There is no sane person on the face of this earth who would be genuinely willing to be someone’s backup plan. But as fates would have it, sometimes one ends up becoming just that, not because they were planning on it but because even they were unaware of how it happened. The process is quite subtle, almost imperceptible, and it leads one down the confusing path where everything feels wrong and virtually topsy-turvy. The hardest part about it is that you actually feel loved at certain times, but not enough to make you feel comfortable or secure. Read on and learn about the signs that show when you have been made someone’s backup plan right here.
They Only Show Up When It is Convenient
Whatever plans that end up being made are focused around their own schedule, their disposition, and their availability, not yours. This shows that they are only willing to give you the time of the day when it is expedient for them, showing a lack of mutual effort in your relationship.
Communication is Inconsistent
Communication is erratic when it comes to the relationship. They will be engaged on certain days but will be emotionally absent on others. This capricious behavior will leave you confused and ambivalent about where you actually stand in the relationship, showing that you aren’t the first choice.
You are Not Part of Their Future Plans
Whenever there is any mention of the future, they conveniently forget to include you in them. They keep their long-term intentions under wraps and purposely keep things vague whenever you broach the subject of the future.
You Feel Like an Option, Not a Priority
You can bet that they will only include you in their programs when it is convenient for them, not as a priority, but as an afterthought. They only deigned to include you in their programs because there was no one else available, not because they genuinely wanted you to be there.
They Keep You at an Emotional Distance
The thing about people who treat you as a backup plan is that they endeavor to keep you at arm’s length when it comes to emotional connection. They will only share just enough tidbits of information to keep you baited, but never enough to truly include you or let you into their world.
Plans are Often Last-Minute
They will call you out of nowhere, usually at the last minute, and will tell you, instead of requesting, to get in on their plans. This shows that you aren’t scheduled or prioritized in their life; they just consider you a filler of sorts, one who can be squeezed into the gaps when other viable or preferred options aren’t available.
They Avoid Labels
When it comes to defining the relationship that exists between them and you, you will always find them reticent and increasingly hesitant to give it any palpable or defining labels. They will dodge, to the best of their ability, any conversations or mentions regarding this aspect.
You Do Most of the Initiating
When it comes to making plans and initiating them, you usually find yourself as the one carrying all the burden. You are the one who initiates all the plans, texts them, makes the pertinent calls, chooses the venue, foots the bill, and so on. Everything seems to fall onto you, exposing the gaping imbalance in your relationship.
You Have Never Fully Met Their World
You have no idea who their close friends are, who is in their family, or what aspects of their life they consider important and irrefutable. All of these vital details are kept deliberately out of your reach by them.
They Reappear After Pulling Away
You can bet on them reappearing in your life just when you resolve to pull away from them and move on with your life. It is as if they can sense your thoughts, your inclination to move away, causing them to return into your life immediately and reset this cycle of confusion.
You Feel Uncertain More Than Secure
The relationship never feels secure or certain in terms of intention. There is no clarity, just confusion, which tends to leave you feeling like you are standing on a vacillating ground. Such uncertainty is a sign that you are being treated as an afterthought, not a priority, by them.
Your Needs Feel Like an Inconvenience
Whenever you ask them for anything, be it more attention, respect, consistency, or effort, then they dismiss your needs or treat them like a huge inconvenience, calling you “delicate,” “too demanding,” or even “too much.” They force you to cease your demands by denigrating you and making you feel as if you are asking for too much from them.
They Keep Their Options Open
Another sign that they aren’t fully committed to you is when they strive to keep their options open. They do it both subtly and openly, even letting you know sometimes that you aren’t the only fish in the sea for them.
You Hold Onto Their Potential, Not Their Reality
If you contemplate enough, you might just come to realize that you are actually invested in who they can become with you by their side, not who they actually are. You aren’t looking at how they are treating you in the moment; rather, you are looking towards a possible future where things can work out in your favor.
Deep Down, You Feel It
There is a silent, yet profound, truth that you keep neglecting and outright ignoring when it comes to them; it is the eminent and glaring reality that you are not their first choice and probably never will be.
Final Thoughts
It says a lot about you and the person who chooses you as their backup option. Regarding you, it shows that you are a person who is deluded enough to latch onto someone who wouldn’t give you the time of day unless it suited or convenience them. On the other hand, the one who treats you in this manner is someone who can’t commit fully and is perhaps a maliciously reprehensible person. You would be better off without them and should move on with your life.
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