At 40-Something and Suddenly Divorced? These 16 Reasons Explain What Really Happened

The news of divorce hits men in their 40s like a bus. It is one thing to know about divorce but to actually see it as a manifestation out of the blue is an appalling phenomenon for these men. It feels like the end of the world for them when their partner announces quietly that it’s over. The years spent together, building a life and home, are reduced to nothingness in an instant. While men in their 40s are shocked and even embittered in the beginning, with time they begin to reflect. They begin to see their part in the broken marriage and learn to take accountability. Read on and learn more about the reasons why men in their 40s come to terms when their wives leave them suddenly.

She Felt Unseen

Husbands begin to remember that they made their wives feel invisible. They didn’t notice her, value her, or even praise her for her efforts. They realize that they may have been physically present but emotionally absent from the relationship.

Communication Became Transactional

Marriage is more than discussions about bills, routines, grocery shopping, and so on. It is about learning to share and communicate with your spouse. It is about sharing your desires, ambitions, and fears, having a laugh, and generally finding comfort in the other person’s words. Wives usually leave their husbands when the trajectory of their communication shifts to schedule and routine management. 

Taking Stability for Granted

Husbands begin to take their marriage and its stability for granted as time goes by. They begin to buy into the fact that everything will proceed per schedule and routine. They never wonder or fret about any chaos erupting in their midst. However, they begin to ignore their wives’ silence until it is too late. 

Not Noting When Her Emotional Needs Change

Wives can evolve over time as people. Their emotional needs and demands change accordingly and men can’t seem to notice or simply ignore them. They are always relating her to the version they married and assume that she will stay the same. But that isn’t a given and women start to feel belittled when their emotional desires aren’t fulfilled. 

She Ends Up Carrying the Emotional Load

Wives bear all the emotional load in the relationship. This includes planning birthdays, remembering important dates, taking care of family events, managing grocery trips, planning doctor visits, and much more. This emotional load leads to burnout eventually, and wives end up leaving their husbands, who have been oblivious to their plight.

Conflating Providing with Loving

Men are supposed to be providers; it is a role that they have been assigned since time immemorial. However, this doesn’t mean that they should confuse it with love. Love is caring for your partner, treating them with affection, and lending them a shoulder to lean on when things get tough. It is more than just providing materialistically but emotionally as well. By the time men in their 40s realize this, their wives have already left due to emotional starvation. 

Not Having Fun Together

Somewhere along the line, husbands and wives stop having fun together. They don’t laugh, crack jokes, or tease each other anymore. Men have their careers, side projects, and friends to deal with. This reduces them to mere co-parents in the marriage who are only there for their part of the responsibilities. The cohesion that laughter brought into the marriage vanishes and with it the wife’s resolve to stick around any further.

Being the Mother Figure

Sure, a wife is supposed to be the mom, looking after kids and tending to their needs, but this maternal side extends to their husbands as well. Doing his laundry, cooking meals, taking care of his needs, finding his shoes, and completing all other household tasks. This exhausts a woman mentally, as she is supposed to be a wife, not a mother. 

Not Feeling Desired Anymore

Wives want attention, passion, and to be preferred and chosen above all by their husbands. The latter forget to regard their wives with desire and attention anymore in their 40s and this makes them feel uncomfortable and forgotten. 

Avoiding Difficult Conversations

Husbands tend to ignore and dismiss the harder conversations as the marriage grows older. They trivialize their wives’ resentment or discontent over financial, emotional, and domestic issues. They prefer to remain silent rather than treat their wives’ concerns. This silence damages their marriage far more egregiously than shouting ever could. 

Women tend to leave a man when their growing speeds begin to differ. A woman might start seeking a more profound purpose in life. She might start reading books, going to therapy, and ruminating. On the other hand, their husbands will choose to remain focused only on work and the daily grind. These contrasting attitudes damage their relationship till the woman leaves it altogether.

Women who feel lonely, even when their husband is lying next to them in the bed, are more likely to leave their marriage. They might be near but be living in totally separate emotional worlds. This loneliness is excruciating and leaves the wife feeling rejected and extremely dissatisfied.

Missing Subtle Warnings

It is a sign that a woman has withdrawn from a marriage when she stops arguing. It isn’t a move for finding peace or settling down. It is an indicator that the woman has had enough when her thoughts and warnings are ignored. She is ready to leave now because, in her mind, the attraction and cohesion are long gone from the marriage. 

Her love can survive even the most difficult of times, but a woman simply can’t tolerate neglect. She gives respect when she remains noticed and valued. However, once neglect sets in, she starts pulling away and losing respect for her husband. Once the respect is gone, so is her reason for sticking around.

 She Wasn’t Cherished

Women want to be seen as more than their traditional roles of mother, wife, or partner. She wants to be cherished, to be reminded that she is special, and to know how lucky the husband is to have found her and made her a part of his life. This makes the marriage vibrant and beautiful, but sadly it all crumbles when husbands forget or choose not to cherish their wives.

The Signs Were Always There

Wives don’t leave or divorce their husbands suddenly; rather, it is the culmination of many years and subtle warnings. Men just choose to ignore them until the final act of their marriage is upon them. They had the chance to eschew this unpleasant development but they chose to remain ignorant. 

Final Thoughts

Men in their 40s may find it easy to lay the blame entirely on their wives for walking away. But they should know that they had a lot to do with it as well. Men should mend their ways well in time so that they can repair their marriage and ensure its longevity. After all, what is more precious than the love and connection between a husband and wife?