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17 Signs He Was the Real Reason the Marriage Fell Apart, Not Her

Updated on December 2, 2025 by TMM Staff · Dating & Confidence

A woman talking to a man who has his back turned to her and refuses to answer as they sit on a bed.
©Getty Images/Unsplash.com

In most of the cases, it is the woman who is constantly left questioning her worth, pondering her culpability, and considering whether or not she is the problem in their relationship. She is plagued with feelings of inadequacy and can’t seem to grasp the main predicament in her relationship. However, sometimes it isn’t she who is to blame at all, but rather he who is to blame. A man can be the reason why his relationship eventually implodes due to certain reprehensible habits that he exhibits. The marriage dies with a whimper because he was the one who wasn’t considerate or careful with his conduct or attention. Read on and learn about the undeniable reasons why a man might be the problem with a relationship. 

Table of Contents

Toggle
  • Never Taking Accountability
  • Shutting her Down Instead of Communicating
  • Expecting Emotional Labor without Giving Any in Return
  • Criticism instead of Appreciation
  • Making Himself the Victim
  • Taking Her Efforts for Granted
  • Never Following Through on His Promises
  • Not Respecting Her Boundaries
  • Making Her Feel Like She was “Too Much”
  • Having Double Standards
  • Expecting Partnership Benefits without Being a Partner
  • Damaging Trust through Secrets and Lies
  • Being Emotionally Immature
  • Treating Her Like a Backup
  • Never Trying to Understand Her World
  • Only Agreeing to Work Things Out After She was Done
  • Being the Cause of Her Emotional and Mental Decline
  • Final Thoughts

Never Taking Accountability

A couple arguing while looking at a tablet.
©Vitaly Gariev/Unsplash.com

It was he who never deigned to take accountability for anything wrong that he did. He always laid the blame on her and everything somehow became her fault. He was an expert in blaming her, deflecting all accountability, and denying and contorting facts to suit his narrative and needs. 

Shutting her Down Instead of Communicating

A man ignoring his complaining wife.
©Fotos/Unsplash.com

He was the kind of person who constantly used silence as a means for escaping communication or talking about the hard topics. He was always averse to talking things out when she wanted to do so. This refusal to engage in dialogue caused small, insignificant issues to exacerbate into huge problems that set the stage for the marriage’s destruction. 

Expecting Emotional Labor without Giving Any in Return

A man and a woman standing in front of a garage door.
©Alexander Mass/Unsplash.com

He never supported her emotionally and avoided putting in any effort or labor in this regard. She was the one who had to support, console, explain, and soothe every issue while managing the relationship at the same time. This resulted in resentment setting in within her, which eventually led to the marriage’s implosion. 

Criticism instead of Appreciation

A man and a woman having an argument.
©Curated Lifestyle/Unsplash.com

She gave and gave in the relationship in small and notable ways and yet was never praised or acknowledged for her efforts. Instead, he chose to criticize her in every way possible, making her feel small and invisible. Such denigration eventually leads to a woman falling out of love and choosing to abandon her marriage. 

Making Himself the Victim

A man and a woman standing in a field.
©Michael T/Unsplash.com

She might have gotten hurt or melancholic over something he did. Instead of consoling her or taking responsibility for his actions, he always resorted to painting himself as the injured and aggrieved party. He pushed her feelings aside just so he could protect his massive ego, a move that cost him his love and marriage. 

Taking Her Efforts for Granted

A woman looking upset while her man sleeps in the back on a bed.
©Vitaly Gariev/unsplash.com

He never noticed just how much she sacrificed for the marriage. She was the one who undertook all the chores around the house, remained emotionally invested in the relationship, and maintained everything. He took everything for granted and assumed that she would keep doing it automatically, even if he stopped appreciating or acknowledging her. 

Never Following Through on His Promises

A man and woman standing in grayscale photography.
©Tri Vo/unsplash.com

He never delivered on the promises he made, be it about helping her, changing his ways, or even putting in more effort into his marriage. This destroyed her hope and reliance on him and she left him, finally fed up with his acute and incorrigible inconsistency. 

Not Respecting Her Boundaries

A young woman complaining to her husband, who is being indifferent to her.
©Getty Images/Unsplash.com

He always chose to ignore her protests and disregarded the boundaries that she informed him about. He always prioritized his own needs above hers and that is why he shattered his marriage when he didn’t respect her boundaries. 

