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15 Things People Do When They Want You to See the Real Them

Updated on June 5, 2026 by TMM Staff · Dating & Confidence

A man standing next to a woman in a room who has her hand placed on his chest.
©A. C./Unsplash.com

Even in today’s bleak and utterly pretentious world where appearances are valued above everything else, someone who chooses to be sincere and open with you stands out effortlessly. Letting someone know the authentic and unfiltered version of yourself, one bereft of filters, doesn’t happen immediately or loudly. Rather, a person manages to show their real and genuine self through subtle and quiet ways. When someone chooses to drop their defenses around you, it means that they feel safe around you and want to be liked by you for who they are really, devoid of any pretenses or affectations. Read on and learn about the ways people try to show their genuine self right here.

They Stop Performing

A man and woman are sitting silently across from each other at a sunlit wooden table, both looking down.
©Getty Images/Unsplash.com

When someone wants to show you their genuine self, they stop trying to perform in any capacity to impress you. They don’t pad their stories; they don’t overly curate themselves and present you their genuine, sincere, and unshielded versions of themselves, even if they aren’t too flattering.

They Admit Their Flaws

A distraught woman stands in the foreground with her hand on her forehead, while a man sits looking upset at a table in the blurred background.
©Alex Green/Pexels.com

Someone who wants to be real with you will never hide their flaws. In fact, they will openly show and share them with you. They want to establish something real, strong, and dynamic with you, which demands that they be open, honest, and candid. Showing you their flaws and quirks is just a step in the right direction for them in this regard.

They Share Unfinished Thoughts

A couple holding hands walks away from the camera through an outdoor market.
©Ernest Ojeh/Unsplash.com

Not everything in their minds is perfect. They too have thoughts that they haven’t completely linked to their intended ends and are still suspended in disarray. It causes them to stumble over their words as these thoughts stumble into each other, making their communication seem incomplete and disjointed. They are thinking out loud instead of rehearsing the words in their minds, and that is a sign that they are trying to be open and honest with you.

They Let You See Their Bad Days

A man and a woman arguing while sitting on a couch.
©Getty Images/Unsplash.com

They don’t just show up when things are going well for them or when they are only feeling confident and happy around you. They also don’t shy away from showing you when they are at their lowest, when they are stressed, frustrated, and completely vulnerable. They don’t try to hide these feelings from you, showing that they want to share everything with you, the good and the bad.

They Open Up About Their Past

A couple sitting on a ledge watching the sunset together.
©Khamkeo/unsplash.com

They start sharing stories of significance from their past, the ones that molded them into the person they are, with you. These include their childhood experiences, exes, the mistakes they made, and everything else that they consider worthy of sharing. They don’t try to embellish or alter past details to make them look better in your eyes.

They Drop the Need to Always Be “Strong”

A woman hugging a man from behind.
©Andrej Lisakov/Unsplash.com

They might be the strongest, most resilient person you know, but around you, they let the mask slip. No longer do they cling to upholding the appearance of one endowed with profound fortitude and strength and let themselves be vulnerable in front of you. They allow themselves to appear confused, tired, emotional, and even lost in front of you. They want to be honest with you, and that entails dropping the tough guy routine as well.

They Express Opinions Freely

A man sitting in a chair talking to a woman.
©Nappy/Unsplash.com

Even when their opinions, views, and perspectives differ from yours, they don’t avoid speaking honestly and openly about it with you. They aren’t interested in tacitly agreeing with everything you say just to get you to like them. They want to be respected and accepted for their respective mindset and perspectives by you.

They Show Their Weird Side

A man driving while quarreling with a woman in the car.
©Getty Images/Unsplash.com

They have certain quirks and odd propensities and are prone to cracking jokes at times. They usually try to hide them, but they don’t do that with you. They let you in on their weird side, and that shows just how comfortable they feel around you.

They Ask Deeper Questions        

A man holding the arm of his wife while apologizing after a fight.
©Gabriel Ponton/Unsplash.com

Another sign of them wanting to invest profoundly in your life is that they start initiating deeper conversations with you. They ask perspicuous questions about you, your values, fears, aspirations, and everything else that is important to you. They do this because they want to share in your inner world by creating palpable compatibility with you.

They Stop Over-Editing Their Communication        

A man holding a smiling woman’s cheek.
©Hoi An Photographer/unsplash.com

They start texting more naturally and honestly. The same goes for the conversations that they have with you, with them becoming less calculated and rehearsed as time goes on. There won’t be long pauses where they muster over what they should say, and instead, they will give you more organic and spontaneous answers.

They Let Silence Happen

A man is standing in front of a bright window, smoking a cigarette, while a woman sits at a table in the blurred foreground.
©cottonbro studio/Pexels.com

When someone truly wants to connect with you and disclose their true personality with you, they will stop trying to fill every moment they have with you with unnecessary discussions. Sometimes, they will let the silence linger because they will derive comfort from it with you by their side. It also accords them the conducive environment that they need to unwind and be totally authentic around you.

They Reveal What They Fear

A couple with closed eyes touching foreheads and having a tender moment.
©Curated Lifestyle/unsplash.com

They let you in on their inner world and all that it comprises, such as their deepest fears, the ones they don’t confide in anyone about. But they make an exception for you and let you in on the secret about what thoughts, things, and scenarios terrify them the most. It shows that they trust you immensely to be willing to go to such depths while showing vulnerability to you.

They Apologize Sincerely

A young woman is feeling sad while her boyfriend is embracing her.
©Getty Images/Unsplash.com

They instantly take responsibility when they feel like they have wronged you somehow or committed a mistake that has hurt you. Real accountability appears only when someone considers you an irreplaceable part of their life and wants to show you who they really are.

They Show Consistency

A couple sitting on a bench in front of vegetation and looking serious.
©Brooke Balentine/unsplash.com

They develop a consistent and uniform approach in everything they do concerning you. They strive diligently to ensure that they bring alignment between their words and actions. They also act in the same considerate manner in their private moments as they do in public.

They Let You See Them Without a Filter

A woman looking at her husband who is being angry.
©Fotos/Unsplash.com

They have no emotional armor, no constant defenses are erected, and no compunctions are permeating the moments when you are together with them. They let you see them without any filters and give you their complete and undivided attention. They don’t try to control how you perceive them anymore.

Final Thoughts

A woman looking at her boyfriend while they are having wine together.
©Edu Bastidas/Unsplash.com

It isn’t an accident when someone lets you see their real and authentic self; it is deliberate and intentional. It shows that a person has decided that you are reliable and precious enough to risk being completely open and honest with you. That kind of openness is rare indeed and only shows up when a person wants to establish a strong, profound, and long-lasting relationship with someone else.

Dating & Confidence

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About TMM Staff

The Modest Man staff writers are experts in men's lifestyle who love teaching guys how to live their best lives.

If an article is published under TMM Staff, that means multiple writers worked on it. For example, sometimes several of us have experience with a certain brand, so we collaborate to publish a more thorough review.

Or, if an article was originally written by one person, but then it was updated by someone else, we'll re-publish it under TMM Staff.

Remember: all of our articles (including those below) are written by real people with decades of combined experience in men's fashion and lifestyle topics.

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