Nothing can be as convincing as charm. Some men are put together just the right way, making them intensely charming. They can say the right things, smile pretty easily, and appear caring and tender, at least on the exterior. However, their behavior betrays their true nature, that they are merely putting on a show, an affectation, and a veneer of goodness to fool people into liking them. These men don’t realize that being charming and sweet is the same as being genuinely good. There are certain behaviors that show a man isn’t a good person, no matter how charming he appears to be. Read on and learn about these behaviors right here.
Being Nice Only When He wants Something
A man whose goodness is only skin deep will always put on a veneer of charm and sweetness when he wants something from you. Should you fulfill these needs, decline, or fail to meet his expectations, then the mask immediately slips and he vanishes without a word.
Playing the Victim
He is wont to playing the victim in every situation and never takes accountability for anything. For him, nothing unfortunate happens due to his fault. He ascribes his exes as being the reason why his past relationships imploded. He never seems to take responsibility, even for the things that he did wrong.
Disrespecting People Who Can’t Benefit Him
A clear sign that a man isn’t as good as he claims or pretends to be is when he treats people who can’t do anything for him, like waiters, doormen, drivers, juniors, cleaners, and so on, with utter disdain and disrespect. This shows that he is a man of poor character and even worse scruples.
Guilt-Tripping You
He is the kind of man who will frequently guilt-trip you and manipulate you into doing what he wants. He makes you feel contrite and regretful, just so he can benefit from you. He won’t settle for honest and open communication to get the message across or get what he wants. He is the kind of person who doesn’t believe in expressing his feelings or opinions honestly and settles for subterfuge.
Apologizing Without Changing
You know he’s a terrible person when his apologies sound perfect on the surface but carry no weight or substance. He will apologize perfectly and allay all your misgivings and apprehensions. However, he will not show any remorse and his behavior will definitely not improve in the least.
Controlling in Subtle Ways
He is the kind of person who is extremely controlling and manipulative but covers it under the guise of being protective, concerned, and loving towards you. The real kicker is that he will slowly start to restrain you in other ways by limiting your freedom and even the choices that you make.
Enjoying Making You Doubt Yourself
He is the kind of person who relishes making you doubt yourself. He will always downplay your feelings and attempt to gaslight you by altering past events and even mocks your reactions. He continues doing this until you start getting ambiguous and even question your own reality.
Being Sweet in Public
He is a terrible person if he acts incredibly sweet in public, where people can see you with him. But when you are alone with him, he drops all pretense and acts impatient, cold, indifferent, and even cruel. He is the person who is sweet in public but cold in private.
Using Kindness for Bargaining
For this man, kindness is nothing more than a bargaining tool to be employed when he needs to get something from you or when it benefits him. Every act of kindness and empathy from his side comes with strings attached. They are also reminders that this generosity is conditional and will continue to be accorded only if you comply.
Lacking Empathy When it Matters Most
He is a reprehensible person because he never facilitates you by according empathy during the moments when you need it the most. He acts indifferent and detached when you are hurt, stressed out, or at your most vulnerable. He will instead minimize or belittle your pain and look for any way to redirect the focus back to himself.
Enjoying Power
For this kind of man, power is much more important than partnership. He enjoys being the center of attention, being admired by all those around him, and loves it when his whims are obeyed. What he can’t seem to tolerate is compromise, accountability, and commitment, all qualities upon which a strong partnership rests.
Using Silent Treatment as Punishment
He is the kind of person who isn’t averse to using silence as a means for punishing you. He will never take the requisite steps for resolving conflict, withdraws all affection, and shuts down all communication and attention when he feels like he isn’t getting his way in the relationship. All of this is done to regrasp control, something that is more precious to him than love or connection in the relationship.
Respecting Boundaries Only When Convenient
He will respect your boundaries, but only when it benefits him in some way. For him, your boundaries and values aren’t important and he won’t hesitate to violate them. However, if he needs something from you, then he will act all respectful and perceptive of your emotional and physical boundaries only to recede back into defiance and outright violation once he has gotten what he wanted from you.
Making You Feel Grateful for Basic Decency
His behavior towards you is so deplorable that even the instances where he affords you the rudimentary levels of decency make you feel grateful. What should be basic and expected behavior becomes exceptional when you are in a relationship with this sort of person.
Consistently Inconsistent
His love, affection, kindness, and empathy are inconsistent. You can never tell how he will act under varying circumstances. He tends to leave you anxious, ambivalent, and utterly confused with his capricious behavior.
Final Thoughts
A man who is genuinely good doesn’t depend on charm or pretense to prove his stellar character. Rather, he doesn’t need to do anything extraordinary or ostensibly charming to make you love him. His sincerity and kind nature do that for him and he never leaves you feeling like questioning your reality or yourself.
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