Modern marriage is often touted and sold as a bond between equals, where both partners are responsible for maintaining the relationship and all that it entails. However, the truth is that modern marriage favors women more. It asks much more of men and takes and takes until there is nothing left. Marriage for men is a lifelong commitment where they have to provide for, care for, and protect their family from all the challenges and tribulations that society has in store for them. Yet, they still receive no praise or extolment in this regard. Read on and learn about the ways modern marriage favors women yet exploits men.
Expectations of Being the Provider
Men are expected to be the main providers in the relationship, even when both partners are working and have solid careers. They are judged on the basis of their income, the ambitions that they have, and the level of financial stability that they bring to the table. A man who struggles is seen as a loser, an utter failure, while a struggling woman is reassured and consoled.
Men’s Standards are Attacked
If a woman has standards, like demanding a certain height, financial capacity, lifestyle, and emotional refinement from her dates, then she is celebrated for it. However, perish the thought if a man should voice his standards. He can’t say that he wants a woman who can remain loyal, is curvy, is not obese, and so forth. He will be castigated for it and will be labeled a misogynist or insecure male.
Being Expected to Endure Emotional Chaos
Women can have mood swings, be angry and petulant, and unload their stress when they are feeling down in their marriage. Men are expected to understand it and absorb all of this emotional unrest with a smiling face. However, if a man is stressed and emotionally fatigued, then he is simply told to tough it out and hang in there instead of being permitted to vent and catharsize.
Being Shamed for Wanting Peace
A man who desires calmness, tranquility, a level of predictability and emotional safety in his marriage is seen in a negative light by his wife and society at large. He is immediately called emotionally unavailable or boring for harboring such aspirations towards domestic peace.
Double Standards Regarding the Past
Everyone has a history, incidents from the past that they aren’t proud of. Women are completely excluded from any sort of judgment when it comes to mistakes and indiscretions committed before they were married. However, men are expected to not only answer for their past oversights but also provide assurances for future stability and becoming the best possible version of themselves.
The Conundrum of Commitment
Another thing that modern marriage does wrong is making commitment the sole obligation of the husband. The man is expected to be committed completely and unequivocally to his marriage. He should alter his identity and link it indelibly to his marriage. On the other hand, women are encouraged and even celebrated for maintaining their independence and not losing their identity after marriage.
Unappreciated Efforts
Modern marriage has made men’s efforts invisible. They diligently put in the time and effort to improve their family’s lifestyle and provide for them. Yet, their efforts aren’t valued or acknowledged and instead are taken for granted. A woman’s efforts, be they in household chores or any other minuscule capacity, are hailed as being profound and tremendously amazing.
The Double Standards Towards Change
Men are expected to grow and evolve after marriage. They are expected to enhance their communicational skills and become more patient and more emotionally intelligent as well. Women, on the other hand, are taught that they should be accepted as they are by their husbands without having to change or grow in the least.
The Double Standards towards Having Boundaries
Men can’t say no or refuse anything. They shouldn’t have any sort of physical or emotional boundaries in marriage or risk being called emotionally withdrawn, manipulative, and uninvested in the marriage. Women are celebrated and praised for having boundaries and resolutely saying no to even reasonable demands made of them by their husbands.
Being Seen as Replaceable
Modern culture has ruined women’s mentality to the point that they have started seeing themselves as the prize, the ultimate milestone that a man can achieve after striving diligently and fastidiously. They can callously call a man lucky for having landed them. Men are treated as replaceable, a notion that is perpetuated and being compounded in the minds of women by the modern feministic movements. It has led to many a number of marriages imploding because the women believed, wrongly, that they could do better than what they had in the form of their marriage and husbands.
Double Standards towards Burnout
Men can get drained and exhausted in their marriage too. They can’t burn out or fall apart though, because then they would be called irresponsible and less of a man. A woman’s burnout is treated as veritable exhaustion and society expects her to be comforted and supported during these tough times.
Men’s Needs are Dismissed
Men have needs too but modern marriage expects them to compromise on them or even forego them. If men don’t do that, then they are called manipulative, controlling, and downright egotistical. Women’s needs are framed as profound, perspicacious, irreplaceable emotional necessities that can’t be removed or simplified.
Being Loved for Utility
Men are valued only for their ability to provide and maintain a certain lifestyle for their family. The money, stability, and protection that they bring to the marriage are what determine and maintain their importance. Without it, they are neglected and castigated intensely. Women are loved for just being themselves. They will be loved even if they do nothing and that is a double standard that still lingers in marriage.
Being Expected to Endure without Being Happy
Men are expected to endure all the challenges that they encounter in marriage without showing any discomfort. They should tolerate everything without complaining and their happiness certainly shouldn’t matter. However, the same rule does not apply to married women.
Being Painted as the Villain If He Leaves
Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much a man strives or struggles; his marriage still decimates. He might have given it his all till he had nothing left to give and yet his marriage still fell apart. But the ironic thing is that if he walks away from a marriage that is doomed to fail, then he will be portrayed as the villain. He will be called the nefarious and dastardly reprobate who left his poor, defenseless, faultless wife behind. No one ever questions the woman, whether she was the one who caused everything to fall apart in the first place or not and that is simply exasperating for men.
Final Thoughts
The truth is that marriage is a beautiful thing but only when both partners are willing to put in the work and accept responsibility. Mutual respect, acceptance, trust, and emotional conneciton, these are the necessary qualities that are needed for keeping a marriage strong and resilient. When men and women are treated and treat each other with equality and take accountability, then things proceed smoothly.
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