Men are always beset by demands to be strong and manage things in the relationship. They are expected to be rocks that don’t shatter and the foundation that remains stable no matter what loads it bears. The weight of these expectations weighs heavily on men, and no one seems willing to talk about it. The women in their lives aren’t willing to address them and this is gradually wearing good men down. Their spirit, energy, and tolerance slowly erode till it gets too late to salvage anything of worth. Read on and learn about the hidden expectations made of men that deteriorate their confidence and resolve slowly.
Being the Financial Provider, Always
Men are expected to be the providers for the family, a role that has been conventionally associated with them for as long as time has existed. But no one sees just how much pressure this role exerts on a man. He is constantly under stress trying to make ends meet and this gradually erodes his sense of self-worth and any peace that he has in his life.
Never Displaying Weakness
Society teaches men to always be strong, imposing, unmoving, unfeeling statues of courage and invulnerability. Weaknesses and shows of vulnerability are not tolerated or accepted and that is why men, even when they are hurt or under pressure, have to keep up the guise of strength and wellness.
Being the Emotional Anchor
Men are expected to be the emotional rock, the one who understands and regulates emotions, in a relationship. He is expected to repress his emotions and strive to bring calm and stability to the emotional turbulence raging within his partner’s mind. This leads to him ignoring his own emotional vulnerabilities till this eventually leads to him getting immensely exhausted.
Always Being the One Who Knows What to Do
Men are expected to be the ones who have all the answers to problems in the relationship. They are the caretakers, so it goes without saying that they should know how to handle everything as well. This leaves no room for error, self-doubt, or ambivalence, a prospect laden with anxiety and trepidation for the men involved.
Always being the One Who Initiates
Where is it written that it is only the man who has to initiate everything in a relationship? He is expected to make the first move, groove on with the romantic gestures, arrange candlelit dinners, keep flirting, and even drop suggestive compliments. Men want to be appreciated and feel good too, but no one initiates anything in that vein, leaving them feeling dejected and despondent.
Not Showing Vulnerability
Men can’t appear weak, fearful, sad, or insecure; it just doesn’t suit them. Men have to suppress these vulnerabilities and flaws by erecting barriers. Under such cases, people are calling them unfeeling and apathetic. Men really can’t win at all, no matter what they do.
Men Have to Stay in Control
Men are told repeatedly that they can’t lose control, give in to temptation or anger, cry out loud, or appear overwhelmed. But people forget that they are humans too and can experience human emotions too. This constant upbraiding to be strong and in control only catalyzes exhaustion and burnout on their part.
They Always Have to Prove Their Worth
Men are expected to prove their worth constantly and throughout all pursuits in their lives. They are expected to be good husbands, have great careers, have chiseled, well-maintained bodies, and perpetually live up to the vision of the “ideal” man. This becomes tiring after a while and leads men to become burned out after a protracted spell of such abuse.
Always being the Protector
It becomes very tiring and exhausting when a man is always expected to be the protector for his partner and family. He has to protect everyone from financial straits, emotional chaos, and even physical harm. This forces him to always be vigilant and never abandon or lower his barriers for even a second.
Regulating Their Desires
Men have to walk the knife’s edge of being balanced in their approach towards desire and love. They can’t appear too direct or too calculated and withdrawn. Men are constantly in a state of ambivalence as to when and how they should approach their partner. He’s labeled too demanding when he expresses desire and shot down as being too cold when he practices restraint. Men truly can’t win in this regard, no matter what they do.
Always Being the Fixer
Men are fixers by nature, but this doesn’t mean that they know how to fix everything. Even a car needs different specialists to completely restore it. Men are expected to be whizzes at repairing household items and even fix emotional breakages in the relationship. Men can’t cope with such pressure and eventually start to buckle under it.
Always Maintaining Top Performance
Men are always expected to be perfect and perform optimally, be it at work, in intimacy, with household chores, and so on. This perpetual demand for perfection leaves men feeling immensely pressured and stressed.
They Don’t Need Help
Men have been taught by society to never depend on anyone else. They can’t be vulnerable, can’t seek therapy, or even ask for help, as it mars society’s perception of masculinity. Men should know that real strength is knowing when to pause and reach out to someone for help. Pretending that everything is fine is only going to be detrimental and draining for them, mentally and physically.
They Always Have to Maintain Their Cool
Men have to remain cool and calm, even when they are depressed, hurt, or angry. This constant demand for rationality and calmness keeps men on edge. They repress their emotions and this leads to resentment setting into their psyche. This also magnifies the odds of him erupting in a blazing show of rage when his tolerance runs out.
Always be the “Man”
Being the “”Man”, that is what society always asks him to be. At this point, even society doesn’t know what being a man truly entails. Does it mean he should be toxic? Does it mean he should treat everything with cold aloofness? Does it mean he should be an unfeeling, remorseless, and abrasive individual? Or does it mean that he should prioritize his own betterment and physical and mental health above all else? These are questions that modern men are still expecting to be answered.
Final Thoughts
Men don’t have to live up to impossible standards to be deserving of respect or love, and that is the truth. Men need to be understood, loved, and given the liberty to feel without having to worry about being criticized and judged. Only then will men heal and start giving positively and salubriously to their relationships.
Ask Me Anything