There are some couples who play the Rachel and Ross game in real life. They break up, reconnect, and then they rinse and repeat. This relationship is no different than an emotional rollercoaster that repeatedly brings two people together, and then they drift apart again. It seems like many couples just can’t seem to let go of their bond. They want to call it quits, but they still keep getting attracted to each other.
But are these kinds of relationships sustainable? Can they stand the test of time? Or are you simply delaying an eventual heartbreak? The answer is more nuanced and complicated than you might realize. You need to consider both the pros and cons of the relationship before you make any move. Read on and learn the truths about this kind of relationship and see whether it is for you or not.
They Are an Indicator of Unfinished Emotional Business
Most of these on-again, off-again relationships end because something deeper remains unresolved, instead of an erasure of love. The perennial attraction to get back with your ex reflects some unfinished emotional business that both individuals in the business have yet to resolve or face.
Breakups Are a Means for Eschewing Real Conflict
Some couples employ the breakup tactic as a means for escaping emotional hatches. They go for a hard reset instead of tackling problems head-on. The relief afforded via this means is fleeting, and there is a high chance of the same arguments resurfacing with the passage of time.
Reunions Tend to Feel Exciting
It feels immensely exciting and rejuvenating when the individuals in an on-again, off-again relationship reunite. There is a huge release of dopamine, and the reconnection feelings are immensely intoxicating. Many couples go for this mode as a means of experiencing this rush again and again.
Comfort Camouflaged as Compatibility
It isn’t always a sign of destiny when you keep gravitating towards the same person again. It is symbolic of a habit, and a bad one at that. We chase comfort and safety under the guise of compatibility in these relationships.
An Emotional Rollercoaster
The on-again, off-again dynamic makes for an extreme marked by lows and highs. The reconnecting phase feels amazing and revitalizing. On the other hand, the breakup phase is likely to leave you feeling drained and emotionally exhausted. This is especially detrimental since it leaves the individuals involved in a weakened state, the intensity of which is magnified with each breakup.
It Messes up Your Self-Image.
Repeated breakups can make you ambivalent and unsure about your own self-worth. You start doubting your credibility in romance and wonder if you are indeed too much or not enough at all. You start thinking that you might not be worthy of being loved when it is really instability that is the real issue.
A Means for Growing Together Separately and Together
The on-again, off-again relationship mode can be a means for growth, both individually and together, if applied properly. The break affords couples a chance to ruminate, heal, and work on themselves. They can grow, become better people, and then reconnect once again. This allows them to rectify their approach, cover up weaknesses, and attain proper growth.
Communication is the Determining Factor
Communication is key to making this on-and-off-again mode successful. The couples who properly discuss and voice what is wrong with the relationship have a better chance of succeeding. They delineate the changes that need to be made and prevent the repetition of the same cycle of misery that they experienced the first time around.
It Hides the Fear of Solitude
Most people in this mode of relationship reconnect with their partner because they have an innate fear of solitude. They don’t want to be alone, and it inclines them to reenter into a relationship with their ex, no matter how miserable or chaotic the relationship might have been.
The Promise of the Ideal Future
Some couples keep coming back because of a false sense of the ideal future, one where everything is alright and they are both able to live together in absolute bliss. It is the bait of the relationship’s potential and what it can be that keeps many couples hooked. In reality, nothing is bound to change until some real effort is expended by both parties towards growth and mending the erroneous ways that lead to the cycle of breakup and reconnection.
It can Influence Your Mental Health
The constant instability brought on by this relationship certainly exerts pressure. You start losing sleep, are always anxious, are always questioning your sanity, and are in a state of constant mental vacillation. This is bound to affect your mental health adversely and take a toll on the emotional health of both partners involved in such a relationship.
Family and Friends Notice First
You know you are in trouble when your close friends and family members start expressing their concern. Their perturbation is a reflection of your egregious state. Even if you are not willing to admit it, you are pretty far off into desolation with this unstable bond that is defined by emotional loops and inconsistencies.
Closure Isn’t Permanent
Sometimes it is better for both parties involved in a relationship to take a real break, one that lasts for more than a month. It gives them some much-needed time for introspection and deliberation for achieving positive growth and change for the relationship. No need to panic because this doesn’t have to be permanent. Simply consider this separation as a source for working on and enhancing your foundations so that you come back stronger than ever.
Setting New Rules
There is a high probability that these relationships might just work out if the couples involved consent to setting down new rules. The latter should dictate and guide all decisions and actions within the relationship. These actions should now be governed by emotional honesty and accountability on a mutual basis.
Therapy Can Help
Therapy is a great means for improving the odds in favor of couples caught up in these relationships. A therapist can provide a fresh perspective and furnish helpful pointers that can improve the bond between the couple concerned. They can even deliver an ultimate decision about the relationship’s fate, whether it should continue or be terminated for good. They provide you with the means to move on with your life or stick to your guns.
Final Thoughts
On-again, off-again relationships aren’t fated to be doomed from the start. Some might even blossom into increasingly successful, lifelong bonds that stand the test of time and are filled with love. The way you approach these relationships and your priorities will determine whether you want to remain in them or move on to greener pastures. Just give this prospect the deliberation it demands, and all will work out for the best.
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