It is usually assumed that the man was to blame when his marriage implodes out of nowhere. Well, in many cases, this assumption turns out to be true. However, there are those marriages where the man did everything right. He was a nice guy, did the household chores, paid the bills, loved his wife and kids, and generally adhered to all of the positive stereotypes associated with successful marriages. Yet, he still ended up getting the short end of the stick and was divorced out of the blue. So, what are the reasons that cause a woman to divorce a good guy even if he fulfills all the positive criteria? Read on and find out right here.
Reliability without Performance
The thing with these guys was that their wives felt they were reliable but didn’t put in the effort towards grand gestures of romance, the embellished compliments, and generally treating them like princesses. The truth is, these men wanted to be consistent with their care and love for their wives and families, something that their wives perceived as unexciting and monotonous.
The Misconception that Stability was Love
For these men, it now seems like they wrongly believed stability, fidelity, and responsibility to be the chief modes through which they proved their love to their wives. The thing that flabbergasted them was that their wives didn’t share the same opinion. They wanted a husband who could constantly surprise them and steadily dial up the emotional intensity as the years went on, an impossible task to say the least.
Thinking Kindness was Enough
These men had been told again and again to be understanding, empathetic, and generally be the nice guy in their marriages to succeed and achieve marital bliss. However, they weren’t prepared for being labeled as boring, passive, and unexciting by their wives for it before they pulled the plug on their marriage.
Taking Her Words at Face Value
These men made the mistake of not probing into their wives’ inner thoughts and just took their dour expression and declaration of “I am fine” as it is, at face value. They didn’t realize that their wives were expecting them to be able to tell what was wrong with them or their marriage like a mind reader.
Giving Her Space
These men endeavored to give their wives the space they needed to recover and revitalize and gather their senses. They respected their independence because it felt right at that time but their wives perceived it as emotional withdrawal and coldness.
Avoiding Conflict
These men were wont to eschew conflict because of love. They believed that love doesn’t thrive on conflict and refrained from engaging in any kind of tough talk or disagreements with their wives. They even silently bore the ridicule and vitriol that their wives hurled their way during arguments. Unbeknownst to them, this made their wives see them as weak, sort of like pushovers, and they chose to leave instead of relaying this perspective to them.
Not Competing for Attention
These men assumed that commitment equates to security. They weren’t aware that their wives expected them to constantly prove their desirability and love for them. Sure, these expectations were feasible and even justified when they were dating, but now, comfort and security should have been enough, a sentiment their wives didn’t share unfortunately.
Being Content
These men made the grave error of being content and grateful with what they had in life and everything that they had built. They didn’t know that their wives wanted more excitement, growth, emotional expansion, and so on. These women didn’t let them in on these expectations and just flat out divorced them for being too complacent.
Expressing Love Through Actions
These men were never adept at mincing words or exaggerating compliments to prove their love to their wives. Rather, they believed their actions would do that job for them. They consistently strived to provide stability, consistency, and security in their marriages while completely ignoring their love language. This made their wives feel neglected and ignored and instead of talking it out, they chose to divorce these men while labeling them callous and apathetic.
Trusting Loyalty to be Enough
These men never thought that fidelity or consistency in their marriage would be regarded as the bare minimum rather than the essential building blocks of a successful marriage. This one stung, because despite remaining loyal and steadfast, their wives still chose to leave and divorce them.
Being Blindsided
The news of the divorce hits these men out of nowhere and without any prior warning. Their wives have already checked out emotionally from the relationship before announcing their intent to divorce these men. Instead of conveying their concerns and thoughts before through honest and open communication, these women chose to remain quiet and let the consternation and bitterness accumulate within them. If only they had been more open with their husbands, this undesirable development would have been avoided.
He was Willing to Change
The real kicker is that these men would have been willing to change their ways, improve their behavior, and be more caring and attentive if only their wives had told them about it. Rather, they chose to pack their bags and leave their marriages, emotionally and physically.
Chasing Their Youth
Another excuse that many wives make to justify their leaving their husbands is that they missed out on their youth. They lament that they tied the knot too soon and lost out on so many crazy years where they could have engaged in intense and sublime fun. Now, they want that chance and are thinking of venturing to the more lush grounds, forgetting that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
Losing Their Family
These men don’t just lose their wives after their divorce; they end up losing their families. They lose all sense of daily routine, sense of purpose, and direction in his life
Thinking He was a Bad Husband
These men are left with nothing else but the shattered remains of their life and dignity after their divorce. They can’t escape the thought that perhaps they were to blame for their marriage shattering, a realization that keeps haunting them long after they have signed the papers and moved out of the life that they worked so hard to build.
Final Thoughts
Good men don’t get divorced because they were careless or cruel. They get divorced because they weren’t equipped to handle the expectations that their wives had of them and their marriage in general. They received the news of divorce out of nowhere and had no time to prepare or try to ameliorate the situation.
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