Double Standards in Marriage? 15 Wife Behaviors That Wouldn’t Fly If Roles Were Reversed

Marriage is a relationship that is built on the notion of equality but the reality is quite different. In marriage, some behaviors are judged differently depending on the one who executes them. If a husband does some specific actions, then he will be judged for them immediately. Society will label him as abusive, toxic, and even incompatible for marriage. A woman would be justified and supported if she ends up leaving him for these actions. The irony is that women will never be subjected to the same skepticisim and judgemental treatment if they were to engage in these same behaviors. This makes marriage feel incredibly toxic and might even lead to its implosion eventually. Read on and learn about these behaviors that women engage in that would be grounds for divorce if men did them right here. 

Secretly Messaging an Ex

If a husband secretly messages an ex, even innocently without any ill intent, then this will be seen as a breach of trust by his wife. The same would apply to when he hides certain messages on his phone or deletes his chat history. However, a woman can do it and cite a need for privacy as justification to avoid any backlash from her husband’s side. Transparency matters a lot and the same rule should apply to both partners in a marriage when it comes to messaging people from their past. 

Publicly Belittling a Partner

Most people would be quick to label a man as abusive and emotionally callous if he mocked or belittled his wife’s intellligence, career choices, or body in front of them. However, the same standard doesn’t apply to the woman when she shames her husband and makes fun of him in public. Respect should be tacit and given unconditionally in a marriage. 

Withholding Intimacy as Punishment

It would be considered immensely manipulative if a man were to withhold intimacy and affection from his wife. However, that does not mean that a woman would be judged in the same way if she were to do it to her husband. Using physical intimacy as a means for getting one’s way in marriage is a reprehensible act, regardless of who does it. 

Controlling Finances Unilateraly

A man would be called financially abusive if he restricts his wife’s access to finances, monitors every purchase she makes, or refuses to share the inner details about his financial situation to her. Sadly, the same standard doesn’t apply to a woman. It is better for a marriage to evince shared responsibility and transparency when it comes to financial resources to keep it healthy and sustainable.

Constantly Threatening Divorce During Arguments

A marriage would become incredibly tenuous and unstable if a man were to constantly bring up the threat of divorce during heated moments and discussions. Using divorce as a weapon is frowned upon when a man does it in his marriage. But the same rule doesn’t apply to a wife, who is sympathized with for doing this as it is perceived as an expression of her stress and perturbance. 

Monitoring Phone and Social Media Without Cause

A husband would be called manipulative and controlling if he demanded his wife tell him her social media passwords, frequently checked through her messages, or questioned her persistently about her online activity. Trust can’t survive under constant surveillance, and yet the same criticism isn’t made towards a woman if she does the same to her husband. 

Refusing Accountability

A husband who refuses to take accountability for his actions and never admits his mistakes is called insensitive, callous, and apathetic. That isn’t the case with a woman who is allowed to walk away without any castigation or judgement if she makes her husband a scapegoat for all her missteps and never takes responsibility for her actions. Accountability shouldn’t be gendered. 

Emotional Manipulation Through Silent Treatment or Tears

A husband will be called manipulative and scheming if he were to weaponize silence, use emotional outbursts and be dramatic in his approach to escape responsilbility in his marriage. That simply isn’t the case when it comes to women who can just get away with doing it. Weaponizing emotions through tears, anger or using silent treatment damages communication. 

Comparing a Spouse to Others

A man who compares his wife to other women or his friends wives will be labeled insensitve and a downright terrible person. But a woman won’t care if she makes her husband feel inferior and inadequate if she makes the same comparisons of him with other men. No matter who does it, this is a profoundly detrimental act and erodes the connection between partners in a marriage. 

Disrespecting In-Laws Intentionally

A marriage would become significantly strained if a man was to openly mock, denigrate, or belittle his in-laws from his wife’s side of the family. He will be criticized for it and might even end up being divorced over it. The same doesn’t hold true for a woman, who can do it without being judged or reproached for it by anyone. 

Making Major Decisions Without Consultation

A man would be called an insensitive person who holds no value for partnership if he made any major decisions about his career, finances, or relocation without his wife’s input. The same doesn’t hold true for women who largely escape judgement for their unilateral decision making in their marriages. 

Chronic Emotional Unavailability

A husband would be called cold and neglecting if he didn’t engage his wife emotionally. He would be criticized and even threatened with divorce if he didn’t empathize with his wife, attentively listened to her, or shut down during conversations, things that his wife can do without being reprimanded or judged for it. 

Flirting for Validation

A man is called a creep, disrespectful, and unsatisfied if he flirts unknowingly or engages in harmless conversation with a member of the opposite sex. Women can do it, engage in innocuous flirting for the sake of external validation, and can casually call their husbands insecure and jealous if they question them in this regard. 

Using Past Mistakes as Permanent Ammunition

A husband would be reprimanded for bringing up his wife’s past mistakes in arguments as a means for winning the latter. But women can engage in this emotionally unfair behavior and no one will bat an eye or criticize them for it. 

Dismissing a Partner’s Stress or Struggles

A husband’s act of dismissing his wife’s struggles or belittling her contributions and calling her overreacting would be seen as extremely offensive and insulting. His actions will be regarded as invalidating and apathetic, a perception that certainly isn’t formed when a woman does it. Empathy shouldn’t be made to feel optional in a marriage from either partner’s side. 

Final Thoughts

These behaviors are destructive, no matter who initiates them. That is the main point here, and if something unacceptable, damaging, and offensive is being done by either partner, then it needs to be stopped and probed for the sake of the marriage. If such problems are allowed to continue, then they most definitely erode the cohesion in a marriage, leading to its utter destruction eventually.