They say retrospect really does bring clarity, and that is absolutely true in the case of ex-wives. Many women, after divorcing their husbands, realize in time that they were in the wrong. They trivialized and dismissed many things concerning their husbands, which in turn gradually damaged their marriage. No matter how strong a marriage may be, it will still crumble if it is subjected to constant pressure and trials. These women now understand that it was the small things, acts, that they committed that led to the implosion of their bond. These attitudes, patterns, and habits that seemed innocuous at first turned out to be immensely disastrous. Read on and learn what lessons these ex-wives learned in hindsight.
Always Needing to be Right
These women constantly engaged in a competition with their husbands over who was in the right. It mattered not if the matter was trivial or serious; they only needed to win. Their point was the one that mattered, even at the cost of sacrificing peace in their marriage.
Expecting the Husband to be a Mind Reader
Husbands, or rather men in general, are mind readers. They have always been dependent upon open communication and that applies to their wives as well. No matter what the wives might think, they donโt have extrasensory perceptions. These women always remained vague and withheld their emotions and intents till the last minute. They avoided clear communication with their husbands till their marriage was finally decimated.
Constant Comparison
Another reason why the marriage fell apart for such women is because of the comparison game. Every couple has their own pros and cons, but comparing with others lays the groundwork for resentment and bitterness in their marriage. Finding faults in their own marriages via comparisons with others over social media led to the state that these ex-wives are now in.
Holding onto Grudges
These women never learned to let go. They were too prideful and self-centered to overlook their husbandsโ flaws and withheld grudges. No matter how much they apologized or implored, these women stuck to their guns. It is no wonder that their marriages ended after that because they couldnโt let go of their hate. Their pride simply didnโt allow them to until it was too late
Expecting Husbands to Complete Them
The entire pressure of the marriage, emotional and physical, was loaded onto the husband. These women expected them to complete them and didnโt contribute or do their part towards mutual growth. They forgot that the husband isnโt there to cater to their needs only but rather to be one part of a whole that requires effort from their side as well.
Always Blaming the Husband
These women realize now that they adamantly refused to take accountability in their marriage. They always blamed their husbands, even for the most minuscule or insignificant spats. They painted them as the villain, so it came as no shock when their husbands finally decided to walk away and salvage their dignity.
Never Opening Up
Another thing that exerted excess pressure on the marriage was when these women refused to open up to their husbands. They considered themselves to be strong, independent females who can show no weakness. This pride prevented them from sharing their vulnerabilities, hopes, dreams, and ambitions with their husbands. This entailed an emotional disconnection growing in between them, which eventually led to divorce.
Always Nagging
These women now realize that perhaps it wasnโt the best of moves to constantly nag their ex-husbands. They arrived home to take solace in their presence, to enjoy some semblance of peace, only to be bombarded with criticism and unwanted nagging from their wives. This made them feel unappreciated and the only choice available to them was splitting up.
Ignoring Friendship
Husbands are supposed to laugh and enjoy themselves with their wives. They love it when their wives treat them as more than just partners and delve into friendly banter and relations as well. However, these women ignored the aspect of friendship that underlies romance. It made the relationship hollow and lifeless, one that they both opted to bow out of in time.
Expecting Only the Husbands to Change
Change and growth are an essential part of any relationship. It makes for a stronger and more evolved bond between a couple. It means doing away with the negative and adopting the positive in terms of traits, habits, and so on. However, these women refused to change themselves and constantly argued and pestered their husbands to change. This created an unsustainable relationship where adaptation was expected only from a single person.
Resentment Replaced Gratitude
These ex-wives were so engrossed with resentment towards their husbands that they failed to see all the good he did. They ignored his efforts, contributions, and all that he did for their marriage. Only now, when it is too late, do they realize that they were in the wrong, that they allowed resentment to replace gratitude and appreciation for their husbands.
They Stopped Connecting
Marriages arenโt supposed to go stale or lose any dynamism. A marriage that grows static and bound by routine isnโt going to survive the test of time. These ex-wives unfortunately saw this as a normal development in their marriage. They didnโt make any attempts to keep things interesting and connect with their husbands.
No Apologizing First
These women were prideful and vain. They refused to apologize first, even if they were in the wrong. They simply didnโt value their marriage enough to compromise and relent. This became a resounding reason why their marriage then fell apart.
Weaponizing Silence
Silent treatments are immature and highly detrimental to a marriageโs integrity. When ex-wives began to use silence as a weapon and gave their husbands the cold shoulder, they inadvertently sowed the seeds of hatred and resentment. These seeds led to the inexorable attrition and destruction of their marriage.
Focusing on His Flaws
Sure, he isnโt the same man that you settle down with in the first place. He may have gotten out of shape, or his ambitions, preferences, and tendencies may have changed. He is flawed and knows it. These women made the mistake of singling out their flaws and criticizing them intensely. While any man may be able to quietly weather this upbraiding for a while, their patience soon runs thin. This leads to many couples divorcing and parting ways.
They Forgot that Love Needs Maintenance
These women assumed that love would be enough to sustain the marriage. However, they forgot that love needs attention, deliberation, and effort to grow and become stronger. They waited till it was too late to do anything, and now all they have left is regret.
Final Thoughts
Marriages donโt end suddenly; they fall apart when their strength is eroded via small, silent choices. Ex-wives lament over the choices that they made when they were still happily married. They regret their decisions and wish that they could go back in time and relive their lives, ones bereft of pride, resentment, and disregard. But it is too late and all they can do now is live with the realization that they ended their own marriages with their ill-placed choices.
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