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15 Reasons Men See Women as “Selfish” in Modern Dating

Updated on November 11, 2025 by TMM Staff · Dating & Confidence

A couple sitting on stairs looking at each other.
©Gabriel Ponton/Unsplash.com

It is a fact that the modern dating landscape has shifted, and not in favor of men. Most men in present times silently come to terms with the realization that they are frustrated. This frustration isn’t a side effect of disliking women; rather, it is because they have to do all the emotional heavy lifting in modern relationships.

The majority of men are saying that women have become selfish. This opinion isn’t predicated on resentment alone but also on being belittled, undervalued, and rendered invisible by modern women. To complicate things further, men are now reporting that they are exploited and used for passing the time by women in a modern world that prioritizes convenience over attachment. Read on and learn why men are calling women selfish in today’s dating scenario and what factors are driving this opinion.

Table of Contents

Toggle
  • One-Sided Emotional Effort
  • Transactional Nature of Dating
  • Attention is all that Matters Now
  • The Veneer of Independence
  • Men are Disposable Now
  • Efforts aren’t Rewarded
  • Dating for the Sake of Lifestyle
  • The Dilemma of Vulnerability
  • Boundaries Respect is One-Sided
  • A Constant Test
  • Women Crave Perfection
  • Women aren’t available Emotionally
  • Men’s Conventional Tendencies are Ridiculed
  • Women are too self-centered now.
  • They Want Control
  • Final Thoughts

One-Sided Emotional Effort

A man and a woman standing next to each other.
©Lia Bekyan/Unsplash.com

Men are expected to be the ones to court women and cater to their every whim. They have to cajole, facilitate, and entertain them while expecting nothing in return. The weight of this emotional effort is burdened on men only, while women don’t reciprocate in kind. They are not invested in today’s relationships and are always demanding more. This has left many men emotionally exhausted and fed up with the selfish desires of modern women.  

Transactional Nature of Dating

A couple sitting on a plate of food.
©Michael T/Unsplash.com

Men are done with having to constantly audition for women’s affections. They have to take them out, set up dinner, and make all the nice, romantic gestures, and only then do they receive some modicum of reciprocation. Dating today’s women feels like a transaction, one where the men are constantly on the losing end.

Attention is all that Matters Now

A man and a woman pose for a picture by the water.
©Natalia Blauth/Unsplash.com

Attention and social media points are all that concern women nowadays. The only way they are willing to get into a relationship or date is to further boost their social credit. Selfies, date night pics, and social media updates, that is all there is to them now. Any man who can provide them with the attention and potential social media boost is the one that these women may remotely consider as a partner. The others, well, they aren’t so lucky and remain stuck at the bottom of the dating bin.

The Veneer of Independence

A woman in a city in her modern car at night holding a smartphone and taking a selfie.
©Getty Images/Unsplash.com

Women in present times are so very prominent in lording it over their dates as to how independent and empowered they are. They use it as a crutch to justify their obnoxious attitude, and quite frankly, men have grown sick of it.

Men are Disposable Now

A woman is busy on her phone, leaving her partner alone.
©Curated Lifestyle/Unsplash.com

True independence may yet be a dream for women, but that sure doesn’t apply to the dating world. These women know that as long as they are young and pretty, men will line up to date them. That is why they treat men like disposable tissue paper. They might be on a date with you but will be perusing through dating apps for their next, fatter, and fancier target.

Efforts aren’t Rewarded

A waiter pours coffee in a mug while a couple is watching silently.
©Alyssa Janet/Unsplash.com

No matter how much effort or consideration men show, women certainly won’t reciprocate it. They can spend a fortune on the night, and all they would get is a “meh” response. Most women spend the evening lost in their phones, texting, taking pictures, and generally ignoring their date. Men find this mortifying and further link this aloofness to be a sign of selfishness on the part of modern women.

Dating for the Sake of Lifestyle

A man and woman taking a selfie at a rooftopwith a cell phone.
©Javier González Fotógrafo/Unsplash.com

Women are selfish nowadays because, per men, they aren’t dating for love but rather to maintain a certain lifestyle. These women are obsessed with social media and going on a date; posting the proceedings awards them some major attention. Women are looking to gain further prominence, with love and emotional connection being peripheral to the entire experience.

