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Why Dating Feels So Hard Right Now: 15 Behaviors Men Say Push Them Away

Updated on December 31, 2025 by TMM Staff · Dating & Confidence

A couple jogging on a beach.
©Curated Lifestyle/Unsplash.com

It is a fact that dating in these current times feels more complicated than ever. Many men even say that the dating apps don’t favor them in the least. They also lament that even if they were to land any viable partner on these apps, modern dating expectations have made the entire process too convoluted. The modern woman is anything but easy and dating them is an ordeal that leaves men feeling drained and exhausted. There are many behaviors that affect and shape men’s opinions in this regard. Read on and learn about the things that men say make modern women impossible to date. 

Table of Contents

Toggle
  • Treating The Date Like a Job Interview
  • One-Sided Effort
  • Labeling Everything a Red Flag
  • Constant Comparisons
  • Employing Independence as Emotional Distance
  • Feminism has Turned Hostile
  • Addiction to Attention
  • Exploiting Past Trauma
  • Expecting Men to be Mind Readers
  • Publicly Shaming Men
  • Expecting Traditional Benefits without Traditional Effort
  • Refusal to take Accountability
  • Treating Men as Disposable
  • Having Unrealistic Expectations 
  • Women Have Lost the Ability to be Soft
  • Final Thoughts

Treating The Date Like a Job Interview

Young man and woman sitting together on a couch and talking indoors.
©Getty Images /Unsplash.com

Men today are saying that dates don’t actually feel like pursuits of leisure or pleasure anymore. Now, it feels more like they are being probed and questioned as if they were interviewing for a job. Modern women are fickle and they make men feel like they are being assessed for a position that they most definitely didn’t apply for. 

One-Sided Effort

Woman in a black shirt looking at her phone against a dimly lit red curtain background.
©Nick Fancher /Unsplash.com

In a world where attention is a currency, too many people treat loyalty like an outd

Men say that modern women expect effort from their side without offering any in return. They are expected to plan, pay, make the first move, text first, and even accommodate them, all the while they don’t reciprocate with sincerity or enthusiasm. 

Labeling Everything a Red Flag

A man in a blue dress shirt hugging a woman in a white sweater.
©Ashwini Chaudhary(Monty)/Unsplash.com

Modern women are wont to call even the smallest thing in the date a red flag. The way he disagrees, his smallest flaws, and normal mistakes are called indicators of bad compatibility. Men want their dates to be understanding of their pros as well as cons, but modern women leave no room for them to be less than perfect anymore. 

Constant Comparisons

Man and woman having an outdoor dinner by candlelight, looking at each other.
©Kateryna Hliznitsova/Unsplash.com

Men say modern women are constantly comparing them to other men, like their fathers, exes, colleagues, and so on. These chronic comparisons make men feel like they are incompetent and inadequate and merely components in a machine that can be swapped out later for fresher, newer, more eligible ones.

Employing Independence as Emotional Distance

A man looking downwards while a woman wearing a scarf smiles in the forefront.
©Rio Syhputra/unsplash.com

Men are respectful when it comes to female independence, but not when it morphs into emotional absence or unavailability. Women are using independence as an excuse to be distant, adamant about not compromising, and utterly eschewing expressing their vulnerabilities or feelings. This makes men feel like they are talking to a wall instead of a real person. 

Feminism has Turned Hostile

Man smiling slyly next to a woman looking at him with a disapproving expression.
©Getty Images /Unsplash.com

Many men say that they fully support equality. However, lately, they say it seems like dating has become incredibly hostile due to the rising trend of feminism amongst modern women. It has made them complacent in treating men with hostility, demeaning them, outrightly dismissing them, and belittling them in all of their pursuits. These toxic tendencies brought on by radical feminism have made modern women almost impossible to date. 

Addiction to Attention

A man asking a woman about her phone while she gestures with her hand annoyingly as they lie on a bed.
©Getty Images/unsplash.com

Modern women are self-obsessed. The only things that they concern themselves with are validation from strangers online and offline. That is why dates with them have become an endless series of selfies, posting details about their dates, thirst traps, and so on. This makes men feel like they are competing with the entire internet for their attention and the chance to form a connection with them.

