Wouldn’t it be nice if we never had to go through tough times? Maybe our relationships would be much less stressful, more spontaneous, and dare we say, easier to manage.
But real life doesn’t work that way. Loved ones die, we lose our jobs, maybe we might even suffer an illness we didn’t see coming. If you’re lucky enough to be in a committed relationship with someone you love, that connection will be tested–and it’s in those tests where love either gets deeper, or quietly starts to break.
Here are 15 practical, no-nonsense ways to be a better partner to your spouse or significant other when they’re going through an overwhelming situation or difficulty.
1. Be Present
The last thing your partner needs is to be alone. You don’t need to constantly be where they are, but they do need to know that they’re not alone in this. That could mean sitting beside them while they cry or simply being in the next room so they don’t feel like they’re unraveling by themselves. Presence is quiet, steady, and unflashy, but it matters more than you think.
2. Listen Well
Another simple way to be a better partner during difficult times is by listening to them well. Here are some quick tips on active listening: Don’t interrupt, don’t rush to respond, and don’t judge. Just nod. Hold their hand. Let them speak, even if they’re not making sense. Even if they’re quiet. Listening is about giving space, not just hearing words.
3. Stay Attuned to Their Needs
If you’ve been with your partner for a long time, you might already have some form of shorthand–those small tells that something’s off. Pay attention to those. Maybe they cancel plans more often, eat less, or avoid eye contact. These are signs. It’s your job to notice the things they can’t say out loud yet, and to adjust accordingly.
4. Be a Co-Regulator
Being a co-regulator is simply being the kind of person who helps regulate their nervous system, especially when their emotions are heightened. Think soft tones, calm energy, fewer sudden movements–maybe helping them do some breathing exercises. You don’t need to “fix” anything–just sit with them in their chaos so they feel safe enough to come down from it. You can be their calm anchor in the middle of the storm.
5. Be Their Steady Routine
When it rains, it pours, and more often than not when people are going through very difficult times, they constantly have to put out fires. Unexpected things might also happen from all angles. Be the routine they don’t have to think about. Be the morning coffee, the person who reminds them to eat, the reason they shower that day. Predictability can be a form of love.
6. Let Them Vent Without Fixing
This may be hard, but hear us out: Allow them to talk and share without feeling like you have to offer advice or solutions. Not everything needs to be solved right away, or at all–some things just need to be witnessed. They’ll ask for help if they want it. For now, just let them get it out without the fear of being shut down or redirected.
7. Offer Practical Help
On the other hand, if they already mentioned needing help with specific things, offer to help even before they ask for it. Pick up the dry cleaning. Book the appointment. Drop off dinner. Put the kids to bed. Feed the dogs. Emotional support is important, but in crisis mode, practical support can go a long way. It makes life feel a little less impossible to manage.
8. Share the Mental and Emotional Load
When people are going through tough times, they might often feel like they have no one to share the invisible weight with. Help them carry it. Be the one to plan things, follow up with people, or remember details so they don’t have to. Carrying the emotional load doesn’t just mean caring–it means acting like you do.
9. Don’t Take Things Personally
What you need to anticipate is that your partner might snap at some point, and if they feel truly safe with you, they might not feel the need to hide how they’re truly feeling. Be ready. It’s not about you, and they’re not angry at you–it’s about what they’re carrying. Your job is to be the safe space, not the spark that turns pain into a fight.
10. Stick It Out for the Long Haul
It may be tempting to have one foot out the door, but commitment during chaos is what separates surface-level love from the kind that actually builds something. Don’t be flaky when they need you to be solid. They don’t need promises of forever. They just need to know you’ll still be here tomorrow.
11. Respect Their Coping Style
One of the most important things you can do is to understand and respect the way they cope. Whether it’s them finding comfort in food or defaulting to workaholism, you need to know that it’s a survival response. Of course, when the coping mechanism becomes harmful for them, then yes, step in gently. But don’t force them to process things your way. Be tentative, and work with them at their own pace.
12. Know When to Step Back
Becoming a green flag partner means knowing when to give space and respecting boundaries, both spoken and unspoken. Some people need silence to recharge, others need to cry it out alone before they’re ready to open up. Don’t confuse silence with distance. Trust your partner enough to step back without disappearing. If you’re not sure what they need at the moment–some space or your presence–ask. They will appreciate it.
13. Check In Without Hovering
You don’t need to be on the phone with them 24/7 if you’re not together, and you don’t need to constantly ask, “Are you okay?” Instead, check in with small gestures–send a playlist or a meme you know will make them laugh, leave a sweet note, ask them how their day is going without making it a heavy conversation. Keep the line open, not overwhelming.
14. Encourage With Your Words
If words of affirmation have never been your love language, now is the time to learn how. This doesn’t mean lying to your partner or telling them it will be okay when you don’t know that, but it does mean reminding them that they’re strong, loved, and not alone. Sometimes “I believe in you” is more powerful than “It’ll be fine.”
15. Take Care of Yourself Too
And last but perhaps one of the most crucial, don’t lose yourself while trying to hold them together. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Rest, eat well, talk to your own support system. The best thing you can do for your partner is to stay steady–and that means staying well yourself, too. As their partner, you’re also a necessary part of the equation and can mean the difference between healing and escalating.
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