The Dilemma of Vulnerability

A man sitting alone at a table in a club.
©Alan W/Unsplash.com

When women open up about their vulnerabilities and flaws, it is called empowering and praised profusely. Conversely, men are met with a cold silence and sometimes utter ridicule if they do muster the courage to open up. This double standard is another indicator that modern dating favors women more than men.

Boundaries Respect is One-Sided

A male hand mixing coffee with a spoon while a woman is sitting separately.
©Pauline Iakovleva/Unsplash.com

Women delineate their boundaries immediately on the first date, be it about spending, emotions, or physical expectations. They express them and expect the men to meticulously adhere to them. However, the selfish part comes in when women don’t extend the same courtesy to men. Their delineating boundaries is perceived as misogynistic and chauvinistic.

A Constant Test

A man sitting at a table with a glass of water in front of him.
©UK Black Tech/Unsplash.com

Men are expected to put up with women’s games in modern dating. They concoct strange games that men must play to prove their loyalty and dating likeability. Well, the modern man has grown quite weary of jumping through the hoops, and some have even given up on participating in the debacle that is modern dating.

Women Crave Perfection

A man and a woman choosing flavors for drinks at a drink shop.
©Getty Images/Unsplash.com

No one is perfect, but no one seems to have notified these women about it, though. Women of modern times are constantly being finicky and excessively pedantic. They swipe more than they accept and want men to fulfill impossible criteria. For instance, women want a man to be above 6 feet, earn in six figures, have a chiseled body, and be emotionally and physically potent. Well, the odds are stacked against men in this modern dating arena, and they realize it to be a losing war.

Women aren’t available Emotionally

A woman feeding her husband while concentrating on watching TV.
©Curated Lifestyle/Unsplash.com

A woman might be out on a date with you and perfunctorily answer your questions and engage in all the customary rituals. She will nod, smile artificially, and go through all the motions. But she won’t be genuine, as it requires her to be emotionally available,a  trait that modern women are bereft of.

Men’s Conventional Tendencies are Ridiculed

A stressed young man saying sorry after a quarrel to his frustrated wife.
©Getty Images/Unsplash.com

Women want to be independent and, to quote Beyonce, “Run the World.” They regard any man with a traditional mindset to be sexist, close-minded, and utterly undateable. That is because conventional tendencies of men, like leading, providing, and caring, don’t sit well with the modern woman’s moralities and principles. He’s not woke enough, and that seriously frustrates these women.

Women are too self-centered now.

A woman sipping on a straw is watching a man wearing a glasses who is looking towards her.
©Matt W Newman/Unsplash.com

Women nowadays are too self-centered. The intensity of this selfishness is so extreme that they have begun to confuse it with self-worth. They overlook their own flaws and expect a man to be perfect. She might be a pudgy, single mom with crow’s feet but will want a strapping, handsome guy who earns well and will take care of her every whim. That is pure, unadulterated selfishness, one that blinds the modern woman to reality.

They Want Control

A man and a woman sitting at a table eating food.
©Yunus Tuğ/Unsplash.com

Women want control over the relationship. They want the man to be subservient, utterly compliant, and willing to go the extra mile for them. Well, men are simply not willing to do that anymore. They are looking for a partnership, not a master-slave dynamic.

Final Thoughts

A man and a woman sitting on the ground in a forest.
©Sergey Sokolov/Unsplash.com

Women might be called selfish by men, but it is only because they are displaying such propensities in modern times. Women need to work on their habits and make things easier for men. Men are sick and tired of the constant testing, scrutinizing, and criticism. They feel like they are interviewing for a job instead of looking for love. Things are only going to get worse if these trends continue.

Dating & Confidence

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About TMM Staff

The Modest Man staff writers are experts in men's lifestyle who love teaching guys how to live their best lives.

If an article is published under TMM Staff, that means multiple writers worked on it. For example, sometimes several of us have experience with a certain brand, so we collaborate to publish a more thorough review.

Or, if an article was originally written by one person, but then it was updated by someone else, we'll re-publish it under TMM Staff.

Remember: all of our articles (including those below) are written by real people with decades of combined experience in men's fashion and lifestyle topics.

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