We live in a time of so many distractions. We wake up, and we’re tempted to reach for our phone instead of kissing our partner good morning. We go to bed, and we still might opt for a Netflix binge instead of having a heart-to-heart conversation with the person who shares our bed.
If 2025 is the year you want to create a deeper level of intimacy with your partner or spouse, here are 15 ways you can try–and not just inside the bedroom.
Don’t Hold Back on Compliments
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been with your partner; compliments and words of affirmation are still a must. Even something as simple as, “Thank you for cooking dinner honey,” or “You look so lovely in that dress” can make a world of difference in your relationship.
Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable
One of the biggest killers of trust is a man who refuses to let his guard down. When you act like everything is fine–even when it’s not–you keep your partner at a distance. Vulnerability isn’t weakness; it’s honesty. It’s saying, “I’m scared,” or “I feel like I’m failing,” and trusting your partner to hold that without judgment. You don’t have to bleed out every emotion, but you do have to be real. Emotional intimacy starts where performance ends.
Build Love Maps
This is a key tip from The Gottman Institute: Build love maps so you never lose each other. So what exactly are love maps? To build love maps is simply to mak the effort to know the little things about your partner’s life. Here are some sample questions for your love maps:
- How does your partner prefer to unwind or feel comforted?
- Can you describe in detail what your partner did yesterday or earlier today?
- What’s one hobby your partner enjoys?
- What kind of job would be a perfect fit for your partner?
- What outfit was your partner wearing the first time you met them?
- Who are your partner’s two best friends?
- What situation or issue is currently causing your partner stress?
- What is one of your partner’s most feared scenarios or biggest worries?
- What health concerns does your partner often think about?
- What’s your partner’s biggest unfulfilled dream?
- Is there someone your partner really doesn’t get along with?
- How do you most enjoy spending an evening?
Establish a Foundation of Trust
Trust is the cornerstone of every successful relationship, not just romantic ones. But in a partnership, it becomes even more crucial because without it, love starts to feel unsafe. Trust doesn’t just mean “I won’t cheat.” It also says, “I’ve got your back when you’re not in the room.” It means following through on the little things. It means not weaponizing your partner’s past. Emotional intimacy grows in the soil of consistency. Without it, nothing can take root.
Do Daily Check-Ins
No matter how busy the two of you are, it’s always important to check in with each other every once in a while. If spontaneity is not something that guarantees consistency for both of you, you can schedule at least 10 to 15 minutes of time per day just checking in with one another. And no, it doesn’t have to be some deep, candlelit moment. Just ask, “How are you feeling today?” or “Is there anything on your mind?” or “How did your management meeting go?” It’s a small ritual that says you’re present and that you’re paying attention.
Don’t Neglect Quality Time
Do not underestimate the power of quality time to help you and your partner build the kind of intimacy you’re hoping for. It’s easy to fall into the trap of coexisting: Watching shows on separate screens, sitting in the same room but not really connecting. Quality time doesn’t mean quantity time. It means presence. A walk. A shared meal without distractions. A genuine laugh. These are the moments that stitch you together, day by day.
Know Each Other’s Love Languages
Love languages have received some level of scrutiny over the past years, but the principles still hold some value. To you, love may be washing the dishes or driving your partner to work, but it may not necessarily be the type of affection your partner is looking for. Maybe they need words of affirmation. Maybe they need a hug in the middle of a busy work day. The point is: You’re not loving them the way you want to be loved. You’re loving them the way they need to be loved. That’s the difference.
Be Clear About Boundaries and Desires
If you truly want to create safety in your relationship, then being clear about your boundaries is essential. Don’t wait until a line is crossed to bring it up. Say it now. Be honest about what you need emotionally, physically, even spiritually. At the same time, speak openly about your desires–what makes you come alive, what brings you closer. Clarity breeds safety, while ambiguity breeds resentment. Speak up, because your partner isn’t a mind reader. And listen to her when she sets her boundaries, too.
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!
It doesn’t matter how emotionally attuned or mature you are if you cannot communicate effectively with your partner. Who cares if you know why you’re in a bad mood if you can’t tell your partner why? This is why communication is the lifeblood of emotional intimacy. It’s not just about speaking; it’s about being understood. Practice naming your emotions clearly and calmly. Invite your partner into your inner world. Speak your truth, even when it’s messy.
Try New Things Together
Much has been said about the seven-year itch, and for good reason. So many couples, once they hit many years together, end up being so comfortable that they neglect trying novel things or being adventurous. It doesn’t have to be skydiving. A new recipe. A dance class. Volunteering. The point is to keep growing together, not just side-by-side. Shared novelty creates new neural links and a fresh emotional connection.
Foster Physical and Emotional Safety
If you truly want to build emotional intimacy in your romantic relationship, then safety is paramount. How would your partner be ready to bare the deepest part of their soul if they’re not assured that it won’t be used against them? Fostering emotional and physical safety means creating an atmosphere where vulnerability is met with softness. Where feedback doesn’t feel like an attack, silence isn’t weaponized, and anger isn’t feared.
Celebrate Big and Small Wins
There is a silent relationship killer that not a lot of people talk about, and that is competition. When couples become scorekeepers or rivals, emotional intimacy suffers. Instead, become each other’s biggest cheerleader. Got a raise? Celebrate. Finally cleaned the garage? Celebrate. Acknowledging wins, big or small, creates a sense of shared momentum. It tells your partner: “I see you. I’m proud of you. I’m in your corner.”
Show Appreciation
If your partner has been carrying so much weight in the relationship, whether it’s the financial aspect, or taking care of the kids, or running the household, it’s of utmost importance to acknowledge that labor. Appreciation is not a luxury–it’s emotional oxygen. Say thank you. Say it often. Say it when it’s expected, and say it when it’s not. Gratitude is the glue of long-term connection.
Speak the Truth In Love
Truth without kindness can be violent. It doesn’t matter how right you think your point is, if you communicate it without kindness, it will land like a dagger. And no one opens their heart to someone who makes them feel small. Speak your truth, yes, but wrap it in grace. Tone matters. Timing matters. Intent matters. The goal is connection, not correction.
Listen Actively
And last but not least, don’t forget to listen to your partner. Sometimes, what they need is your presence and not necessarily your solutions. Here are some tips for active listening that your partner will surely appreciate:
- Put your phone down.
- Make eye contact.
- Don’t interrupt.
- Reflect on what they’re saying before responding.
- Nod from time to time so they know you’re listening.
Listening like this says, “You matter to me.” And that, more than any grand gesture, builds intimacy that lasts.
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