When you see couples as a psychologist, you notice that most of the couples who have deep-seated resentment and unresolvable issues that become the cause of divorce are not fighting over small, trivial matters as they may seem to be. There are issues and years of not being seen, heard, and understood, emotions that have piled up to reach a point where the couple can no longer hold it together. Read on and we will explore 15 reasons why couples fight, starting with reason number 1 being most likely to lead to separation if left unaddressed.
Scope & Meaning of Commitment
Divorce does not happen in a day or two; rather, it happens after a series of frequent conflicts that keep arising without getting attention and full-time resolution. A partner may see living together as enough to prove commitment to their spouse, while the other may be fully emotionally and physically invested in the relationship and see this as the true sign of seriousness. This mismatch in perspective becomes a leading cause of divorce among couples.
Financial Stress and Values
Many couples are actually very compatible and a match made in heaven, but financial circumstances and pressure lead them to become bitter and resentful of each other. They may start despising each other for having different spending habits, one being frugal while the other being recklessly extravagant. The frugal partner who craves security and stability may disagree at first with the hope of change in their partnerโs behavior. But when things donโt change, they may eventually choose to separate from such an emotionally draining relationship.
Division of Domestic Labor
This point is particularly true for women who are bound in marriage with men who stick to the traditional gender roles society assigns to males. He may be earning, but if he never contributes to household chores or childcare, putting all the burden on his wife, this may eventually make her emotionally and physically drained to the point where she sees no reason to stay in a marriage that feels like singlehood.
Emotional Disconnection
The glue that holds a marriage together is a strong emotional connection. When differences arise and are brushed under the rug instead of being resolved respectfully, it chips away at the emotional bond. Over time, both partners grow distant, which may eventually lead to divorce.
Differing Life Goals
Most couples enter marriage with a shared vision for life and the future. As time goes on and the couple evolves, so does their perspective on life. They may choose starkly different goals and interests. This drifting apart takes away the sense of shared purpose and unity, and such a bond canโt stand the test of time and ultimately ends in failure.
Intimacy Decline
With a fading emotional connection, brewing resentment, and differing life goals, the romantic relationship also declines. The partners may feel more like roommates living together for the sake of children or security rather than two people who were once madly in love. The romance is now replaced by an eerie silence in the bedroom as they both scroll through their phones before falling asleep.
Power and Control Dynamics
If a partner tries to control every action and movement of the other, they strip them of their sense of autonomy and individuality. This creates anger in their hearts, and when they reach a certain threshold, they can take it no longer and decide to break away from a marriage that felt more like a dictatorship.
Hidden Expectations
Every relationship founded on love initially needs the fuel of reciprocity to keep thriving. Love is a two-way street; the way you give love, you must expect to receive it back. When a marriage becomes one-sided, with only one partner making all the effort while the other makes them feel invisible, the partner who feels unseen and unappreciated may reach emotional breakdown. When their basic need for appreciation is unmet, they may swallow the bitter pill and seek divorce from a marriage that is doing more harm than good to protect their sanity.
Parenting and Child-Related Stress
How the load of parenting is shared, the financial challenges in childrenโs education, or even differing parenting styles between partners can spiral into full-blown fights. When such a couple fails to reach a middle ground, the daily battles continue unabated, and eventually, divorce ensues.
External Stress Spillover
Sometimes, the reasons that lead to a divorce are not even remotely connected to the two partners in the marriage. External influences such as unnecessary extended family interference, career or job stress, or health issues sometimes become the factors responsible for the collapse of a marriage.
Communication Breakdowns
If communication is poor, for instance, one partner wants to talk things out to feel heard and seen, while the other uses silent treatment as a weapon to show their discontent; such miscommunication or differences in conflict-resolution patterns may lead to escalation rather than healing.
Loss of Individual Identity
If a partner in a marriage decides to be the martyr or is forced to give up parts of themselves to appease their spouse, they may eventually collapse under the weight of compromises. A sense of self, individuality, and personal growth are essential for mutual growth as a couple. When this element is lacking in a marriage, it is doomed to fail.
Unresolved Past Issues
When two unhealed people keep moving forward without giving proper closure to old wounds and conflicts, it opens the door to many new ones. These unhealed issues resurface, reviving past traumas and resentment. The inability to heal from past issues becomes a major reason for divorce among a lot of couples.
Lack of Shared Vision
For a couple to thrive, the partners must have a shared vision of the future together. If one partner stands still while the other actively works on growth and success, theyโre not just moving in different directions; theyโre unknowingly moving towards divorce.
Repeated Patterns With No Change
A couple that truly wants to stay together is never resistant to change or adjustment. If the same old patterns and fights keep emerging, and one or both partners make no attempt to amend their ways, there is little chance of saving that marriage, and divorce is inevitable.
Final Thoughts
In the end, it would not be wrong to say there is no such thing as a perfect couple or marriage. All marriages and all couples go through their fair share of disagreements and conflicts. However, what sets a successful couple apart from one that ends in divorce is how they decide to deal with the underlying issues and whether or not they see each other as a team.
When two people commit to staying together through thick and thin, they can overcome any challenge that comes their way and rescue their relationship.
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