics.

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