Exploiting Past Trauma

Young man sitting on a chair with his head in his hands, looking distressed, in front of stairs.
©Aakash Malik /Unsplash.com

Men say that modern women are quite adept at weaponizing their past trauma against them. They use the mistakes and blunders they committed years ago against them. They make it feel like they had wronged these women somehow, what with the vicious way they attack them and make them feel despondent and depressed through this manner. 

Expecting Men to be Mind Readers

Man in a blazer and glasses sitting on an outdoor stone ledge looking thoughtful.
©Ahmed /Unsplash.com

Being teased or criticized might seem harmless at first, but there’s a big differe

Men say that modern women have expectations of extrasensory perception from them. They want men to act as if they know what’s going on in their mind without clearly stating their intent or expectations. They say that these unclear expectations have set the stage for them to mess up and fail always. 

Publicly Shaming Men

Young man with freckles leaning his head on a blonde woman's forehead, holding her face.
©Getty Images /Unsplash.com

Men say that having arguments and disagreements is part of dating. But what makes modern women so undateable is that they publicly humiliate men for their conflicting views. They mock them online and even in public when they are on a date, all for the sake of creating viral content to gain more attention. Men say that this destroys all attraction and trust immediately and leaves them seething and bitter. 

Expecting Traditional Benefits without Traditional Effort

A young woman with long dark hair and black-framed glasses looks off-camera.
©Luís Pereira /Unsplash.com

Women want men to play their conventional roles of provider, protector, and leader to perfection. However, what confuses men is that despite having such traditional expectations of them, women aren’t willing to reciprocate in kind. They don’t want to adhere to the qualities that are expected of them in this regard, like being soft, gentle, loyal, or cooperative. 

Refusal to take Accountability

A smiling woman holds a glass drink with a straw while talking to a man in a coffee shop.
©Getty Images /Unsplash.com

Men say that while women want them to apologize and take accountability for their mistakes, they certainly aren’t interested in extending the same courtesy. Modern women are completely obstinate when it comes to not taking responsibility or owning up to their mistakes. Rather, they are more likely to shift all blame onto men than hold themselves accountable. 

Treating Men as Disposable

A man in a white shirt and gray vest looks down at his phone while holding a white cup.
©Getty Images /Unsplash.com

Some men feel like they are always one mistake away from being replaced with someone new and probably better. They say that with the endless dating options available to women at present, they have started treating men as if they are disposable commodities. 

Having Unrealistic Expectations 

A couple sitting at a table and watching coffee being poured while looking uninterested
©Alyssa Jane/unsplash.com

Men say that having standards isn’t a bad thing; it is healthy. But when expectations become unrealistic, and perfection becomes the main demand, then things start getting complicated. Modern women expect perpetual thrills, impeccable emotional intelligence, and deep investment from their dates, an impossible task that has left men feeling bewildered and tired. 

Women Have Lost the Ability to be Soft

A man looking angrily at a woman while they have coffee at a table.
©Vitaly Gariev/unsplash.com

This might seem hard for some women to swallow but yes, men still want their women to be soft and gentle. They want them to be emotionally open, empathetic, and willing to form a deep connection with the men that they decide to date. Modern women, on the other hand, have grown emotionally hardened, defensive, and overly guarded. They project an aura of toughness, something that puts men off immediately. 

Final Thoughts

A woman eating ice cream and looking at a man while they stand by a barrier overlooking a lake.
©Matheus Camara De Silva/unsplash.com

Men aren’t asking for perfection at all. All they want is a partner who can treat them with kindness, is gentle, and has realistic expectations of them. They want someone who accepts them for who they are, not a sour, temerarious, headstrong woman who’s drunk on delusions of grandeur and her own independence. 

Dating & Confidence

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About TMM Staff

The Modest Man staff writers are experts in men's lifestyle who love teaching guys how to live their best lives.

If an article is published under TMM Staff, that means multiple writers worked on it. For example, sometimes several of us have experience with a certain brand, so we collaborate to publish a more thorough review.

Or, if an article was originally written by one person, but then it was updated by someone else, we'll re-publish it under TMM Staff.

Remember: all of our articles (including those below) are written by real people with decades of combined experience in men's fashion and lifestyle topics.

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