Every day it seems like there’s always a new rule when it comes to dating in the digital age. Should you text back within five minutes or play hard to get? What’s too eager, what’s too cold, and how do you avoid accidentally coming off weird when all you said was “hey”?
Remember: These tips are more guidelines than they are hard and fast rules. At the end of the day, you understand your context better than any internet hot take. But if you’ve ever found yourself second-guessing what, when, or how to hit send, this guide is for you.
1. Don’t Text From a Bad Place
One of the worst times to send a text is when you’re spiraling. Whether you’re overanalyzing her delay or crafting a message to get a response, stop. Texting from panic or insecurity almost always backfires. Your tone shifts. You chase instead of connect. Wait until you feel calm, grounded, and not desperate for a dopamine hit. She can sense the difference.
2. You Don’t Have to Reply Right Away
Fast replies are nice, but they’re not a requirement. You don’t need to pause your life every time your phone buzzes. In fact, being a little slower to respond (without being careless) shows you’re not glued to your phone or hinging your mood on a text thread. Respect her time, but also yours. Respond when you’re present–not when you’re pressured.
3. Don’t Overthink
You’re not writing a cover letter. Stop obsessing over how clever, chill, or perfectly neutral you sound. If you’re filtering everything to death before hitting send, you’re probably losing the charm of just being yourself. A casual “hey, thought of you when I saw this” hits better than a meticulously sculpted sentence that sounds like AI wrote it. Be real.
4. Match Their Energy
Matching her energy doesn’t mean mirroring her every move–it means paying attention to the emotional tone she’s setting. Is she playful? Keep it light. Is she being dry or distant? Don’t force it. But don’t respond by ghosting either just to “win” some imaginary power struggle. Mirror the interest, not the weirdness. Emotional maturity shows in how you respond, not how fast.
5. Keep the Conversation Moving
“Hey” is not a conversation starter. If you’re going to text, give her something to work with. Ask a fun question. Share something she’d find interesting. Bring up a moment from a past conversation. You don’t need to be a master flirt–just show you’re engaged. Keep it playful and back-and-forth, not one-sided or vague. Bored texting dies fast.
6. Don’t Spam
Double texting has a bad rep, but sometimes it’s warranted–like clarifying something or circling back the next day. That said, know where the line is. If you send four messages in a row and get silence, you’re not starting a conversation–you’re chasing a dead lead. Texting should be mutual, not a monologue. Don’t talk to someone who isn’t talking back.
7. Don’t Let a Ghost Haunt You
Ghosting sucks–but trying to force an answer only makes it worse. If she disappears after a solid back-and-forth, don’t reach out just to ask what happened. Silence is its own message. Keep your dignity. Let her vanish without letting it get in your head. The right person won’t leave you on read wondering what you did wrong.
8. Avoid the Passive-Aggressive “?”
A standalone “?” after she doesn’t reply isn’t mysterious. It’s passive-aggressive. It sends a message of pressure, not confidence. If you genuinely need a response, ask a real follow-up. Otherwise, respect the pause. You’re not being chill by nudging her–you’re just showing you’re frustrated. That rarely reads well.
9. Sarcasm Doesn’t Always Land Over Text
What sounds dry and witty in your head can sound rude or confusing in a text bubble. Until you’ve built a solid rapport and she knows your humor, sarcasm can easily be misread. Go easy on the deadpan jokes, especially early on. If you want to be funny, be funny in a way that’s unmistakably playful–not “wait, is he mad at me?” energy.
10. Emojis Are Tools, Not Crutches
Emojis can help you express tone, especially when your message could be read a few ways. But don’t lean on them too hard. Using ten hearts or laugh emojis per message makes you look like you’re trying too hard to be liked. A few well-placed emojis can enhance your message. Overusing them makes it feel like you’re dodging real communication.
11. Respect All Her Boundaries–Including Digital Ones
If she says she doesn’t check her phone much or prefers calls, believe her. Don’t turn her boundary into a personal rejection. Everyone communicates differently. If she’s clear about how she likes to connect, respect that–even if it’s not your style. That shows maturity and self-awareness, and she’ll notice.
12. Know When to Move It Offline
You can’t build a real connection through text alone. If things are going well and the vibe is right, take the initiative to move it into the real world. Suggest a call, a casual meet-up, or even a FaceTime. Messaging is great for building rapport–but at some point, it needs to shift from convenience to connection.
13. Don’t Treat It Like a Job Interview
There’s a difference between being curious and interrogating. Bombarding her with rapid-fire questions can feel more like a screening process than a conversation. Let things unfold naturally. Ask meaningful things, sure–but don’t try to uncover her entire childhood in five texts. Conversation should feel like a dance, not an interview.
14. Humor Can Go a Long Way
A little humor makes texting fun–but forced jokes or meme overkill can kill the vibe. Don’t try to be funny just to keep her interested. Share what genuinely makes you laugh. A quick witty reply or an inside joke goes way further than another TikTok link she didn’t ask for. Be real. That’s what builds chemistry.
15. Don’t Vent
Texting is not the place to emotionally unload. It’s too easy for tone to get misread, and it rarely leads to healthy resolution. If you’ve had a rough day or need to talk something out, suggest a phone call or wait until you can speak in person. Oversharing heavy emotions through messages puts pressure on her to fix it–or worse, disengage.
16. Leave Room for Mystery
Don’t feel the need to narrate your day in real-time. “Just woke up,” “at the gym,” “eating now,” and “going to bed” isn’t flirting–it’s a to-do list. Leave a little space for curiosity. Let her wonder what you’re up to sometimes. Mystery doesn’t mean being distant. It means not putting every detail out there like a play-by-play.
17. Late Night Texts Send a Message
Texting her at 1 AM sends a clear signal–whether you intend it to or not. Late-night messages often imply one thing, and if you’re looking for something more genuine, that timing works against you. If it’s meaningful, it can wait until morning. Be mindful of what your timing communicates–even more than the text itself.
18. Don’t Use Texting for Validation
You don’t need to text perfectly to be liked. Stop performing. You don’t have to be endlessly clever, available, or always saying the right thing. You’re not auditioning–you’re connecting. When you lead from self-worth, the right person feels it. And when they don’t vibe with you? That’s not rejection. That’s redirection.
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