Making Her Feel Like She was “Too Much”

A man and a woman having an argument.
©Afif Ramdhasuma/Unsplash.com

He made her feel like she overreacted. He labeled her as being too needy, emotional, sensitive, demanding, nagging, and more. All of this was done to gaslight her into being silent and for him to eschew accountability and blame in the relationship.

Having Double Standards

Silhouette photography of a man and woman.
©Andriyko Podilnyk/Unsplah.com

He didn’t accord her the same liberties that he allowed himself. He could be angry, lazy, constantly demand personal space, and so forth. She wasn’t allowed any such freedoms and was lambasted if she tried to request them from him. 

Expecting Partnership Benefits without Being a Partner

A couple having an argument while they are sitting on a bed.
©Curated Lifestyle/Unsplash.com

He wanted to be given the stability, comfort, love, and care that are staples of a marriage, without reciprocating in turn. He wanted her to act as a partner for him while he could avoid any such responsibilities. For him, his needs in these regards were important, while hers were negligible and unimportant. 

Damaging Trust through Secrets and Lies

A woman grabbing her husband's jacket while they are standing on a rooftop.
©Ashwini Chaudhary(Monty)/Unsplash.com

He chose to remain secretive and deliberately let his relationship fall into suspicion. He started keeping secrets from his wife, constantly lied, and hid behind a wall of mendacity. This constantly kept her on edge and eventually she gave in and left the marriage. 

Being Emotionally Immature

A man and a woman sitting at a table.
©Andrej Lišakov/Unsplash.com

A man is usually the one to blame for his marriage’s destruction when he chooses to be emotionally immature. He uses silence as a weapon, overreacts to even the smallest of issues, and refuses to engage in mature discussions. His wife will try to tolerate his tantrums and emotional turbulence to a degree but will choose to abandon it when things eventually exceed her abilities. 

Treating Her Like a Backup

A worried woman is sitting on a couch while her husband sitting next to heris busy in his phone.
©Curated Lifestyle/Unsplash.com

He never gave her the priority and importance that she deserved. Instead, he had far more pressing priorities, like hanging out with friends, having fun in his hobbies, scrolling through his phone, and so on. He never had time for her until it was too late to bring their marriage back from the brink of destruction. 

Never Trying to Understand Her World

A man and a woman sitting upset on a bed after a quarrel.
©Curated Lifestyle/Unsplash.com

He never gave much thought to her and what her world was like. For him, his own hobbies, aspirations, thoughts, and passions were enough. He never stopped to consider that she too might have such nuances about her as well. He never probed into her as a person and chose to remain ignorant till it was too late. 

Only Agreeing to Work Things Out After She was Done

A man gazing at a woman who is looking at the camera.
©Suhendro Purnomo/Unsplash.com

He suddenly developed a willingness to work things out out of nowhere. He wanted to go to couples therapy, communicate more, and even adopt a more refined behavior in the marriage. However, it was only done out of a frantic need to keep her around when she finally had had enough. His efforts and willingness to change came too late for his marriage and he lost her.

Being the Cause of Her Emotional and Mental Decline

A woman sitting upset on the bed while her husband is sleeping.
©Vitaly Gariev/Unsplash.com

He was the reason she grew exhausted with the relationship. He kept taking and taking from her, not giving anything in return or allowing her to replenish her pertinent faculties. This led to a sharp decline in her mental and emotional health, which culminated in her checking out of the relationship. 

Final Thoughts

A thoughtful man looking away while his wife is talking on the phone.
©Getty Images/Unsplash.com

Marriage doesn’t always fail because of the women; sometimes it is the men’s fault. They make things incompatible, without communication, and generally make things increasingly difficult. This makes it impossible for a marriage to survive the challenges that life throws at it. A balanced approach where both spouses collaborate is the way to go and ensures marital sustainability and success. 

Dating & Confidence

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About TMM Staff

The Modest Man staff writers are experts in men's lifestyle who love teaching guys how to live their best lives.

If an article is published under TMM Staff, that means multiple writers worked on it. For example, sometimes several of us have experience with a certain brand, so we collaborate to publish a more thorough review.

Or, if an article was originally written by one person, but then it was updated by someone else, we'll re-publish it under TMM Staff.

Remember: all of our articles (including those below) are written by real people with decades of combined experience in men's fashion and lifestyle topics.

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