Divorce is ugly, and that is an indisputable fact, but contrary to popular belief, it isn’t always betrayal, abuse, or chaos that causes it. Sometimes, a marriage ends silently, without entailing any emotional eruptions, clamor, or blame games. Women usually end up falling quietly out of love with a man, and it happens because they say he is too nice, predictable, and unexciting. However, it is not months but years after they have signed the papers that they finally start to realize some things. These things allow them to come to grips with the weight of the decision that they had made and the ramifications that it incurred for their lives. Read on and learn about these unspoken thoughts that women have when they end up divorcing the good men in their lives.
The Truth About His Love
These women realize too late that their husbands really did love them in their own, unique ways. They may not have been grand or dramatic in their gestures, but their love was consistent. This realization comes far too late and they lament over it only after a huge period has elapsed.
The Significance of Loyalty
These women learn later on just how much they underestimated the significance of loyalty. They now understand that it is an incredibly rare quality to be found in men. Consistency and faithfulness aren’t to be found readily in the men that they start dating after their divorce, a realization that makes them miss their ex-husbands even more.
Absence of Cruelty
These women now remember that their husbands never tried to hurt them and that their relationships were completely bereft of any cruelty or abuse, emotional or physical. These women only now understand that they didn’t value this positive aspect at that time.
Boredom
These women confused boredom in their marriage with incompatibility with their husbands. For them, peace felt dull because they thought then that they craved intensity in their marriage. It wasn’t until they experienced what true chaos is like after they started dating again that they realized that boredom was preferable to what they were going through now.
Feeling of Safety
These women didn’t realize just how safe their ex-husbands made them feel. They were always there for them and did their best to make them feel emotionally safe. Only now that this emotional safety is gone do these women miss it and feel its absence intensely.
Perseverance
These women realize that their husbands were good guys and they wouldn’t have given up this easily. They would have chosen to stay and work through the issues she had with them had they given their husbands the chance. That commitment is what hits them hard now that they look back at what they have lost.
Expectations of Happiness
These women were expecting happiness to just spontaneously appear in their lives once they went through with their divorces. However, they failed to take into account that freedom doesn’t mean that happiness and fulfillment will magically appear in their lives. They miss the clarity and peace that was abounding in their marriage.
Dating Experience
These women discover to their chagrin that dating is far more complicated and harder than they had anticipated. They struggle to cope with the convoluted and strange demands of modern dating, and the odds of finding someone who is respectful, emotionally mature, and consistent in their approach are very low. That is what makes dating feel more difficult than they had expected.
The Level of Acceptance
These women realize now that their husbands had accepted them far more than they realized. Their flaws, moods, eccentricities, quirks, and everything else were accepted unconditionally by their husbands. They loved them without judging them and accorded niceness without keeping score.
Focus on What was Missing
These women focused on what was lacking in their lives instead of what their husbands gave freely to them. The missing pieces eclipsed the many things that their husbands silently and tacitly provided to them daily, a realization that hurts them deeply now that it is too late to do anything about it.
Expectations of Mind Reading
These women expected their husbands to be mind readers and just be aware of what was going on in their minds. They didn’t communicate nearly as clearly as they thought they did, a mistake that cost them dearly now that they think about it in hindsight.
Expectations of Perfection
These women realize now that perhaps their ex-husbands weren’t perfect, but the fact now dawns on them that neither were they. These women didn’t have any understanding about it then but later on, their perspective shifted once the anger in their minds abated, only to be replaced by accountability.
Stability
These women learn later on that they miss the stability afforded in their marriage far more than they had expected. They long for the predictability, reliability, and soundness of routines that their marriage afforded them. It made them feel grounded and stable, a quality that their life is lacking now.
Their Exe’s Happiness
These women now hope that their ex-husbands are happy, but that too brings them sharp pangs and hurts them deeply. The knowledge that they have moved on peacefully and are living their lives with someone new that isn’t them delivers relief and unexpected pain to these women.
The Realization of Losing a Good Man
These women finally realize quite a while after their divorces that they lost a good man, not a bad one and that is the heaviest realization of them all.
Final Thoughts
Divorcing the good guy doesn’t make a woman bad, wrong, or ungrateful; it simply shows that she is human and makes mistakes and has poor judgment. This is perhaps growth that has enabled her to arrive at this level, to accept the mistakes that she had made in the past and realize that her ex wasn’t as bad a person as she made him out to be.
Ask Me Anything