Women aren’t going to admit it, but they begin to despise their husbands’ hobbies after a few years have passed in the marriage. She silently begins to dislike and disapprove of the time her man spends pursuing his hobby.
These hobbies can be anything, from gaming well into the night to binge-watching movies, collecting figures, golf, football, and so on. The thing that remains consistent is the sting and resentment that women experience watching their husbands pour fervent focus into something that they don’t approve of. It isn’t always jealousy that guides their disapproval; sometimes it is the lack of emotional connection, different priorities, or deep-rooted fears of drifting apart. Read on and learn why women tend to discourage men from pursuing their hobbies after marriage.
Feeling Left Out
Women don’t understand why men love doing what they do. They don’t derive the same pleasure, jubilation, or satisfaction as men do from what they deem to be eccentric pursuits. This, naturally, makes them feel left out, and the only course of action left to them is to discourage men from engaging in their hobbies.
They Don’t Like that Hobbies take Up Time
Women love it when their men give them the quality time that they think they deserve. They don’t like the fact that these hobbies consume so much of their husbands’ time, which they feel is owed to them. She verily feels like she’s been replaced with something she doesn’t understand, and from there the feelings of resentment start compounding.
Seeing Hobbies as Emotional Competition
Gaming, golfing, movies, action figures, comic books, and whatever else a man might like; chances are his wife sees them as competition on the emotional level. She doesn’t like it that her man gives so much of his emotional attention and focus to what she considers pointless and inane pursuits.
They Make her Feel Unseen
Men tend to take their hobbies pretty seriously. They get so engrossed that they even forget what is happening around them or who’s sitting near them. The same is true for their wives, who feel completely invisible and unseen when their husbands are in the middle of a fervent session of gaming, game watching, and so on.
They are an Excuse to Eschew Intimacy
It is possible that a wife might be waiting in bed for her husband so that they can have some quality time together. But the mood gets ruined pretty fast when she hears the beep of the PlayStation from the next room. Women therefore feel justified in thinking that men use their hobbies as a means for avoiding intimacy. It can be agitating, but that isn’t the point. Men are simply looking to unwind after a long day, and their hobbies provide the ideal outlet for doing so.
A Constant Battle for Attention
Women have to contend constantly with their husbands’ hobbies for attention. They might want to direct his focus towards themselves, household chores, or some other important matter. However, it is incredibly tough getting their husbands to leave their hobbies and pay attention to them or the concerned matter at hand.
Hobbies are Linked with Neglect
Some women directly link their husbands’ hobbies with outright neglect. They are justified in those cases where men are profoundly and palpably engrossed in their leisurely pursuits. They barely register their wives’ presence or listen to what they are saying. This makes women feel deeply neglected and belittled in the marriage.
They Shift Priorities
Many women consider the time spent by men towards their hobbies to be an indicator of shifting priorities. They believe men become infatuated in this regard and escalate a simple pastime into a full-blown obsession. This act eventually starts eroding the emotional connection and intimacy in the relationship as well. It is possible that men might not have shifted focus at all, but it is certainly perceived as such by their wives.
They Make Her Miss Her Husband’s Attentive Self
Husbands become totally different creatures when they are in the midst of a hobby session. They aren’t attentive, talkative, or focused towards their wives. This makes them miss the version of their husbands who were present and close to them. They need to understand that that version is still there. He’s just been put on standby while the man relaxes, steps back, and has some fun. Maybe give the guy a little space to enjoy, and you might not indulge in such erroneous misconceptions, eh?
They Bring Imbalance
Some women are so proud of being committed and fully engaged in a marriage that they can’t stand seeing their men have some good clean fun. They believe that his attention and focus should be commensurate to theirs and not be directed towards leisurely activities. This triggers silent resentment, which usually manifests in the form of nagging or silent treatments.
They Erode Care
Women think that men stop caring for them when they are allowed to engage in their hobbies extensively. That is far from the truth, as men know what their priorities are. They will just dial up the attention and care back to an optimal level once they are done with their hobby sessions. Women need not exacerbate things by forming such frivolous and invalid opinions.
They Pull a Couple Apart Emotionally
Hobbies that tend to isolate partners, like gaming, camping trips, model assembling, and more, are seen as a drain on the emotional connection by women. They dissuade their husbands from engaging them because they want to reconnect, not manipulate them. But in most cases men know that these sessions are fleeting, and at the end it is their women and families that need, rather demand, their attention and commitment.
They Force her to Resort to Nagging
No woman likes to nag or constantly criticize her husband. But his addiction towards his hobbies forces her to devolve into the role of the nagging wife. She doesn’t want to do it, but it feels like she has no other choice. Hobbies do make her feel like an afterthought after all, but then again, consistent, open communication does wonders far better than nagging ever can.
They make Her Feel Unappreciated
A woman works a lot and puts in a lot of effort in the relationship. She cooks, cleans, makes the appointments, does the laundry, tends to the kids, and much more. She deserves praise for what she brings to the marriage. However, men who are obsessed with their hobbies simply aren’t forthcoming in this regard. This indifference sows the seeds of quiet resentment in the woman’s heart until it sprouts into outright loathing and hate.
They Make her Miss Feeling Chosen
The essence of the issue is that women tend to discourage their husbands’ hobbies because they simply miss feeling chosen. They don’t dissuade because they disapprove of fun; they just want to be treated with the same enthusiasm. She wants to share in her husband’s joy, not be left standing at the door, waiting for him to come back and impart a bit of it her way.
Final Thoughts
The issue of women discouraging their husbands from their hobbies isn’t borne out of a need to control. Rather, it is an attempt at reconnecting and realigning with each other. She wants to be seen and be a part of his life, a prospect that she feels hobbies are impeding her from achieving. They need to understand that the proper and healthy solution is by finding a balance between togetherness and giving space to their husbands. The only way to do this is by engaging in fruitful and productive conversation, not nagging or outright despising.
Ask Me Anything