In the days of yore, lovers used to pen down their feelings for each other once in a while. The duration between the correspondence kept them hooked, in anticipation of the response of their beloved. The modern-day relationships too seem to thrive on correspondence but with a twist: the pen and paper have been replaced by phones and the frequency and speed of interactions have increased manifold. This allows people to fall in and out of love at a much quicker rate too. In a way, the role of texting in getting a deeper understanding of your potential partner’s personality before you seek a serious long-term commitment is indispensable. This article highlights the various emotionally abusive patterns you may observe in your partner’s texts, like feeling emotionally exhausted after every conversation or guilty or confused if they possess narcissistic traits and how not to fall for them.
They Constantly Redirect Conversations to Themselves
They are simply obsessed with themselves. No matter where the discussion is headed, they will ensure every discussion starts and ends with them as the center of discussion. Their achievements, their career success, their aesthetics, their opinions, and their problem-solving are the only topics they discuss with interest.
They Expect Immediate Replies
They manifest glaring double standards. They have one set of rules for themselves and another set of rules that apply to you alone. If they burst out when you respond with delay to their calls or texts, it’s a clear red flag that you must not ignore.
They Use Guilt-Tripping Messages
They won’t engage in a healthy conflict resolution conversation. Instead of gently approaching the point of contention, they gaslight you to make you feel guilty for your very justified response to their hurtful action. For example, you may attend your best friend’s birthday while they want you around and end up receiving threats to induce guilt in your mind for upsetting their mood, as they will tell you, “I feel you don’t care about me” or “I feel your friends are above me or our relationship.” ”.
Their Texting Style Is Hot and Cold
One moment they are the most cheerful version of themselves, sending love-filled messages; the next moment they disappear without any reason. With this inconsistency, they just want to keep you on edge and anxious but just enough attached for you to not walk away.
They Frequently Give the Silent Treatment
Stonewalling and silent treatment are their favorite weapons of emotional abuse. They will manipulate you into believing the silence is your fault or you are the problem in every conflict. You may keep waiting for their text for days while your emotional health suffers because of the uncertainty and confusion. The truth is they just want to control how you act or what you say. Narcissists want to have their own way with everything; one slip and you are gone. They will ghost you like you never existed.
They Send Overly Flattering Messages at First
A classic texting tactic of narcissists is to attract their victim with their charm in the start. They will send the most thoughtful texts initially, which makes you feel drawn towards them. And once they know they have you trapped now, the love-bombing suddenly vanishes and you have to survive on crumbs. If you don’t walk away as early as you recognize this sign, you may become chronically emotionally dependent on their bare minimum efforts. They give and then withdraw love so many times that even a little effort starts to feel like enough to you.
They Avoid Important Conversations in Person
Another telltale sign of a narcissist is that they are the most charming and supportive version of themselves when they meet you. They set aside all the negative or conflicting topics for discussion over texts. This gives them the leverage to maintain their control on the narrative and deflect accountability.
They Use Backhanded Compliments
A narcissistic or controlling partner may use passive-aggressive jabs and you may have a hard time understanding their taunts as they are wrapped as compliments. Like “Wow, you look great today; I couldn’t recognize you for a second there” when you share your picture with them.
They Shift Blame Onto You
Whenever there is a conflict or something goes wrong, they are quick to blame you. They never hold themselves accountable for their part in creating the problem; instead, you end up receiving a tirade of insults and blame in texts, emphasizing how you are responsible for all the chaos in their life.
They Send Confusing “Word Salad” Messages
Another way to detect overbearing tendencies in a partner is to notice repeating patterns in their texts. Are their texts usually unwinding? And a hodgepodge of blames, abuses, insults, or irrelevant topics? If yes, that’s your sign to step back immediately, because you can’t communicate logically and effectively with a person who doesn’t want to understand your perspective.
They Rarely Show Empathy in Their Messages
Their messages reek of apathy and insensitivity, and it’s not occasional and accidental but rather intentional and frequent. You share your joys, you get dismissed, your excitement gets dampened by a snide remark, your stress gets downplayed and your emotional pain is minimized. You can’t open up to them without being dismissed. They fail to manifest genuine concern over messages and even in person.
They Boast About Their Achievements
Narcissists, all of them, have one trait in common: self-aggrandizement. Every other chat you have with them is filled with long texts of self-praise and flaunting about their accomplishments, both personal and professional. You feel like background noise in their life that receives little to no mention in the conversations they have with you.
They Ignore Messages That Don’t Benefit Them
They say they are too busy to engage in chatting 24/7 but they won’t take a second to respond to a text that is of interest to them and keep you waiting for one when the discussion is about something that matters to you. This is how they exert their control and authority and make you feel like a subordinate.
They Provoke Arguments Through Text
Psychologists have revealed an important fact about most narcissistic personalities: they thrive on reactions. They very consciously and selectively send provocative messages to get a reaction from you and then label you overdramatic and ungrateful for it. “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t” is the dynamic: you are too sensitive if you react and too uncaring if you don’t.
They Make You Feel Confused After Every Conversation
Most relationship experts agree that one of the clearest red flags is that the conversations with narcissists always leave you confused and doubting your own sanity. They love to drop mixed signals and play blame games. The moment their message pops up, your heart starts racing and you become anxious.
Final Thoughts
The way someone communicates over text messages reveals a lot about their personality. The biggest benefit you can make of your dating phase digital communication is to familiarize yourself with the patterns and behaviors of your partner. Their speed, energy, and topics in the texts can give you an insight into their thinking processes, and you can detect whether they are a green flag or red flag. If you find them self-centered, apathetic, dismissive, blame-shifting, or emotionally dysregulated when you disagree or giving you silent treatment when a conflict arises, those are clear signs of a narcissistic or overly controlling personality type. They are a walking, talking red flag, and you should not jeopardize your future and mental health by getting into a serious commitment with them.
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